tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post116164929430037346..comments2023-12-16T22:38:40.273-08:00Comments on .: Crushingmenohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-91325383348724528102008-07-30T05:35:00.000-07:002008-07-30T05:35:00.000-07:00OH THANK GOD! I'm not alone! I'm not married, but...OH THANK GOD! I'm not alone! I'm not married, but in a committed 4 year long relationship and I've had my share of crushes and those crushes returned. I felt so horrible over one dinky crush that I even transferred jobs to avoid the it.<BR/><BR/>I still think about that tall dark and handsome man with the deep blue eyes and ripped muscles.. but I have one of my own muscle men at home so I didn't understand why the attraction was so great. <BR/><BR/>It's cause I'm human, I'm normal, YAY! LOL <BR/><BR/>PS. I do have to say that the raw sexual fantasies and frustration that the crush produced were all taken out on my man, and he enjoys every minute of it.. hehe!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-4418075899001695672008-07-26T06:32:00.000-07:002008-07-26T06:32:00.000-07:00Good job..You have written about "crushes after be...Good job..You have written about "crushes after being married" so well...<BR/>Reading all of your comments have blessed me today..<BR/>thank you and thank those of you who commented.<BR/>tambrah7Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-66652481910577169512008-07-18T14:33:00.000-07:002008-07-18T14:33:00.000-07:00It feels good to know i'm not the only one. I fell...It feels good to know i'm not the only one. I fell truely in love with a sheriffs' deputy. I can honestly say i have never felt this way befor. I am married, but this crush made me feel alive . I lost about 60lbs. i look 15 years younger. what i feel for him has gone on for almost 2 yrs. Nothing physical. I yearn to only see him to hear him if i could only be near him. But he is mature. Maybe he feels this is only a crush . But i really feel i would do anything he asked of me. HELP.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1162075325085557342006-10-28T15:42:00.000-07:002006-10-28T15:42:00.000-07:00Classy response to anon.Classy response to anon.Mother of Inventionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03797365678860039018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1162068185222496572006-10-28T13:43:00.000-07:002006-10-28T13:43:00.000-07:00anon, i do wonder why everyone who has any critici...anon, i do wonder why everyone who has any criticism is always anonymous. I don't hate hearing it. I understand and respect that you feel this way. I guess we'll have to just disagree on this one. <BR/><BR/>penny, your father sounds like he is a wise man. That's a really sweet story. And i <EM>never </EM>take offense at people wishing me well. Just like someone saying "god bless" after a sneeze, i take it as a courtesy. Thanks for your comments.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1162063225073163982006-10-28T12:20:00.000-07:002006-10-28T12:20:00.000-07:00ps.. Men who oogle women as 'art' and 'creations' ...ps.. Men who oogle women as 'art' and 'creations' are using the same technique as women who use the power of 'love' and 'passion' in their love-making. <BR/><BR/>Love making with your husband and sharing your appreciation for the 'passion' that you can find in the world, is restorative. Not cheating.<BR/><BR/>It all depends on perspective.<BR/><BR/>Only you know your motivation. Why is everyone so threatened?SuperP.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06830641369098524799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1162063063716634732006-10-28T12:17:00.000-07:002006-10-28T12:17:00.000-07:00My father would sometimes smile at my mother 'flut...My father would sometimes smile at my mother 'fluttering around the house' getting things tidy and her glow affecting them both in the hours they spent together after we had gone to sleep.<BR/><BR/>One day, when I was old enough, he explained to me that women have crushes. My mother understood them to be what they were and never acted on them. My father understood them, too. <BR/><BR/>He told me that women must be allowed to have their crushes and that as imagery is for the man, crushes are for the woman.<BR/><BR/>It's what you do with your crush that can hurt you.<BR/><BR/>Crush on.<BR/><BR/>Now.. I read that you are not religious and I will mention that a lot of your criticisms come from the viewpoints of having to rip out your eyes if you glance at another woman, somewhere in the bible.. and I am Christian and I think I understand what God means.. about lust begetting lust, begetting lust.<BR/><BR/>Somehow, I could be wrong, I think that as my Dad said, an innocent little crush, kept moderate, can enhance what you have, unless it has come about by way of filling a void in your marriage.<BR/><BR/>And, to those who berate you: you are casting stones.<BR/><BR/>God Bless. (no offence)SuperP.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06830641369098524799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1162024227439905262006-10-28T01:30:00.000-07:002006-10-28T01:30:00.000-07:00Meno -- if you are "making love" with your husband...Meno -- if you are "making love" with your husband (with your body) but your MIND is "making love" with someone else....you aren't really "with" your husband because the thing that makes you really YOU is your mind. A body is a body, but a mind is so individual and special that no one's can be like it. So in essence (though you'll hate hearing it) -- you ARE betraying your marriage when you allow this kind of behaviour. I cannot imagine sex with my husband if I know or think he's imagining me as someone else. How totally gross. What can you be thinking!!!???