tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post2811166962990509921..comments2023-12-16T22:38:40.273-08:00Comments on .: Ickmenohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-70189691681491668422007-03-05T10:10:00.000-08:002007-03-05T10:10:00.000-08:00I think that the biggest issue with teenagers is t...I think that the biggest issue with teenagers is trust. While I would also want to be told if I were the mother, it is well to remember that if the girl wanted her mother to know, she would have told her. Or she may want to but doesn't know how.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps there will come a point in therapy where the mother will be included With The Daughter's Permission. <BR/><BR/>I don't think there is anything you can do, and hinting around, etc. would cause more trouble than it would help.<BR/><BR/>Sorry, Meno.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1808347239938702112007-03-03T19:05:00.000-08:002007-03-03T19:05:00.000-08:00"It takes a village" --- trite -- but here's an ex..."It takes a village" --- trite -- but here's an example. You can keep an eye on her from afar and see that she's still coming to counseling on a regular basis. It seems significant that she came in for help in the first place.<BR/><BR/>If you need to "steer" maybe it can be to ask the mom about the girl's friends and compare notes on how hard it is to raise teen girls.<BR/><BR/>I'm dealing with the issue of needing to find counselors for a nine and six year old. Not the kind of thing you walk up to the moms in carline to ask. And my youngest really, really needs some help. It's ripping my heart out. (Always a bit awkward to break down in front of the kindergarten teacher!)<BR/><BR/>Plus, Mr. X does not have a wallet that can pay for me to find the best person so he insists that I stay within the insurance list. And from my experience to date, those people are building their practice; not necessarily any good. And I want expertise and rave reviews! I hate divorce.amusinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03347183179627696626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-23479309617799203702007-03-03T17:46:00.000-08:002007-03-03T17:46:00.000-08:00patches, Em is not very social (wonder where she g...patches, Em is not very social (wonder where she got THAT from) so there aren't friends around too often. Many of her friends are on-line. When they do come and visit, she likes to hang out with them and me, up to a point. I do hear about all their problems, through Em, and often suggest things that she realsy back to them.<BR/><BR/>u-u, i had a talk with the person at the agency and i feel better about it now. They will encourage her to involve her parents when she is ready.<BR/><BR/>sari, if she drops out of counseling i will really worry.<BR/><BR/>nancy, but you said "hi" :)<BR/><BR/>moi, i didn't mean drug-life experiences, i meant your diabetes and hospitalizations. Not the normal teensge life. You have good friends.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-35385124247620391882007-03-03T11:34:00.000-08:002007-03-03T11:34:00.000-08:00Yes, but nothing I chose. I was too scared to mes...Yes, but nothing I chose. I was too scared to mess around with drugs or drinking...okay I did try drinking but didn't really love it and didn't drink often. I smoked from age 16 till 22 and then quit....my then boyfriend, now husband was a health nut and encouraged me to stop.<BR/>I'm enough of a problem without all the other stuff I could have done.<BR/>My friends did pot a bit but never pressured me...they just passed it by me, saying, "Oh yeah, you can't." Was really pretty good of them and I still have every one of those friends.Mother of Inventionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03797365678860039018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-79635160154401474132007-03-02T20:12:00.000-08:002007-03-02T20:12:00.000-08:00Ok, everybody said everything. I feel for you tho...Ok, everybody said everything. <BR/><BR/>I feel for you though. It's so difficult to keep something vital from a friend. But, I do think in this case you need to trust the system. And anybody who knows me knows I don't say that lightly.Nancy Dancehallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14169976337329559458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-48587810348314913632007-03-02T20:10:00.000-08:002007-03-02T20:10:00.000-08:00I hope Stacey's daughter continues to get the help...I hope Stacey's daughter continues to get the help she needs.sarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16144333694009700155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1100961949932481462007-03-02T19:29:00.000-08:002007-03-02T19:29:00.000-08:00I really really don't envy you in this situation. ...I really really don't envy you in this situation. Having been in counselling I would be utterly devestated to know that my confidence had been breached. Keeping mum is the way to go, as tough as it is.urban-urchinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001320142893492171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-87647713957600208192007-03-02T18:46:00.000-08:002007-03-02T18:46:00.000-08:00When you're a parent it's hard to look at this any...When you're a parent it's hard to look at this any other way. You and Em have an enviable relationship. It's the type of relationship I craved at her age. But my mother wasn't approachable in that way, or maybe I was scared to "shit where I lived" so to speak. I'm kind of curious, do Em's friends ever confide in you? As strong and forthcoming as your relationship is with Em, it would seem the logical for Em's friends to perceive you as one of those rare trustworthy adults.jadedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326141253899975708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-48029069489345352852007-03-02T18:28:00.000-08:002007-03-02T18:28:00.000-08:00kelly, i really don't think she does. I think she...kelly, i really don't think she does. I think she was a straight-laced kid and it just hasn't crossed her mind. But, you may be right, denial is a powerful force. I will keep quiet, i have to.