Still

It's hot enough here that i have retreated outside to a lawn chair in the shade. I know other places are hotter, but most people here do not have air conditioning, so 100 degrees F is pretty F-ing hot.

I don't spend much time sitting outside in our yard. I realize that this is sad because as i sit here, quietly reading, the wildlife that i normally miss because i am blundering around carrying a hose or a shovel, has forgotten i am here.

A bunny hopped right by me, about a foot from my chair. (Good thing my cat is too hot too move, as he likes bunnies.) Normally i squeal when i see a bunny, but this time i managed to just watch him hopple by, nipping at the grass as he went.

Off to my left, several birds are cooling off by splashing in the creek.

The douglas firs have a whole tiny forest growing on their trunks.

An opportunistic bit of grass and a baby maple tree are the first signs of a tree trunk reverting to soil.

In the lawn, an bright orange bug sits on a white mushroom.

WWMD?

Went hiking last Friday with my friend. It was beastly hot that day. (Stop snickering, it was over 90 degrees F! So it was too hot.)

At the terminus of the hike, this is what we found:

Mmmmm. That water sure looks cool and refreshing.

We looked left:

We looked right:

No one in sight.

Hmmm. What to do, what to do?

I'm sure you would have made the same decision we did.



(As an aside, the most common way for google searchers to get to my blog is something like "family sk*nny dip" or "sk*nny dip blog" all because of a post i wrote over two years ago about a hot summer night at our house. Weird.)

An effective method for surviving teenagehood (hers, not mine)

It was observed by a clever friend (also the parent of teenagers) that teenagers often add a silent "dumbass" to the end of their sentences. The "dumbass" is communicated by tone rather than the actual word, as they can deny tone.

Examples: (use your inner snotty teenager tone for the second sentence in each example.)

"Have you seen the cat?"
"No? Why would i? dumbass!"

"Do you have work today?"
"I already told you my schedule, dumbass!"

"I like that new song by Linkin Park. Can you tell me the name of it?"
"They have lots of new songs, dumbass!"

The Mister and i have taken to voicing the silent dumbass after many of Em's sentences. It makes us laugh, and occasionally makes her laugh too. But mostly it pisses her off.

I count that as a double win!

Do try this at home. It's lots of fun!

Liar

Lies.

Lying liars.

People who lie. A person who lied.

Right to my face.

I am many things. Not all, in fact not many of them, nice. But i am not a liar.

(Okay, i will lie about those pants and your butt.)

I will not lie about where i am going and with whom.

I will not compound the first lie by telling background lies to cover up the original lie.

And when i am caught, i will not try to lie my way out of it.

I hate being lied to.

I am now looking back at all the things you told me, and wondering what else you are lying about.

I hope it was worth it.

Right now i hate you.

Conversation effectively killed

I bet everyone has had this happen. You are chatting with someone about whatever the hell and the other person inserts a comment that leaves you sputtering to justify yourself or without anywhere to go, conversationally speaking.

Some examples:

Me: "Hey did you see what happened on American Idol last night?"
Conversation Killer: "I would never watch reality TV."
Me: "Ah..."

Me: "Hey, have you ever eaten at *local steak house*?
Conversation Murderer: "I don't eat animal products."
Me: "Okaaaay."

Me: "Fred Meyer is having a sale on store brand diapers!!"
Conversation Snuffer: "I would never let my child wear disposable diapers."
Me: "Ummm."

And so on... You get the idea.

For a long time i didn't watch TV. Not because i was too cheap to pay for the cable (really!), but because i am vastly morally superior to you. People at work would often be conversing about whatever TV show was in at the moment. I learned to say "I don't watch that show. Tell me what happened," rather than "I don't watch TV," because that made me sound like an ass and left them with no where to go.

So i am trying to come up with a response to conversation killers that is as effective and non-snarky as my response to useless ranters.

My first thought was (as my dad likes to say) "Well, SMELL you!" But that doesn't pass the non-snark test.

Maybe the best thing is to just let the conversation die right there, and sit there looking at them.

Got any ideas? Snarky answers accepted and appreciated, as always, but i AM looking for a real idea too.