tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post51445390501898463..comments2023-12-16T22:38:40.273-08:00Comments on .: What is that cat thinking?*menohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-55834175123814773822007-05-05T21:20:00.000-07:002007-05-05T21:20:00.000-07:00m'gosh, meno, what a lovely blog you have! How did...m'gosh, meno, what a lovely blog you have! How did I get here (I'm channeling David Bryne)? Via Deb, via Painters Kitchen, via Her Secret Garden.<BR/><BR/>Jen's comment really sums it up for me. Tricky stuff, this mom stuff. Both being a mom, and having an untrustworthy mom. <BR/><BR/>Hey, I'm almost 50, too! And I was a kid in San Diego for awhile. My parents still live in Mission Hills. Heck, I may retire there.<BR/><BR/>So glad I stumbled upon your blog.<BR/><BR/>Peace, you cheeky monkey, you.Taradharmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17665801586196931603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-37787956995224388882007-04-30T16:11:00.000-07:002007-04-30T16:11:00.000-07:00Don't your cats shred plants and flowers?Don't your cats shred plants and flowers?gary rithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18228113061045717115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-61978223464519776832007-04-28T22:56:00.000-07:002007-04-28T22:56:00.000-07:00I air on the side of forgiveness, but that's me. W...I air on the side of forgiveness, but that's me. Who knows what happened in her life to make her who she is? All we can control is how we feel. Easier said than done, of course, but that's how I try to live anyway.<BR/><BR/>Sorry you feel so bad around her at any rate.Andrea Frazerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14293267612840259503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-65977600799081264062007-04-28T14:31:00.000-07:002007-04-28T14:31:00.000-07:00People become parents when they still need parenti...People become parents when they still need parenting themselves.luckyzmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04176703683321469118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-55934710962384415572007-04-28T08:53:00.000-07:002007-04-28T08:53:00.000-07:00patches, (That's actually Zola.) What i may do is ...patches, (That's actually Zola.) What i may do is wait until the next time she brings it up, and she will, and just directly ask her if she is apologizing. Hard to say where that will lead. The lilacs are pretty, and they smell wonderful, but i like the vase too. :)menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-80434165063504055312007-04-27T20:50:00.000-07:002007-04-27T20:50:00.000-07:00I've been pondering over the apology concept latel...I've been pondering over the apology concept lately. The obligatory implications are troubling. Most of us are incapable of feigning what we do not feel<BR/><BR/>Only you and your mom know the history you share. I agree with Maggie, take ample time to stew this over, you've earned it. But remember, it isn't easy for most people to admit they've made a mistake. If you choose to accept her statement as a genuine apology, you aren't obligated to pursue a more meaningful relationship with her if you chose not. No advice intended, just considerations. <BR/><BR/>The lilacs are striking and Greco is gloating because he doesn't have that damn satellite dish strapped to his head.jadedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326141253899975708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-90123795212105855142007-04-27T19:22:00.000-07:002007-04-27T19:22:00.000-07:00ortizzle, i too was petrified about becoming my mo...ortizzle, i too was petrified about becoming my mother. But the cycle does not have to continue. We are proof of that. I appreciate your (a), (b) and (c) understanding.<BR/><BR/>lynn, ha ha ha!!<BR/><BR/>luckyzmom, thank you. i wish i understood why.<BR/><BR/>gewels, i think your children will forgive you if you apologize, and ask for forgiveness. I am glad that you still have your mother.<BR/><BR/>pam, i envy you your sister. I am glad for my brother though. Victims of the world are just plain tiresome. Especially whenthey are supposed to be the grown up. Thank you for the compliments. :)menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-8237705148234736332007-04-27T18:56:00.000-07:002007-04-27T18:56:00.000-07:00Meno, my little sister asked me some months ago wh...Meno, my little sister asked me some months ago why our Mum never put our lives, safety and wellbeing (as children) a priority? I said I just don't know, you need to ask herthat, she's the only one who might be able to answer it.<BR/><BR/>Our Mum has never apologised or asked our forgiveness...she still believes she is the victim of the world, that's a damn sorry old place to be..<BR/><BR/>My sister and I have the most incredible and fulfilling lives ...but Sandra still has that question...sometimes we just don't get the answers.<BR/><BR/>Your cats are so cute, they ooze contentment, I especially love the tabbies, hope little Britney's hair is growing! :)<BR/><BR/>All the best Meno, you have a great sense of humor, I love it.<BR/><BR/>PamSiennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15387267690900119245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-19543517140803393742007-04-27T18:01:00.000-07:002007-04-27T18:01:00.000-07:00I almost lost my Mom last week. Sobering thought n...I almost lost my Mom last week. Sobering thought no matter how so not close we've been.<BR/>She is and always will be my Mom- with all her faults and all her ways of not amking me feel good enough, ever.