<BR/><BR/>patches, i want to live in that black and white world!!!! I never told my mother anything either. I was initially looking at this from the parent side. You can laugh at me if you like, but Em and i have such a different relationship than that that i would know. <BR/><BR/>hi dick, (aren't you all busy with weddin' stuff? ) I am hoping that she will knock it off too.<BR/><BR/>egan, close to my worst fear, that's for sure. I have kept the Mister for over 25 years, so, yeah, he is. Most days.<BR/><BR/>qt, i know, i know. I am happy that she is at least open to the help.<BR/><BR/>moi, yikes pretty much sums it up. The girl is 15 actually, not that it makes a huge difference. You have had some life experiences haven't you?<BR/><BR/>tink, i hope for all of those things as well. I know that when a kid is using that young, there is a greater chance for addictive patterns throughout life. Sigh.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-4611691545330346572007-03-02T14:27:00.000-08:002007-03-02T14:27:00.000-08:00Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. ...Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. I hope your friend doesn't expect you to tell her things you can't. I hope the daughter has enough sense to get off of whatever she's on before it ruins her life.Tinkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16188363142469404823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-24222025183016612612007-03-02T12:26:00.000-08:002007-03-02T12:26:00.000-08:00Nothing more to add other than Yikes...13?!!! And...Nothing more to add other than Yikes...13?!!! And at least the girl is going to go for help...hopefully they'll get her there or go of her own volition.<BR/>It's relly just a wait and see for now.<BR/><BR/>13? I can't even imagine this! At 13,I was doing hard drugs...needles even...as I lay in a diabetic coma fighting for my life and the nurses would do my insulin.Mother of Inventionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03797365678860039018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-85264298730781603322007-03-02T11:55:00.000-08:002007-03-02T11:55:00.000-08:00I don't have anything good or new to add except I ...I don't have anything good or new to add except I think you will do the right thing. The daughter has to have the ability to trust in order for any of the help she is seeking to work.QThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15544956727530046973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-47427903209251863012007-03-02T11:13:00.000-08:002007-03-02T11:13:00.000-08:00That would be my worst fear. A drug addicted chil...That would be my worst fear. A drug addicted child. Smoking would be bad enough, but drugs would absolutely suck. What a tough predicament you're in Meno. Mister seems like a keeper.eganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03783658744477659987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-18942341209817056052007-03-02T10:50:00.000-08:002007-03-02T10:50:00.000-08:00The young lady has to be able to maintain her trus...The young lady has to be able to maintain her trust in her counselor so you will have to leave it up to them to decide when to let the parents know, or not to. Raising kids is pretty scary and this is an example of the challenges. I hope it will be resolved before she has anything serious happen to her.Dickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12381970360203140143noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-71531870423316317122007-03-02T08:04:00.000-08:002007-03-02T08:04:00.000-08:00It would be so much easier if life were black and ...It would be so much easier if life were black and white. Bob made an excellent point about the importance of maintaining trust in the counseling environment. <BR/><BR/>If the girl feels she can't trust counselors (or adults) to maintain confidence, it could seriously damage her ability to trust others when she needs help in the future. As a teenager, my mother was the the last person I would consider going to when I needed help. She meant well, and she tried hard, but I never felt comfortable confiding in her. I went to other adults I trusted, adults who for some reason I felt were safe. It took a lot of faith, on my mother's part, to accept that I did not choose her as a confidant. I know this is not affective for all kids.<BR/><BR/>No matter what roles we take on in life, it's difficult to disregard being a parent first. It might within the confidentiality guidelines that you could have drug abuse information mailed to Stacy. Have it sent in an inconspicuous envelope. If possible send it from an organization other than the one you volunteer for and make sure it goes anonymously, without a paper trail to you.jadedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326141253899975708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-89376414173663566532007-03-02T07:15:00.000-08:002007-03-02T07:15:00.000-08:00maggie, i know. This is not about me so i just ge...maggie, i know. This is not about me so i just get to STFU, as Em would say. (That means shut up, in case you aren't fluent in initial speak.)<BR/><BR/>chani, it really seems that way, but you know, i support the right of young woman to get birth control without her parents knowing so i guess this is the logical extension of that.<BR/><BR/>lynn, you might be right. My take is that it just hasn't occured to her yet as a possibility.<BR/><BR/>cagey, the positive thing is that someone will be helping her. I'm concentrating on that.<BR/><BR/>jen, "stuck in the middle with you." I guess you run across rules like this that you don't like all the time. You are strong.<BR/><BR/>lisa, I'll just try and be a good friend and listen when she needs me to.<BR/><BR/>bob, you are right about that, it just feels different because of the age of the client, although it isn't different.<BR/><BR/>mrs.chili, i did notice a dearth of comments yesterday, mayhap that was the problem. There <I>are </I>some great perspectives here. It does help me to feel better about it all.