Eighteen forever

Everything is fine. i was just saving you all from a major bitch fest with that last post.

I will just say that there are a few teeny tiny design flaws with the female body. Those of you who believe in a supreme being, please address this oversight with your maker and get back to me when it's fixed.

Onward....


When the going gets tough, the tough do a meme.

This one is from WNG, i think.

I am to list six things that i think everyone should accomplish before they are 18. But i have, as is my nature, changed it into advice i would give to an 18 year old from my perspective of thousands of years later.

1.) Learn math. Don't give me that whiny-ass shit about how you are not good at math. That's what i used to say, and i was WRONG. I am good at math. Math is interesting, and useful and it will change the way you think forever. So get over yourself and get into it. Don't stop there either, get some basic chemistry and go on to calculus. I don't want to see your face again until you can do a line integral on a plane.

2.) There's no need to head straight for college after high school, despite what everyone tells you. Go out and get a crappy job for a few years and see how that works. It will motivate you more than anything else to be serious when/if you do go to college. This advice would have saved me the thousands of dollars that were wasted on my first college degree.

3.) Take the stairs. I want you off that elevator unless you are handicapped or it's more than 10 floors.

4.) Don't be mean to the people who are "beneath" you. (Minds out of the gutter people.) Oh how fast that situation can change, and they will remember.

5.) Embrace new technology, but not indiscriminately. Try that button. What does undo do? Be curious. It might cause a few sad situations, but you will learn much from it, grasshopper. This will make people think you are smart when you can answer random questions about Excel or the data base or your ipod or whatever. Conversely, you don't need every new gadget that comes along. Wait until all your friends have wasted their money and then decide if you must have _________.

6.) Listen with scepticism, including to advice, especially from older people. Although i have to say that most 18 year old people have this one down.

If you can't say anything nice.....

Three things.

Mish mash i was takin' a bath.

1) Thank you all for your warm thoughts for Em, and me. And thank you so much for going to visit Anne. Her situation makes me realize what a whiner i am.

2) I have been enjoying playing mommy the last few days. The house is a wreck, but so what? I have been keeping my chipmunk-cheeked Em company. Last night we had a mini John Cusack movie festival. We watched "Say Anything" (Best monologue about future prospects EVER) and "Grosse Pointe Blank" (one of the BEST movies ever.)

This morning Em thanked me by saying, "You've been taking really good care of me mommy."

It's an honor to be able to do this mommy thing one last time.

3) I spent a few hours at the Flower and Garden show. I am always on the lookout for cool things i can turn into Christmas ornaments.

Yep, it's a bat. Made out of recycled chrome. It's supposed to be something you hang on your fence or in a tree in your yard. But i had to get one for my Christmas tree, because the thought of a bat hanging in my Christmas tree makes me smile.

it's done

Em is fine. Bruised and swollen, but okay. She's so brave it brings tears to my eyes.

Capacious needs your love even more than i do, so go give her some. Please.

I'm sitting here looking at two prescriptions, one for antibiotics and one for pain relief.

Neither one is for me. They are for Em, who will be having oral surgery on Wednesday.

She has one tooth that is refusing to come down and that is holding up progress with her braces. So the doctor dude will cut (*shudder*) into her gums (*shudder*) and maybe through some bone (*shudder*) and attach a chain to the tooth (*shudder*) that the orthodontist will use to pull (*shudder*) the tooth down. Ick!

I am a dent-o-phobe. When i was little and my dad was in the military we had some barbaric dental care. What does one do when one graduates last in one's class in dental school? One joins the military. I can barely stand to have my teeth cleaned. It's all i can do not to slap the hygenist.

So who is the idiot that opened her mouth at the ortho dentist dude's office and asked if maybe Em should have her wisdom teeth out while she's under?

That would be me.

She is having the tooth chain thing AND all four of her wisdom teeth out on Wednesday. It's a good idea because....there's no room for them in her mouth....she's young and will heal fast....they haven't developed roots yet.....blah blah blah.

I can barely stand the idea of my baby in surgery. At the appointment Em says, "Mommy you are more nervous than i am." True.

So i will be on milkshake duty Wednesday.

I wonder if the doctor would prescribe pain killers for me.

Mystery

About ten years ago, when i was still working (god i love saying that!), i was called down to the front desk because some flowers had been delivered for me. There were three peach colored roses with some greenery and baby's breath in a little glass vase.

The flowers came with a card that said "I think you're cute!"

Awwwww. How sweet!

I immediately called The Mister at work, "Thank you for the flowers," i cooed. "They are so beautiful!"

"Huh?"

