Friday, April 17, 2009

Out-laws

Because Clematis kind of sounds like clitoris.

In the past few months three of my blomies have had to close their blogs because of snooping in-laws.


I understand that this is the interwebs, and that it's all out there in the public domain, but what is it that makes people snoop like that, pawing through the archives like Michael Jackson over a small child, even going so far as visiting the blogs of frequent commenters (such as myself)??


I mean, what are they trying to do? Gather intelligence? And to what purpose? Evidence of what?


Evidence of a conspiracy? Evidence of swearing? Evidence of a leather fetish? Evidence of inter-species sex? Evidence that the blogger-in-law doesn't like you? I bet the snooper already knew that. It shows a level of prurient interest that feels creepy.


On the other hand, i wonder if i stumbled across the blog of a family member, would i read it? Probably. Obsessively combing through it looking for something about me (because i am the center of the universe, don't deny it.) No, in reality, i'd probably look it over, and then drop it, because really, who cares?


Of course, i shudder at the thought that my parents might stumble across this blog, because it would really hurt their feelings, and that's just not necessary, but realistically, the chance is vanishingly small, since correctly using e-mail is a major difficulty for them.


Has this ever happened to you? Or have you ever been the discoverer? What did you do? What would you do? I'm just bummed at the blog closures/moving. We all know that moving is a hassle.


Oh wait! That's what my kid did to me. Secretly snooping and reading for a long time until i caught her. Maybe she should answer this question.

34 comments:

Steph said...

I live in the small town where I grew up. (Went away, came back.) Since 1995 I have been writing a weekly humour/general interest column in the local paper (lately that's about all I've had time to post on my blog). My parents and in-laws live here, too, so I have learned how to write about my life while biting my tongue REALLY HARD sometimes because everyone in town knows everyone else and I like to get along with people! Some day, though, maybe there will be a "loosely based on a true story" Great Canadian Novel out of it all.... Not sure that answers your question, though. Caution or avoidance (thinly disguised censorship?), I guess, is my strategy. :)

The Real Mother Hen said...

Oh I so want to use a different name for this comment, like "My SIL is a Snoop Dog" :)

Curiosity kills the cat. And insecurities. Your relatives may think that you're doing something evil behind their back. That's just their insecurities, nothing to do with you, and certainly nothing to do with reality. I bet even you taking a breath and staying cool as cucumber, are enough to make them insecure.

Btw, whenever Husband tells some real life friends/ relatives about my blog, I gave him a good kick under the table. I've warned him that my karate kick will keep moving up his legs. He's scared shitless. Ha :)

Brad said...

Yup. Been there. Work folks who needed to peek and poke for what ever reason. I think most of it was idle curiousity but when the keep coming back (and digging around) and never comment and reveal themselves it gets creepy. I shut mine down in about 5 minutes when I found out. It didn't take too long to find a way to reconnect with most all my bloggie friends. For the one individual who approached me about things said there in, I just had to own it. But, since I meant what I'd written it wasn't hard to do. It was kinda fun actually. I'd never had said it otherwise.

flutter said...

I've BEEN discovered, several times. I have taken this line "If you are going to snoop, don't be pissed at what you find. If you are pissed then let's chat...otherwise, fuck off."

meno said...

steph, i can't wait to read your book, and think of the satisfaction of finally getting to spill it all. Yippee.

mother hen, great name! There is something to your theory. My husband knows better than to tell anyone about my blog. I didn't even tell him for the first six months.

brad, i remember that. It is creepy when they just root around secretly and never tell you. Cowardly really.

flutter, i just fucking love you!

de said...

sigh. I am glad I forgot the password to my sitemeter account.

For the benefit of ypur readers, I will retell my tale: my adult niece read my blog (I actually gave her the url, but then forgot/assumed she didn't read because she never commented), got upset, told my brother who got upset and told my parents. That's the part that bugged me. We're all adults here, so why get them involved?

My mother was very direct, though she ticked me off anyway because I specifically said, "DO NOT READ." Again, there comes a time in the parent-child relationship when the child is an adult and deserves to be treated respectfully. (It certainly ought to work the other way around, too.)

But none of this pertains to the sort you're talking about. My husband would read occasionally and never say anything. That really bugged me. I do not understand lurkers. I understand over-extended bloggers who can't comment on every blog on their blogroll, but not people who never, ever comment. It's creepy.

Cheesy said...