<BR/>I've seen, for the first time, her fear and insecurity and unhappiness. She's human and I will forgive everything... If only that I will have the good luck to be forgiven by my children.GEWELShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15667187693235282985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-62376627033261376392007-04-27T17:53:00.000-07:002007-04-27T17:53:00.000-07:00I am so sorry that your mother wasn't who you need...I am so sorry that your mother wasn't who you needed her to be in the past.luckyzmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04176703683321469118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-18346895891551211562007-04-27T17:22:00.000-07:002007-04-27T17:22:00.000-07:00No, just your feet:~DNo, just your feet:~DLynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12994258976391146989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-41736514749285243982007-04-27T16:50:00.000-07:002007-04-27T16:50:00.000-07:00This is one of those cases where you, and only you...This is one of those cases where you, and only you, will know how to deal with this. There are so many undercurrents here, and while it might be tempting for some to believe that the complement is genuine, I can totally identify with the 'creeped me out' sentiment, particularly when: (a) it is so long in coming, (b) the damage might just be irreparable, or (c) at this stage of your life, you just don't give a crap anymore.<BR/><BR/>In my own personal case, I think I would have done handsprings on the front lawn if my mother had ever said such a thing to me, but she died several years ago. And I never had any children with which to prove myself a mother of any description, good or bad. (I think one of the reasons I never had children, apart from unfavorable circumstances, was also that deep down, I was petrified of becoming my own mother to some poor innocent creature.)<BR/><BR/>Follow your instincts, my dear. And do not ever feel guilty, regardless of how you deal with it in the future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-30595784260309375732007-04-27T16:44:00.000-07:002007-04-27T16:44:00.000-07:00sari, but don't you wish that you had a mother who...sari, but don't you wish that you had a mother who was a trusted friend? If wishes were horses i guess....<BR/><BR/>liv, "you reap what you sow" is what i always say. Karma will get you in the end.<BR/><BR/>ac, not THAT is good timing! It's a good thing for me that i don't give a rat's ass about the will because one of these days, i am going to blow.<BR/><BR/>moi, mine like to eat grass and then puke. Nice. The uncomfortableness is really striking. I have a physical reation when she gets too close to me.<BR/><BR/>princess, you are wise for one so pink. :)<BR/><BR/>lynn, coward! Here's an easier question: Does this blog make my butt look big? :)<BR/><BR/>chani, i know you have issues w/your own mother, so i value your input. I don't think this one can be repaired, but......i don't know everything.<BR/><BR/>cagey, i ask for forgiveness as i screw up, not 40 years later. It makes a difference. And Hollywood this is not!menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-64744120830568032562007-04-27T16:01:00.000-07:002007-04-27T16:01:00.000-07:00Oh, Meno - I feel you.Unfortunately, it doesn't ma...Oh, Meno - I feel you.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if you are 50 or 35 and your mother is suddenly expressing "regret". Whatever. It's too late.<BR/><BR/>Besides, in my mother's case, she isn't expressing "regret" but really asking for forgiveness. Which is quite irritating, actually because she is still just as undependable and irresponsible as ever. You can forgive the past, I suppose, but how do you keep forgiving the present?<BR/><BR/>Lovely little closing scenes where tears are shed and life goes in a new path are totally figments of Hollywood's imagination.Cagey (Kelli Oliver George)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13691589813815058981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-17291014357458538912007-04-27T14:03:00.000-07:002007-04-27T14:03:00.000-07:00I had to take some time to think about this one fo...I had to take some time to think about this one for a while before commenting. :) <BR/><BR/>Your gut will tell you the right way to go about your mother. Sometimes relationships are too damaged to repair... sometimes they can be. <BR/><BR/>You know best. <BR/><BR/><BR/>Peace, <BR/><BR/><BR/>~Chanithailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-84702675038770310742007-04-27T13:40:00.000-07:002007-04-27T13:40:00.000-07:00Mother-daughter conflict...I wouldn't even touch t...Mother-daughter conflict...I wouldn't even touch that with a ten foot pole!Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12994258976391146989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-74610992510921482472007-04-27T13:03:00.000-07:002007-04-27T13:03:00.000-07:00Sorry, Meno, it doesn't sound like an easy situati...Sorry, Meno, it doesn't sound like an easy situation. And as reflective as your mother may get, it doesn't mean she's changing, (or planning on changing) her actions. It just means she's aware of them.<BR/><BR/>I guess that's something, but I think it's perfectly reasonable, after all this time, to stay guarded.Princess in Galosheshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08815709655445815674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-28227759484401345492007-04-27T12:05:00.000-07:002007-04-27T12:05:00.000-07:00The cat is contemplating chawing on the the leaves...The cat is contemplating chawing on the the leaves and stems of the lilac! My cat chewed off 7 spiders on my spider plant!!!