"You sent me flowers for no reason, i love that," i went on. "That's my favorite reason for flowers. Thank you!"

"Well, now i wish i had, but i didn't send you flowers."

"Oh."

**Awkward silence**


I called the florist to try and find out who the flowers were from, but they had been paid for in cash. I still don't know who sent them. I could never decide if it was creepy or fun that i had a secret admirer.

I was reminded of this when i read amusing's last post about the day of Valentine's.

Have you ever had or been a secret admirer. Did you secretly send me those roses about 10 years ago? Well, thank you, there were much enjoyed.

How odd

My daughter thinks i am a better person than i am.

In my view, this is unusual for a teenaged girl, mostly because i still think my mom is a worse person that she probably is.

Should i hope she never figures it out?
Or should i try to become that better person?

Sometimes it's a little windy up here on the pedestal. Maybe the fall will be slow.

Whatever you want

At one of my volunteer things, i recently came under the purview of a very nice young man. (It used to be another very nice young man, but the first young man went off to better things.)

I am basically filling in for this young man for a few hours every week so he can get some other things done. He is a real employee, i am a volunteer.

I keep trying to ask him how he would like things done, paperwork, filing, phone interviews etc. His answer is invariably a look of confusion and a "Whatever you want."

This makes me want to choke him. What i want is that he and i, and the other volunteer should all be doing things the same way, to avoid confusion. I don't have any ego need to do it any particluar way. I don't need to be coddled just because i am a volunteer. I want to be as useful as possible for the time i am there.

I was expressing my frustration to the other volunteer a few days ago, to find that she is feeling similar, but has an actual reason for it. He has never managed people before.

Well duh!

Now i get to think about how i can get him to be more clear. We used to call this managing up.

Thinking, One woman's story

Oh the Joys wrote this post about the process of making friends with members of the opposite sex.

Bob wrote this post about Oh, the Joys post.

I was trying to leave a comment on Bob's post, but i realized that my heart was speeding up and i was getting anxious. Because i have feelings about this.

I do.

This will be all jumbled up, i fear, but that's how my thoughts are running.

Both the Mister and i have friends of the opposite sex. (Of course, mine are gay, but whatever....)

But there does seem to be a process, a procedure that should be followed, at least in this house, for making those friends. At least for the Mister. Because he trusts me. And yes, that is a one way statement.

I trust him, up to a point. And if you would like to criticize me for that you can fuck off. Because i knew, in a heartbeat, when he would start talking about a new "friend" which ones were trouble, and which ones weren't.

And i was right. My mistake at the time was not saying anything, not voicing my knowledge that this person was not a good choice for a friend. I don't make that mistake any more.

The Mister is......suggestable. He wants to be admired and flirted with. Even if it humiliates me, and it has.

Ouch. That hurt.

And i married him. What does that say about me? All those many, 26 to be exact, years ago? I will say that The Mister has learned a few things over the years. One of which is how valuable i am to him, and one of which is that he needs to honor my feelings about people.

So it's not that he can't have friends of the opposite sex, he can and does. It's that i need to meet them and see what my spidey sense has to say.

So shoot me. This is what i need to do in order to be comfortable with these friends. This is part of the healing process.

Infidelity, the gift that keeps on giving.

Blanket coverage

I went to my first meeting of the book club i am checking out last night. Our book was The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

It was all women with the exception of one elderly man, who didn't say a word the entire time. (Smart man, maybe.)

It was pretty fun. My observations were that a few of the people were more interested in talking than in listening. But that is true of almost any group.

I didn't have much to say until the end, when a few blanket statements were made, prefaced with the dreaded "They say that...." and "I read somewhere that...." Then of course on principal i have to present the other side. Because that's how i roll, and, as we all know:

ALL BLANKET STATEMENTS ARE WRONG!

Heh.

*******************************************

I was standing in line yesterday at a Tullys getting a green tea and, yes, you know me, a cookie. The barista looks at me and says, "Do you, like, have on Satsuma from, you know, the Body Shop?" I did indeed.

I told you that shit was powerful!

Up in flames

Last time we were at the Mister's mom's house, we were all set to leave her condo and go out to lunch together.

"Oh no! I can't leave. The washing machine is running."

"Huh? What?" asks the Mister.

"I can't leave while the washing machine is running because it might catch on fire."


WTF? The dryer i can maybe understand, or maybe not. But the washing machine? I remembered this moment just this morning as i was leaving the house with the washing machine, the dryer, the dishwasher and the refrigerator all running. I hope the house is still there when i return. (I am at my volunteer gig. See how hard i am working?)