<BR/><BR/>de, i value your knowledgable words on this. I will have to find out about the rules if the girls drops out of counseling.<BR/><BR/>biodtl, i HAVE to keep quiet. But i don't like it.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-24781024153976773212007-03-02T07:14:00.000-08:002007-03-02T07:14:00.000-08:00You know, I bet the Mother already knows or suspec...You know, I bet the Mother already knows or suspects at the very least. And if the counseling plays out I'm willing to bet that she will eventually be brought into the loop and have all of her suspicions confirmed. <BR/><BR/>I would keep quiet. I mean, that's part of your job isn't, to make these teens feel safe? Yeah, I'd stay quiet.Kellyologyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16431369740339820876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-80793299526799431172007-03-02T06:48:00.000-08:002007-03-02T06:48:00.000-08:00Wow - that's a rough situation to be in. I agree ...Wow - that's a rough situation to be in. I agree that for you should keep quiet and hope for the best. But the mom in me would want to know as well. Maybe you shoud just stay in touch with your friend and ask her how things are going. If they don't seem to be improving, maybe you can give the friend some literature on teen problems to help her educate herself - drugs tend to figure prominently in those. Then perhaps she'll draw her own conclusions (or at least open up the topic with her daughter) and you won't have broken confidentiality.<BR/><BR/>As for your comment on my latest - You hit the nail on the head. I don't want to interact - especially not with the W@l-M@rt people. Those damned sharpies!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-36468983327185763862007-03-02T06:36:00.000-08:002007-03-02T06:36:00.000-08:00It's good that the daughter is going to get the co...It's good that the daughter is going to get the counselling. That was quick. She <I>needs</I> to have that "adult" privilege of privacy. If she feels her parents are handling the situation, she'll only try harder to break away from them. (If her name is De.)<BR/><BR/>Even if you're not officially "qualified" as a counselor, we all know how good you are, Meno, so I'm sure you will find the right thing to say to help Stacey during this process.<BR/><BR/>And if the girl bombs out of counseling? Then you can tell her, so she's armed for Round Two.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-80075828358545030722007-03-02T06:22:00.000-08:002007-03-02T06:22:00.000-08:00YAY! Visual verification is off - I can comment a...YAY! Visual verification is off - I can comment again!<BR/><BR/>This is SUCH a hard situation to be in, and I'm sorry that you're here.<BR/><BR/>My gut reaction was the same as yours, Meno, but I've been thinking about it since last night (when visual verification wouldn't let me comment) and have changed my mind a bit. The perspectives of all those who've commented before me are wise, though; while I understand, as a mother myself, why you'd want to tell the girl's mom, the arguments against that are compelling. <BR/><BR/>The girl really DOES need to have ownership of her problem. If/when she feels that her parents can/might help her, she gets to decide to ask them.<BR/><BR/>That doesn't help YOU much, but the big-picture story is really about the girl and making sure she gets the help she needs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-24483313205602588372007-03-02T05:58:00.000-08:002007-03-02T05:58:00.000-08:00I know that you wouldn't violate that trust. I un...I know that you wouldn't violate that trust. I understand your dilemma. I have been in therapy before and I know that if my therapist or her office had divulged any information about my treatment to ANYONE I wouldn't trust them anymore. However, I am also a parent and I would want to know if my child were in trouble.<BR/><BR/>At some point you have to have faith in the people you work with to help that child. The best people to make the decision to tell her mother are the child and her therapist.Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13690660290319444722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-18860093857890947142007-03-02T05:52:00.000-08:002007-03-02T05:52:00.000-08:00lu is right, but what a tough position for you. Da...lu is right, but what a tough position for you. Damn.peevishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14135920853307511091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-47754195688331238012007-03-01T21:08:00.000-08:002007-03-01T21:08:00.000-08:00I know you wouldn't violate anyone's anything. I c...I know you wouldn't violate anyone's anything. I can wholly see how this is such a moral dilemma. Of course you'd want to know. And you'd be upset if someone else knew and didn't tell you. It's not right, and you are stuck.<BR/><BR/>You summed it up, friend. Welcome to the mental health profession.Girlplustwohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07056576921114387218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-85860999272387634922007-03-01T19:48:00.000-08:002007-03-01T19:48:00.000-08:00Damn. That IS a tough one. However, it may be a ...Damn. That IS a tough one. However, it may be a positive thing if the mother doesn't know so the daughter can get help without it having to be another point of contention with her mother to rebel against. Maybe.Cagey (Kelli Oliver George)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13691589813815058981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-52024304401467329462007-03-01T18:59:00.000-08:002007-03-01T18:59:00.000-08:00Tough position to be in...I don't envy you. I wou...Tough position to be in...I don't envy you. I would hope that this girls therapist would encourage the girl to speak with her parents and come clean about the drug use. It's unfortunate that although her parents are legally responsible for her, they have no legal right to this information about her...doesn't seem right. As a parent I would want to know...maybe your friend on some level does know and just isn't quite ready to deal with the truth yet.Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12994258976391146989noreply@blogger.com