Thursday, October 29, 2009

In case that's too small to read, it says, "What men see in women or women in men to admire is generally a puzzle to those who know the men and women in question intimately."

It's a quote and picture from a book that is over a hundred years old. It belonged to my grandmother and was published in 1901. the title of the book is Crankisms and the author is Lisle de Vaux Matthewman, with illustrations by Clare Victor Dwiggins.


At some weddings a part of the ceremony is to ask the audience if they will support the newly minted couple. I always enthusiastically answer this question in the affirmative, and i really mean it.


So, some of us don't understand what you see in the man you have chosen. He's not a bad man, i just don't think he's anywhere near wonderful or funny or engaging enough for you.


But you chose him. And i support you in that choice.


I do.

17 comments:

Daisy said...

I agree. Though part of me wishes a good friend had shaken me by the shoulders and said "What are you thinking!"

nick said...

I guess at the end of the day many women (and men), having spent a lot of time searching fruitlessly for the perfect partner, settle for someone who's just a bit special rather than The One. And of course other people wonder what happened to The One.

Mrs. Chili said...

It was important to me that a statement of community support be part of our wedding ceremonies. Nothing happens in a vacuum, and community is particularly important to me (the woman who sawed herself off of her (very diseased) family tree).

I'm being a community support for someone else at the moment. I like to think that I'm making a difference.

lu said...

It's all a craps shoot.

Relationships R Hard Work said...

It's interesting, our friends ask that question of themselves during the ceremony, while we are left to ask the very same question of ourselves five, ten, fifteen years later.

It's a shame the memory is the first thing to go.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

That bit of rather ancient wisdom still holds true today. But I stand with you in that we support our friends and relatives in their choices, whether or not we believe they are good ones. (Assuming, of course, that the prospective "other" is not a known ax-murderer.)

meno said...

daisy, i do wonder, would you have listened?

nick, i do not believe in The One. You make it happen as we are all human, and flawed.

mrs. chili, i love that part of weddings. that's about the only part though. Thank you for making a difference for someone.

lu, craps is the word sometimes.

Relationships, how i wish you could have made that R backwards. :)

hearts, no, not an axe murderer, just kinda boring.

Dianne said...

a timely reminder indeed

someone I love loves someone I'd like to toss from a bridge

but I try ...

Leann said...

I believe that quote just about sez it all!

Dick said...

There is no perfect match for any specific person and one reason is that people are changing all of the time. The challenge is to find one who is close in enough of the areas that are important to you AND then being able to accept some little imperfections. And you must recognize that is a two way street, with him/her accepting some of your little imperfections. I think that when a relationship goes long term this is shown in how much alike the two people often become. But they BOTH have to work at it.

Maggie said...

yes yes the sentimentality and support and such.

but it's fun to have a reason to say I do again isn't it?

sari said...

Sometimes it's easy to see, sometimes it's not. But it's more a reflection of how we feel about that person than how they feel I guess.

I came to tell you that you had the Leela inspiration dead on. I don't think anyone else would ever get *that*, but then again, you're much more observant than many! ;-)

luckyzmom said...

It is especially difficult to enthusiastically answer that question affirmatively when one of your children is involved. I do too though. )

Clowncar said...

That's a sweet sentiment.

Other people's marriages, happy ones and sad ones both, are stories told in a language you don't fully understand. I like that about marriage.

Bob said...

I've always felt that it is my and my wife's job to make the marriage work. The community's involvement is only to respect the institution in general, not mine in particular.

That being said, I "support" anyone's right to make a choice without regard for the quality of that choice. Because I want the right to make my own choices.

I support the choices my friends make, even if I don't agree with them because I realize that I am not always right - and they deserve to make their own mistakes.

And the really deserve to make their own happiness and who am I to rain on their parade?

Brad said...

Everything happens for a reason. I've learned that I might not like a friends choice at first but in the end it's either worked out with a 'lesson learned' or I was wrong in the first place.

The Topiary Cow said...

This is fantastic art and a fantastic saying.

How cool that it is from 1901.

Moo!