Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Primer

(I was going to call this A Primer for Men, but that would be sexist and i realize that it could also be A Primer for Teenaged Girls.)

It's in pictures, so that even you will be able to follow along.

This is bad:


When you reduce the toilet paper to shreds and can see the cardboard roll, leaving it this way is rude. No really. I know, who would have thought, right?

Look! Right behind you is a toilet paper bonanza, a veritable breeding ground for toilet paper, there for the taking:

There is also a catnip mouse next to the toilet, in case you need something to play with:
Reach out and grab a new roll, like this: Don't be afraid, it won't hurt you, they are very gentle, and soft, and absorbent.


Place your new friend, the fresh roll, into its new home. Look at this, look at what you have accomplished.
Take a bow. You deserve it after this impossible difficult for you task.

57 comments:

pat said...

now that is damn funny....ay least you don't have target practice on your potty....

flutter said...

LMAO! Oh Meno.

Amen. Hallelujah. and also? that is so freakin true.

Melanie said...

Hallefreakinlujah!!! you should have videotaped it...

Who knew the cat didn't know how to change the toilet paper roll? :giggles:

furiousBall said...

i'm going to pee on the seat tonight in defiance

Maddy said...

Indeed! Step by step instructions are bound to help.
Cheers

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

sari said...

amen!

thailandchani said...

LOL! Oh, that's funny!

meno said...

pat, that's because i never had a baby boy i suspect.

flutter, yes. so true. so difficult.

melanie, you think it would be easier to undertand a video???? maybe i should.

furious, and this would be different from every other night how?

maddy, i hope so, dammit!

sari, i shouldn't complain, you are in a house with four males. This is your life.

chani, glad to make you smile.

Sober Briquette said...

Or put it on one of those little plastic hangtags like the steps to the BSE so you can put it right ... around his/her neck!

deb said...

I'll forward this to my middle daughter, she seems to need a refresher course. Maybe the could teach this in high school along with how to put dishes on the dishwasher, how to hang up towels and how to made the bed.

Mrs. Chili said...

Now, there's just no excuse for THAT. You don't even have to get UP to get a new roll! In my house, the new rolls live up on a shelf that the girls can't quite reach yet, so I cut them a fair bit of slack for that, but I'm sorry - you're totally justified in your outrage...

liv said...

you know, since i don't live with either men or teenage girls, i find myself to be pretty safe. that said, i have the secondary horror of shit smeared on the seat by unskilled preschool wipers. so, there's that.

Stucco said...

You forgot to specify that the flap/tear away end should be on the front side of the roll. I have some kind of disability with finding the end when it's backwards.

Nancy Dancehall said...

I see that the toilet paper has also been installed in the proper direction -- with the end going OVER the top. I think you SHOULD make a vido. I think you could turn it into a series -- 'Toilet Paper Replacement', 'Prompt and Proper Trash Can Bag Installment', 'Laundry Bin Usage', 'Hitting the Toilet; It CAN Be Done!' The possibilities are endless!

lu said...

Ha!

Joan said...

Girl...you make me laugh! Your little primer will be perfect for Hubby. Apparently he thinks, because he stands most times in our bathroom, he doesn't have to bend down to get the next roll out of the cabinet below the sink. How wrong he is!!!

Jennifer said...

I think I might print this and tape in on the bathroom mirror. Would you mind too awfully much?

:-)

Marsha said...

May I just take a moment to say how cute your toilet paper dispenser is?

My family is the same, I think I have forgotten to get upset about it for awhile now. The garbage basket is always filled to overflowing too, things will be falling on the floor and still it will not be taken out. Sometimes my teen leaves empty milk cartons or cereal boxes because the garbage is full and it is her job to take it out, so she just leaves it in the fridge/cupboard and I don't know we are out.

fiwa said...

Man, and you even have the easy-on-easy-off dispenser! This makes me sad. There is no hope, is there?

meno said...

de, i don't know what BSE is, other than Big Sad Eyes, which is what we girls use to get our way around here, but i like the idea of hanging it around a neck.

deb, oh, feel free. Dishes in the dishwasher? you are dreaming!

mrs. chili, outrage is a bit strong, but really, how hard is this?

liv, just you wait girl! Shit on the seat! I remember those days.

stucco, i completely agree with you about the roll orientation. All others are SAVAGES!

nancy, taking the trash out? C'mon, this will fit, or at least i can pretend it will if i close the door fast enough.

lu, :)

joan, making you laugh is my reason for being, really. Standing does not give one a pass on toilet paper replacement.

jennifer, oh, feel free. It's the least i can do to educate the world.

marsha, i know that teenager. One tablespoon of juice left in the carton means i don't have to deal with it, right? Thank you on the TP dispenser.

jen said...

is it still sexist if it's fact?

fancy toilet there, Meno...
square-ish..i like it.

