Sunday, September 06, 2009

Why?

Do you know damaged people? I know damaged people.

I have a friend, a friend that most other people don't understand how i could be friends with, because she is so guarded, so odd, so....uninteresting.

I have recently found myself trying to explain why i like this "uninteresting" person. In thinking about it, replaying the conversations to think about what i should have said, i suddenly got it.

What i find, in this damaged person, really damaged, damaged in ways that i don't know and cannot truly understand, is the courage this person has, to go on and find a way to live a life, a full life, maybe not a full life in a way that i think a full life might be lived, but full for her.

That means courage to me. Not a courage easily recognized, but i see it. I just realized that i see it, and i respect the hell out of that.

Quietly, and with great respect for the distance that living this life requires, for her.

Look around. Do you see her?

23 comments:

nick said...

I know exactly what you mean. People who've experienced terrible psychological traumas but are still determined to get everything they can out of life are impressive. It would be much easier to sink into self-pity and neediness but they refuse to take that route. I can identify with that, having had a pretty dysfunctional childhood myself.

Mrs. Chili said...

At one point (maybe even still), I used to BE her...

deb said...

I live with her, I married her. And thank you for this today. I'd never thought of my husband like this, I was too busy being angry with him for being so distant. Thank you.

deb said...

And you made me cry!

Vulgar Wizard said...

I am her.

meno said...

nick, it is impressive to see someone take the harder way, without self pity.

mrs. chili, and look at your life, Pretty cool of you!

deb, i didn't mean to make you cry. Guess this hit you at home.

vulgar wizard, well then, i think we can be friends.

The Real Mother Hen said...

I know one damaged person who constantly reminds people around her how much she has gone through and how damaged she is. That, I see no courage whatsoever.

I happened to watch TV last night and saw a documentary about raped victims in Pakistan. To those women, I guess to continue breathing is a true courage as they struggle to hang on, just for the little hope in the distant. That made me cry.

SUEB0B said...

I sat next to her in church yesterday. When it was time to "greet your neighbor," I took her hand, but there was about 6 feet of emotional concrete between us.

thailandchani said...

Oh, yes. I am familiar.



~*

Greenwoman said...

Well said. *smiles*

No I haven't been in the wine yet said...

Yes this is familiar.

There are so many flavors of normal out there. I've noticed there are more people unable to comprehend experiences differing from their own than there are people who truly appreciate the diversity of individual experiences, and what it means to get past yourself or at least your past self.

It isn't that they don't appreciate what it means to overcome adversity, but that they seldom pay attention to what lies beneath the surface of a person's actions.

flutter said...

I am so familiar with her that it makes my heart ache

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Being able to recognize courage in others is a true gift. It's too easy to write someone off as being unworthy of our friendship without trying to understand them. We are all damaged in some way; some kinds of damage are just more obvious than others.

Marshamlow said...

I have to wonder about the other people who discourage your friendship with someone because that person is dull or odd. I have a lot of trouble being friends with those types. I am pretty dull and odd myself.

meno said...

mother hen, it's the quietness that gets my respect.

suebob, emotional concrete, a perfect description.

chani, :)

greenwoman, thank you.

you know who you are, i think i was given a glimpse beyond the dullness, then i wanted to persevere.

flutter, it's the familiarity that pulls me in.

hearts, truer words... We are all damaged.

marsha, no one has tried to discourage me, they are just puzzled, not seeing what i see.

sari said...

I would much rather have a friend like that than someone who walks around their whole like saying "Why ME?" and uses that as a crutch to never grow up/move on/live without taking from everyone else because they "deserve" it for having had such a shitty life. I've seen plenty of that.

thecheekofgod said...

Thank you for your kind words at Flutter's.

Damaged people? I know a few . . . and in their shadow I learn to live.

Scott from Oregon said...

You mean, anyone NOT know damaged people?

Dianne said...

you're so right about the courage it takes

and hugs to you for seeing it

Schmoopie said...

You are a true friend to recognize and support that person in your caring way. Your friendship helps give her the courage to live her life.

I know plenty of these people. Don't we all?

Vulgar Wizard said...

*s*

Dick said...

You have hit on an important thing that most of us rarely even think about let alone recognize. Some (most?) of "those" people, while they may be different from most we know, really do a great job of just living, something most of us take for granted. Thank you for recognizing this and bringing it out here for the rest of us to think about.

ArtSparker said...

These people can also be visionaries, I have found.