<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry you still feel uncomfortable with your mom, but I also know that you would have good reasons for this and that in some things, there is no going back or rewinding the tape to do a re-take.Mother of Inventionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03797365678860039018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-51770538832912491672007-04-27T10:49:00.000-07:002007-04-27T10:49:00.000-07:00My own bothersome mother just called and I started...My own bothersome mother just called and I started to read your post while she was talking (acutally repeating what she called about for the third or fourth time -- Southern echolalia). Needless to say, I was distracted by your experience at the same time I was rolling my eyes at the phone.<BR/><BR/>My mother was the original non-apology apologist -- you know, *I'm sorry if You got Upset*, never I'm sorry I said that or I'm sorry I hurt your feelings or butted in or criticized you. I'm always the one with the problem.<BR/><BR/>I am trying to stay quiet (and stay in the will), because at this point, nothing will change except my own attitude.AChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02949724388906286696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-88335897206941122342007-04-27T09:57:00.000-07:002007-04-27T09:57:00.000-07:00well, maybe i was suggesting for both of us...but,...well, maybe i was suggesting for both of us...but, i too know that it will never happen. sometimes just knowing that karma's a bitch is helpful.Livhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09154719979114564561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-11675214099212628122007-04-27T09:54:00.000-07:002007-04-27T09:54:00.000-07:00ah, the universal-ness of the mother daughter conf...ah, the universal-ness of the mother daughter conflict.<BR/><BR/>you're not alone, my friend.sarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16144333694009700155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-69147126608463675552007-04-27T09:50:00.000-07:002007-04-27T09:50:00.000-07:00suebob, really? i guess i was assuming that they ...suebob, really? i guess i was assuming that they smell like pansies or violas. African violets maybe?<BR/><BR/>capacious, so you get it. I was wallowing in my uncomfortableness.<BR/><BR/>liv, are you suggesting directness? In my family? HA! Yes, a direct apology would be nice, but i sense it will never happen.<BR/><BR/>chili pepper, It's the day after the lunch now, and i am felling much less like a foot stamping child. So i am listening, now.<BR/><BR/>u-u, the thought of having any kind of real conversation with her is so distasteful to me. I have years of not telling her anything because it wasn't safe. I can think about trying though.....but i can't make any promises.<BR/><BR/>joan, i'm still thinking about it. I just don't know how much i care.<BR/><BR/>d-man, either that or he just looks stupid.<BR/><BR/>jen, succinctly and correctly put my friend.<BR/><BR/>mrs.chili, i in no way thought you were trying to be a one-upper. I hate that too. I was thinking i was clever with the momster label. It is spring, which here means rain.<BR/><BR/>lisa, that is sad. My mother is not ill, but that is no indicator of how long she'll be here. It would be easier to forgive her if i didn't watch her treating my father the way she used to treat me. Guess i need to stay in prison a while longer.<BR/><BR/>caro, she did behave lovingly, but i always wonder what comes after that. He is a nice kitty.<BR/><BR/>nancy, that pretty much sums up how i view this.<BR/><BR/>marsha, in some odd way, i am protecting her. I honestly don't know if she could handle the truth about how i feel. <BR/><BR/>tink, wow is right. Wow!<BR/><BR/>qt, me too! You are right of course. But a direct apology would be nice too.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-27440971708991559222007-04-27T09:12:00.000-07:002007-04-27T09:12:00.000-07:00Mmmmm - I love, love, love the smell of lilacs.I r...Mmmmm - I love, love, love the smell of lilacs.<BR/><BR/>I really don't want this to sound harsh, because I mean it matter-of-factly. You mom is old, and old people have a lot of regrets. I know, I talk to old people all day, every day. Once they start thinking about dying, they want to make amends, right wrongs, apologize.<BR/><BR/>It is up to you what you choose to do re: your relationship with her.You do not need to become close to her to give her the peace she is seeking. But the more you resist her efforts, the more she will try. Maybe you can find a middle ground that is tolerable?QThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15544956727530046973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-664581778817204212007-04-27T09:00:00.000-07:002007-04-27T09:00:00.000-07:00My Grandmother, who never had the best relationshi...My Grandmother, who never had the best relationship with my Mom (until recently), once turned to my Mom and said, "I wish you had been my Mother." <BR/><BR/>Wow.Tinkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16188363142469404823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-78533817091297066322007-04-27T08:07:00.000-07:002007-04-27T08:07:00.000-07:00I can't help but think it would have been great if...I can't help but think it would have been great if you had said to your mother what you were thinking, that you wished she had been a better mother too. Perhaps the first step toward working out your relationship is not to give her a big fat hug and a free pass for all her mistakes, before that, I think you should tell her exactly what you think and feel about her. I believe that forgiveness only comes after all the crap has been spewed.<BR/><BR/>I have after all had years of experience watching shows like Jerry Springer and Dr Phil so my advice must therefore be correct. I do empathize, my parents are coming for a visit in mid-May. We have not yet resolved the anger I feel toward both of them, yet they are coming here and staying at my house for an entire week.Marshamlowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00604324969370405697noreply@blogger.com