Tink said...

I once gave Hoop this demonstration live. It started with me going into the kitchen and saying, "Hey, you wanna see something REALLY cool?" It ended with him calling me a smartass.

Daphne said...

My husband puts water in the liquid soap container when it gets too low. The refill container is in a closet less than four feet from the sink...

Oh, and he'll get a new roll of toilet paper out, but not actually put it on the holder...sigh.

Geez, I wonder what I do that drives him nuts....

deb said...

I just reread the comment I left, holy crap, what was my brain doing?

I shouldn't comment when stressed, I type like an idiot.

Candy said...

LOL. My husband could have written that, because I am just as guilty of leaving it empty as your husband. I WILL put a fresh roll on top of the empty cardboard one, but I hate actually threading the thingy through the new roll. And I have no idea why. I'm ridiculous, aren't I?

Mignon said...

Mine gets a new roll and just sets it on top of the shredded old roll. I think he's messing with me.

Also in defense of the paper rolling out the back: remember how fun it is to swat and swat at the tp until there's a 2 ft mound of unrolled paper on the floor? That can be prevented by running the toilet paper over the back of the roll. One excuse for committing this heinous crime.

Maggie said...

Ok, that's just pitiful. That toilet roll holder has no crazy, finger pinching mechanical device. You SLIDE the roll on and off. Not changing that roll is the epitomy of sloth.

That being said, I often don't change it, but grab a new roll and leave it conveniently on the counter for use because our roll holder has crazy, finger pinching mechanical device for changing the roll, and I hate finger pinching.

Andrea said...

Hmm. I know a few people I need to send a link to this post... Like my HUSBAND.

meno said...

fiwa, no, there is no hope. Give up now. Maybe we should just start bringing our own roll to the bathroom, the hell with everyone else.

jen, it's a fact that my husband does it, but (see above) it looks like some women are guilty as well. It's one of those low flow toilets.

tink, he called you a smartass? YOU? I'm shocked!

daphne, wow, that's really lame. I doubt if there's anything you could ever do that would be considered annoying. :)

deb, don't worry about it. I just assumed you were drunk. Kidding! I type with three fingers, so i type like an idiot all the time.

candy, this one is so easy that there really is no excuse, you just put it on there. The springy things are tricky and when we had them sometimes half of it would fly across the room as i was trying to replace the roll.

mignon, my SIL claimed that was her excuse too, that she didn't want her kids to be able to pool TP on the floor. I don't actually care what way it comes off, as long as it's consistent so that i can operate the roll in the middle of the night with my eyes closed.

maggie, those pinching ones are tools of the devil, like pantyhose and irons.

andrea, feel free to use this as an educational tool. :)

ms chica said...

I thought the catnip mouse was for emergencies...like when the TP is in shreds or not available and there's no one n the house to yell at, or if you want a quick smoke to alleviate your frustration.

Tink said...

I know! WTF?

Dick said...

It seems to me that the old roll did what it was probably supposed to do for the previous user and he/she didn't need any more. Why change it if you don't need it? The next person will see it and realize they most likely will want to change the roll before they start their business.

And I notice, you did get the paper coming off over the top as it is supposed to do!

Lynn said...

Next time that happens to me, I will remove all full rolls from the bathroom, and leave the empty roll where I found it...see if that doesn't encourage toilet paper roll changing in the future...Boy am I mean.

AC said...

With those newfangled paper holders that you don't even have to take apart, there is just no excuse. Before we put in the new kind, like yours, I'd often find the new roll lying atop the empty cardboard roll.

I guess thats better than finding no paper.

meno said...

ms. chica, i cannot say how the mouse got there, but i can guess. My cats will be sleeping across the house, but if i go into the bathroom, they will wake up and come visit me.

tink, what does HE know?

dick, you should change it so that the next person isn't stranded, and then doesn't kill you, so that you would be dead and they would be in jail, and that would be sad. :)

lynn, you are mean, i love it.

ac, no excuse whatsoever. But it still happens, so that is why i store the new rolls within handy reaching distance. No need to stand up.

egan said...

You should make a video of this and sell them on late night tv like that old dude selling CDs about the internet, Mr. Video Professor.

I still have one key question that someone else may have already asked, under or over?

egan said...

I really should read comments before commenting.

TTQ said...

Guilty! Off with my head! Sometimes I even have to call Honey into change it during my stay in the library. Most of the time the cat and beagle are there but there's that thumb thing and it's hard for them to change it for me.

Em said...

The pictures are helpful...but I always get stuck trying to figure out if the paper rolls over the top...or comes out underneath. Such challenging decisions.