I Hope upon Hope my children don't read mine... They would be sorely disappointed to learn their mommers isn't a virgin~~

deb said...

Only my brother reads my blog. At one time he would pass things along to my mother but told him he had to stop doing that because my mother was wringing her hands and worrying that I was "depressed". My children couldn't be bothered to read my blog because it's not about them.

ETK said...

I want to marry flutter for what she said. Meno, you ARE the center of the universe, why would someone deny it?

Cagey said...

Before I told my mom about my blog, I scoured the archives and removed snark directed towards her. Still, every now and then, I come across a throw away comment that I missed. She has not dug through my archives much, so I am safe. The funny thing is that I make fun of my dad ALL THE TIME, but he has a great sense of self-deprecation when it comes to humor.

My FIL is in India and does not read blogs. Score one for the blogging world!

I was a little nervous when the book came out last year - to be open to a potential wider audience did make me nervous.

QT said...

I have been discovered by work people who lurk and don't comment. Even tho I password protect, it has definitely had a chilling effect on my posting, as I am sure you've been able to tell...

BTW, you forgot to add that you smoke cigarettes AFTER sex with weiner dogs wearing leather underwear...for SHAME!

Magpie said...

To my knowledge, no one reads that I don't know about.

I did used to read the blog of the husband of a friend of my sister's - a couple who happen to live in my town, and the wife was apparently forbidden to read the blog. They're not people I know well, like I've only met her a few times, and him, never - but it was a very illicit read. I once left a comment, and my sister was APPALLED. He's since shut the blog down...

Marshamlow said...

dooce was the first blog I ever read. When I started my blog I followed her advice, you need to assume that you will be found out and write accordingly. I just gave my url to everyone I know and if they want to know more about me they can read. I don't understand the need to be secret about the thinks written on a blog. I guess I am in the minority about that. I don't sensor myself, I am who I am.

meno said...

de, yes, ignorance is a valid tactic in the blog world. If you don't know who's reading, it can't bother you.

cheesy, WHAT? That's disgusting! I can't believe you'd engage in sexual activity, ever!

deb, love the kid comment, so so true.

etk, flutter pretty much rocks. And thank you for recognizing my certrality to the universe!

cagey, i think i like your dad. I can see why being included in a book like that could be a mixed blessing. Although i till think it's cool as hell.

qt, i remember that too. Yuck. Oh, and i didn't mention the cigarettes because i was too ashamed to admit it, plus i got the weiner dog hooked too.

magpie, i wonder if he shut it down because of you. Did you find it by accident or were you told?

fiwa said...

Yep - someone at work found my blog and started reading. I even tried to block it and they still found ways around it - so whoever it was was very determined. I never did figure out who it was either. I guess now that I don't work there anymore, it doesn't matter. Like someone else said, I stopped looking at site meter. You could make yourself crazy, really. But I do find myself editing what I would like to say just in case one of my in-laws stumbles across my page.

furiousBall said...

i've got their evidence right here, guess where i'm pointing

it's my balls

Daisy said...

WHen I thought I got found part of me was amused that the ex would be horrified, but then I freaked about potential rebound from it. If he saw it, he never said anything, but I shut it down anyway.

SUEB0B said...

My sister found my blog and read the whole thing. Printed it out and read parts of it to other family members. It made me feel very, very odd. She suddenly had this intimacy with me that I did not necessarily feel for her. My blog has not been the same since, sad to say. I don't blame her but it has been a very strange thing for me.

Mrs4444 said...

I think that knowing that ANYone could be reading my blog provides an accountability that keeps me from writing anything too snotty about someone or just too bitchy. There are a few family members I would LOVE to spew blog about (lots of fodder there, I'm afraid), but I can't. Therefore, I probably come off as sweeter than I really am. LOL

luckyzmom said...

If I actually wrote on my blog I might have something to worry about!

Disturbed My SIL is the Bitch who Inspired this Post said...

People who exercise poor or no judgement when it comes to invading privacy,are typically the same ones who shit bricks when the tables are turned and their shit finds its way on the street. They aren't pious, or better than the rest of us, but sanctimonious and emotionally unstable.

Schmoopie said...

Many people are overly concerned about what other people think of them. So much that they turn to snooping to find every detail no matter how painful it may be for them. It's all rather sad.

I have a fake f*cebook page but still write as though I could be found! You never know.

colleen said...