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161796831115564522006-10-25T10:20:00.000-07:002006-10-25T10:20:00.000-07:00Meno wrote: "holly, stop it! You're making me blus...Meno wrote: "holly, stop it! You're making me blush. You are a busy woman if you can crush on 5 people a day. :)"<BR/><BR/>Oh, they're quick crushes...and it doesn't take much. An apt word. The way they enter the room. Their choice of adorning colors or complete indifference to adornment. I'm a crush-slut.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161790294440702412006-10-25T08:31:00.000-07:002006-10-25T08:31:00.000-07:00amusing, i've read that book. I loved the title. ...amusing, i've read that book. I loved the title. But i haven't seen the male version, or are you yanking my chain. "The Bastard on the Couch" That's awesome. There'a another book called "Undressing Infidelity. (and some snappy sub-title)" that is just a series of interviews with various women. I found that pretty interesting, and ultimately depressing.<BR/><BR/>MOI, i think it's normal too, but i don't recall much conversation about it, telling us that it is normal and not the end of the world as we know it.<BR/><BR/>thanks bo. I have been surprised a bit by the response. Everyone seems to know what i mean. I wonder if your pre-wedding crush was a scared thing. I look forward to reading about it when you do the post.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161775095985593292006-10-25T04:18:00.000-07:002006-10-25T04:18:00.000-07:00Great post Meno. Look how you got everyone talkin...Great post Meno. Look how you got everyone talking. I had a big crush just before I got married. It scared me actually. I think that crushes scare me, but I have lots of "issues" about infidelity. I was actually going to post about it sometime soon (after the whole housemate does the Caribbean story). This post and all the comments have helped me. To hear and understand that it doesn't always have to be a slipery slope is a good thing. I also related to Maggie's comment about my husband not being a crush when I met him.Bobealia...https://www.blogger.com/profile/15713026993668872520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161748582916015802006-10-24T20:56:00.000-07:002006-10-24T20:56:00.000-07:00This is so normal and I have experienced the exact...This is so normal and I have experienced the exact same thing. I used to feel guilty but I know that it was harmless and probably was healthy in that it made me feel sexy and attractive, especially if the person gave you some special attention, but at the same time, understood that you were indeed married and that wasn't going to change. It actually heightened the whole sexuality thing between my husband and I. <BR/><BR/> Crushes always took me by surprise, but I was glad I never acted upon them!Mother of Inventionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03797365678860039018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161741011774873992006-10-24T18:50:00.000-07:002006-10-24T18:50:00.000-07:00A look at these issues and other relationship conf...A look at these issues and other relationship confusions, read A Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood and Marriage.<BR/><BR/>See also companion volume, The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelinsg About Love, Loss, Fatherhood and Freedomamusinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03347183179627696626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161739879035382942006-10-24T18:31:00.000-07:002006-10-24T18:31:00.000-07:00bob, it is an overwhelming feeling. I'm glad you ...bob, it is an overwhelming feeling. I'm glad you resisted, and that you are happy with what you have.<BR/><BR/>nancy, it is unhealthy to deny it, at least to yourself.<BR/><BR/>caro, i hate denial. It really pushes one of my buttons. People in denial are not interesting to talk with. You are welcome.<BR/><BR/>antonia, and i am glad you did too. If we all had to stick by every stupid ass decision we made in our youth, we'd all be miserable. It's about knowing the difference between what is real and what appears to be ideal.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161714965109361202006-10-24T11:36:00.000-07:002006-10-24T11:36:00.000-07:00My marriage broke up because of my long-term, hear...My marriage broke up because of my long-term, heart-rending, passionate, all-consuming longing for the man I'm with now, that just got worse and harder to ignore as time went on, and I have no regrets: on the contrary, I often think about Ian or look at him and think "Thank God" with all my heart. What I worry about is how bonkers I would be if my marriage had stayed together. (But I was a twat for marrying the wrong person in the first place.)Antonia Cornwellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12754292976861979028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161714701635871512006-10-24T11:31:00.000-07:002006-10-24T11:31:00.000-07:00The world would be a much better place if everyone...The world would be a much better place if everyone, as you do so well meno, started addressing these sensitive issues in such an honest and forthright manner. I sometimes envy the denialists. I sometimes wish I could contrive this fantasyworld in my head and live by its rules. My sister is like that. She has the smooth face to prove it. But then, if such were the case, I would't have experienced this overwhelming sense of relief.And cried at how similar we all are. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161709185368748092006-10-24T09:59:00.000-07:002006-10-24T09:59:00.000-07:00So true, so true. There's nothing wrong with feel...So true, so true. There's nothing wrong with feeling a crush; it's unhealthy to try and deny it, I think. There's a vast world between feeling it (out of your control) and doing something about it (totally in your control).Nancy Dancehallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14169976337329559458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161703240511935992006-10-24T08:20:00.000-07:002006-10-24T08:20:00.000-07:00thailand gal, i think so too. i know quite a few ...thailand gal, i think so too. i know quite a few people who have left their spouses after finding true love, and then left that person too when the next true love came along.