My Reflecting Pool said...

hehehe. Duly noted. Now if I just apply this, my hubby might quit bitching at me.

Sienna said...

LOL!!

Men, teenage girls AND teenage boys!

Ya know what I did?

Put up two x t/paper dispensers, guess what affect that had...:)

TWO empty rolls!

Good one Pam.

Irrelephant said...

Meno, I guess I'm the rare exception to the rule--I'm one of those people who can't bear to see an empty cardboard tube. And sadly enough at my office full of nurses is the WORST for empty rolls--two restrooms, and it's not uncommon to find at least one empty tp tube and a hand-towel roll too.

And big chuckles at Nancy's comment--front over is the 'proper' method, not that 'hanging down the wall' thing.

My god I'm retentive.

amusing said...

This is what the world is like without Mr. Whipple. God bless Mr. Whipple. Let's all squeeze the Charmin in his honor.

WNG said...

I really want to send this post to every woman in my office, but I'd probably get fired.

luckyzmom said...

I trained my husband early in our marriage about all things bathroom, so he's really quite good about the TP. Recently,though, he has started to throw his socks into the clothes hamper without turning them right side out. After 31 years I guess he needs a refresher course.

Carolie said...

One of the best things about living in Japan...there is no toilet paper "spindle," just two "arms" which easily bend upwards, but not down. When the toilet paper roll is empty, one just lifts it straight up, and the arms lift up and release it. Then one takes the new roll and lifts it up from beneath the arms. The arms bend upwards until they are aligned with the hole in the middle of the roll. Then they flap down, and one can release the new roll...ta-daaah! Even Fearless Husband finds that changing the toilet paper roll is a breeze, and he actually DOES IT.

What is it about fiddling with the spring-loaded post in American toilet paper holders that is anathema to most men and teenagers (and many women)?

QT said...

I love this and am so bummed my work has blocked blogger so I couldn't comment on it RIGHT when I read it.

Very, very helpful!

capacious said...

You should make this into a poster and sell it. You'd never have to work again! Oh wait, you'd continue to not have to work!

Send me one for the boys. My husband DOES change the roll, but the wee ones, not so much.

San said...

Hey Meno--

I came over from Daphne's blog. Your post is in the nick of time. My college students are arriving home for Christmas break this weekend!!!

Rhea said...

A much-needed photo-documentary on replacing toilet paper. I must admit I don't always do it.

LazyLazyMe said...

You know, this is a bit petty. If there's toilet paper in the bathroom who gives a fuck if it's on the holder or not?

I can see the argument about pissing on the floor or replacing the toilet seat but this?

The phrase 'What is she really angry about?' springs to mind...

Wayfarer Scientista said...

The catnip mouse is there because there is a distinct lack of toilet paper on the roll to playfully drag around the house.

Sober Briquette said...

BSE = Breast Self Exam. My doctor's office has them on plastic cards you can hang on your showerhead.

Today I ran out of paper in the downstairs bathroom, completely out, no spare rolls. Mr. Lorenzo, who refuses to acknowledge that potty training has begun, marched upstairs to the storage closet, grabbed a four pack and stashed them downstairs by the toilet. Oh, he knows so much more than he lets on, that one.

meno said...

egan, kind of like Mr. Science!! I like that idea. I will get rich and you will get a percentage.

ttq, Silly animals. I can't go into my bathroom without a feline coming to investigate. What would i do without them?

Em, whichever way you decide, stick to it. This world important topic is a very personal decision.

my pool, i'm glad to be of service.

pam, ha ha, two empty spools! Of COURSE that's what happened!

irrelephant, i knew i liked you for a reason.

amusing, Poor Mr. Whipple. A sad little man really.

wng, could you post it as anon?

luckyzmom, off to laundry school for that man!

carolie, the Japanese are really quite clever, we could do with taking a sheet of their roll.

qt, those BASRARDS! they took away your ability to read blogger at work? Whatever will you do all day? :)

capacious, feel free to run with that idea. I want you to be rich and credit me.

san, hi there! feel free to print this out and give it to them.

rhea, bad rhea! No biscuit!

lazxy, you are so sweet. A BIT petty? This is massively petty.

wayfarer, that's hgood to know. Sometimes a paper towl roll gets abducted by the cats, but not usually toilet paper.

de, thanks for the translation. Guess i don't feel myself up enough. Better fix that. :) That Lorenzo is a smart guy.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

We already know who the culprit is and who it is not. There is some weird aberration in male DNA that renders its owners biologically incapable of mastering this difficult maneuver.

All the catnip mice in the world cannot alter this condition.

Mama P said...

Holy crap that made me laugh. I needed that.

Ryane said...

That was hilarious...and your cat is soo beautiful!