I try not to put in writing anything I wouldn't stand behind. That being said I can think of one (sick) person that I would be upset if he found my blog. Honestly, I wonder why more family members don't comb my blog. Most have enough to do.

hockamama said...

I've been called out a couple of times. remember the sister in law from hell (ohio) who comes every july? for some reason (the only one that I can think of is I'M A DUMBASS) way back in the beginning of my blog, I was still in the early throes of love, and I included the link in my email signature.

said SIL emails me back with a snarky comment about how it was nice that I hadn't shared my blog before now. that was, of course, almost immediately following the post about their horrible visit.

then of course, any time I write something about my brother, mama calls and defends him.

AND, my son told me a few weeks ago, that he has gone back and read every post of mine. ugh, how many were about him?!?

meno said...

marsha, you are lucky that you don't have mean thoughts like i do. Or that you are smart enough not to write them down.

fiwa, i remember that. I suspect i will be sorry one day about many of the things i have written.

furious, believe it or not, i had been able to guess where you were pointing. :)

daisy, in your case, there could be legal ramifications, or at least he might try, so you did the smart thing.

suebob, wow. I wonder why she felt the need to share with the rest of the family. How odd. Must have made her feel important for a little while.

mrs. 4444, ha! I could stand to sound sweeter than i am. :)

luckyzmom, that's one way to avoid offending anyone, don't write.

disturbed, don't feel like the Lone Ranger. As you can see, you have lots of company.

schmoopie, yeah, that's smart. I know that someday i will get bitten in the butt by my blog. But birds gotta swim, fish gotta fly, i gotta write.

colleen, EXACTLY! Most people have lives and don't need to spend it looking for insults or wahtever. i hope that person never finds your blog then.

holly, oh the foolishness of new love. If only we had been smart enough to keep quiet. I suspect that the few people i have told will someday let it out.

Maggie said...

that's like family trolling...a scary thought. I wonder what the next Thanksgiving will be like.

And by the way, how in the heck did you find a weiner dog that likes wearing leather?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I've also seen several blogs I liked disappear because of family pressure. One of them changed her identity three times and now has a private blog to which I was not invited, so I took her off my blogroll.

I don't think my extended family or in-laws have enough interest in me to read mine, except for my children on occasion, who are always welcome. At their own risk.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Sigh, I have tried to be careful, and not say anything harmful about my family or friends for that reason...but I figured I was safe from work. Except I think my boss may have discovered my blog. One of the reasons I haven't been posting as much, recently. :-( Fortunately, I love her, and haven't said a mean thing about her, but I'm also not sure I want my BOSS to know I so freely drop f-bombs and obsess about my cats....

meno said...

maggie, i picked the dog up in a gay bar.

hearts, "At their own risk" heh! that's for sure.

princess, it's times like this when i am really glad i don't have a job. No one to fire me for inappropriate blogging.

Sally Forth said...

Thanks for addressing this, meno.

Robin said...

i don't know. i've been thinking about this since you posted it and i'm just confused.

i need to think about it some more.

maybe when i get it sorted out, i'll blog about it (heh).

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

This happened to me in reverse. I wrote a post about someone I was FURIOUS with. I didn't use names. But she read it and stalked me mercilessly, sending me emails about how I was a horrid, dirty mother and my marriage was a sham and she'd sue me for character defamation and on and on. Yikes.

sari said...

I don't say what I really think when I'm mad or about family because most of my family reads my blog. Not that they're bad, but sometimes you just get mad, you know?

Except my mom, I never much talk about my mom and I've never told her I have a blog.

I have a SIL who started a "family blog" recently and I left a comment on her blog (hers is protected and she had sent me an invitation) now she reads mine a lot and I'm sure I've probably given her a few heart attacks, not talking about her but because I'm not probably as nice. But what can you do?

I guess I have to just get used to it for when I'm famous (HA HA HA).

Shelle said...

wow, so many thought provoking comments. I firmly believe that we have a right to privacy and that friends and family should fess up if they are reading our blogs. Its no different to leaving your diary or address book on the coffee table. Its not an open invitation. Most people would resist the temptation to pick them up and read through them without your invitation. I can't see why blogs should be any different. I think its a matter of integrity and respect. I have recently started a new blog for this exact reason.(well almost, its a work in progress at the moment)I got a bit to open and personal on the last one and was being cyber-stalked by some weirdo who happened to figure out who I was.