<BR/><BR/>de, i'm glad you learned. I don't have to imagine how painful that situation is. As for green eyes, you're not dead yet!<BR/><BR/>liv, those feelings <EM>are </EM>surprising in their power. Celebrities are safe, and some of them are damn cute.<BR/><BR/>suebob, beautifully said. Sadly there are many folks who never learn this.<BR/><BR/>jen, knowing where that line is is what morals are.<BR/><BR/>holly, stop it! You're making me blush. You are a busy woman if you can crush on 5 people a day. :)<BR/><BR/>lucia, yeah, it'a all a matter of choices, and some of them aren't easy. I want those men too! Your comment made me think of having the last kiss.<BR/><BR/>mamap, college had lots of fodder for crushes. I had this thing for one of my history professors. And thank you for the compliment.<BR/><BR/>dick, so we are not so different after all! Your comment is a lovely way to put it. I had a friend who used to say the same thing in a funnier way to her husband "You work up your appetite anywhere you want, but you eat at home!"<BR/><BR/>marsha, thank you. I think figuring that out is a rite of passage of some sort. Necessary, but bittersweet too.<BR/><BR/>maggie, that's one purpose in dating, to figure out that no one person is so perfect that they will (as suebob put it) make you complete. But crushes are still fun!<BR/><BR/>sanjay, thank you. Acting out on crushes can ruin lots of things, and spells the end of the crush (idealization) as well. Best to leave them alone.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161703003445684752006-10-24T08:16:00.000-07:002006-10-24T08:16:00.000-07:00I can SO identify with you on this. I've been mar...I can SO identify with you on this. I've been married almost 22 years and while I have never contemplated leaving my wife for another woman, a handfull of times my desire for someone else was almost overwhelming. But at those times, always in the back of my mind, was the fact that I can't live without my wife and no affair would be worth the loss of that. So occasionally I pine for someone (from afar) but go home to my life's love.Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13690660290319444722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161696781476994692006-10-24T06:33:00.000-07:002006-10-24T06:33:00.000-07:00I loved your post and the honesty with which you h...I loved your post and the honesty with which you have dealt with your feelings.<BR/>I think most people have crushes. A lot of us choose not to act on them. What I have with my partner can never be replaced by acting upon some crush. As peopel stated it's often the acting out on crushes that ruins things.karmichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10973922761187532706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161696285589554492006-10-24T06:24:00.000-07:002006-10-24T06:24:00.000-07:00It took me a long time to understand the differenc...It took me a long time to understand the difference between love and crushes. I dated so many crushes and when it all fell apart I would be so disappointed that they were not the perfect person that I had seen in my mind. Nor was the relationship. But when I married, I married because the feeling was not that mad rush feeling. It was complete calm. Utter comfort and being able to be myself all the time around him. I think the longer two people are together the more apparent what "real" love is becomes. But I still have the crushes too, becuase its fun.Lynneahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08255266354171825474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161689634925781092006-10-24T04:33:00.000-07:002006-10-24T04:33:00.000-07:00I completely agree, great post. I think there is ...I completely agree, great post. I think there is a world of difference between love and crushes and that many people just don't get that, glad I was able to figure it out and you too.Marshamlowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00604324969370405697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161678284672358762006-10-24T01:24:00.000-07:002006-10-24T01:24:00.000-07:00I didn't know that girls did that too! A good pos...I didn't know that girls did that too! A good post and one that does make one think. I have always felt that pretty girls were the flowers in the garden of life and it was perfectly okay to enjoy viewing them as I stroll through my life. It is just that you shouldn't try to pick one if you already have your own boquet at home.Dickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12381970360203140143noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161666311262964122006-10-23T22:05:00.000-07:002006-10-23T22:05:00.000-07:00I think about crushes all the time. I still think...I think about crushes all the time. I still think about the love I had for a man in college who I never even kissed, and this leads me to agreeing with your point about how crushes only last while idealism reigns. It's probably how I can still see him every so often (he's now bald headed and chubby) and still get that "downy feeling in my nether region" as you so nicely put it. Great post. Poignant and real as usual.Andrea Frazerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14293267612840259503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30306964.post-1161664665643734632006-10-23T21:37:00.000-07:002006-10-23T21:37:00.000-07:00One of the things I fear most being in a long-term...One of the things I fear most being in a long-term relationship is not ever having another first kiss. It makes me profoundly sad to think about that. When I'm carried away on waves of crushes, I wonder, why can't I have both? Why not? Because it'd likely really make a mess of my life. But, no mistaking, I want those men. Yes, I do. I want Matt and Cliff and Omar too.Luciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05295553538430945014noreply@blogger.com