I am afraid that i am a bitch. I am afraid that i don't know how to have a relationship that is not a competition. It's all i know.
I am going on a trip with a man soon. I made the flight reservations a month ago and then emailed the itinerary to this man. A month ago.
Yesterday he texted me to please send him the itinerary. I thought about this. Then i deliberately did the following:
1.) I went into my sent mail and forwarded him the previous email that i had sent.
2.) I then texted him that "i just re-sent the itinerary to your email."
WHY? WHY DID I DO THAT?
Seriously, i forget stuff sometimes too. Why could i not just have forwarded the fucking original itinerary? But i just had to make a point of letting him know that he had missed something.
It's all i know.
I don't feel very good about myself right now.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Monday, November 14, 2016
Another memory from long ago.
I spent two weeks in the hospital when I was 11 after an accident involving a fish tank and a laundry tub.
While I was recovering, one hand all wrapped to hell with the injury, and the other hand immobilized with an IV, my stomach hurt a lot from all the medications and surgery, and probably fear and shock.
I wanted someone to place their hand on my hurting tummy to comfort me. I wanted my mother to place her hand on my hurting tummy. She did, sometimes. It felt good and soothed me.
I feel that way right now.
I am a rich, old, white woman. Our new president cannot really hurt me. I will not need an abortion. I can afford to fly my daughter to another country should she need one (unlikely, see below). I can afford health care. I am no longer harassed by men in the street.
But i am sick with this. My daughter, who is (mostly) gay is afraid. So am i. I can't sleep. I have been donating $ to Planned Parenthood and the ACLU and RAINN, and one other that i have not selected yet.
I am a habitual NPR listener. I have not turned my radio on in 6 days.
I went to a rally yesterday. I have never dome such a thing in my life. When Bush won, and then Bush won, and then Gore won, but Bush became president, i was bummed, but not gutted.
Thanks for listening. I know i am not alone.
Posted by meno at 6:07 PM