Friday, June 23, 2017

I miss books and movies

I can no longer consume most media entertainment.  

I can't read much.  As soon as the story gets even the tiniest bit stressful, i put the book down until enough time has passed that i no longer care about the story.  Sometimes this takes months. I have been a reader all my life, but not now.  It feels too hard. I miss reading.

I was just watching a stupid dragon movie, one for kids basically, and as soon as the evil person plot twist arrived i hit pause.  It upset me. I wonder if i will ever finish watching.

I have heard lots about the popular TV/Netflix/HBO/etc shows, but i can't watch them, they make me sad. They all seem to be about scary situations, or unpleasant people, or both.  

It's all about managing anxiety, i think.  It feels like life is stressful and scary enough without watching/reading things that make me have feelings.

I am barely balanced. It takes just the slightest push to tip me over. I work hard to protect myself from the world.  

This cannot be normal.