Monday, January 25, 2010

Hypersensitive

This happened a while ago, but i just started to think about it the other day in a new way.

The Mister and i went out to dinner with another couple who are good friends. Wine, food, conversation, the usual.

During the dinner The Mister did this thing he does that makes me cringe. He acted all the Big Man with the waiter, trying to be buddies with the man. Discussing wine like he knows what he's talking about, talking with a slightly louder voice than usual, leaning back in his chair and nodding knowingly.

Ugh!

The next morning i went for a walk with the woman half of the couple, as we have enjoyed doing together for years. As we were walking and talking about this that and everything else, she told me that she had been SO EMBARRASSED by her husband's behavior the night before.

Huh? I hadn't noticed him doing anything heinous.

Apparently he had done this thing that he does and tune out anything that might make him have to participate in any decisions regarding the meal, choosing wine, discussing whether or not to get an appetizer or a dessert, dividing up the bill. He's a "whatever you guys decide" sort of man.

She mentioned it because The Mister ended up paying for more of the meal than he should, because her husband had not been paying attention, and she felt badly about it.

I hadn't even noticed, and in any case, it tied in nicely with the Big Man routine of The Mister.

Ha ha, we laughed and went on to something else.

This happened about 6 months ago, and for some reason i thought about it the other day. I hadn't realized how it shows how all up in our respective husband's business we both are. Looking for things to criticize and privately roll our eyes over and be anxious about.

Pretty silly when you think about it that way.

18 comments:

SUEB0B said...

I fear this has made up 90% of how I spend my relationships.

Not That I Have Flaws... said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean.

I've been trying to be less anxious about behaviors specific to my spouse, and remind myself there are times when he needs to mark his territory. Provided he doesn't urinate on anyone's leg it's usually pretty harmless.

nick said...

Now you've got me thinking about my own behaviour! I'm sure there are plenty of Nick things that make Jenny secretly cringe. If she's really exasperated, she'll point them out, but usually she stays tactfully silent.

I don't get chummy with waiters and I don't opt out of making the decisions, but I do have to stop myself obsessively scooping up every last morsel of a particularly tasty dish.

Maggie said...

I do this, but post-mortem. During any situation like this I spend the entire time worrying about my behavior and being annoyingly shy and nervous. But two days later or so I start thinking about my Mister and then I brew.

I just love that your husband and her husband have such compatible 'things that irritate the wife'. It's like they were made for each other! Heh.

de said...

(Leaning back, nodding knowingly)

furiousBall said...

(leaning back, nodding at de and saying "mmm, hmm")

Mignon said...

de and furiousBall made me laugh.

Your post was so perfect for making me cringe at my morning convo with my husband before he left for work. Although "the thing he does" is more inconsiderate than annoying, and I maintain that inconsiderate "things that he does" are not above reproach. See? Still rationalizing...

Scott from Oregon said...

That's why men have "men's clubs".

To get away from the eyes...

Bob said...

I don't think I want to know "the things I do" - I'm afraid if I ask the floodgates will open.....

egan said...

Did he only pay 30% of the bill or something?

luckyzmom said...

Oops, I think I may have a log in my eye.

meno said...

suebob, hmmm. Not fun is it?

no flaws, funny how that marriage license gives us license to cringe.

nick, i remain silent too, mostly. But the point is that i should just knock it the fuck off and quit trying to overmanage.

maggie, they are made for each other in that way.

de, HA! I HATE it when you do that! :)

furious, the two of you should "do lunch."

scott, i can totally understand that. Kind of like i have quilting group.

bob, i would never ask about my "thing i do" either. I prefer to remain perfect!

egan, how would i know, i wasn't paying attention. I let the Big Man take care of it.

luckyzmom, that must hurt!

sari said...

You are correct!!

Dick said...

I think we all have some things that those closest to us would change if it were that easy. But it is pretty good news when those things are really just minor and not really big problems.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Yes, there is this "thing" that Flip does, and it makes me cringe even though he only does it at home, thankfully.

He picks up his soup bowl after it gets to a certain level and drinks from it. It affects me like nails on a blackboard, even though I assume he does it because he lived in Hawaii for many years where he learned the Japanese custom of picking up ones SMALL soup bowl. For some reason, he does this with large bowls as well and I simply can't watch. On the scale of things, much better than a serial killer or cigar smoker, I know that, but still...

Oh, The Joys said...

There is always THAT THING THAT THEY DO, no? Heh heh.

Dianne said...

silly - perhaps

but how cool to think about it and see it in a different way

Liv said...

this reminds me of how my husband and i recently sat at the bar of a casual seafood restaurant while having a late dinner. a bevy of young girls came in as a bachelorette party. they wanted LOTS of attention and asked that their ipod be hooked up in the bar with all sort of (awful) AWESOME party music. he and i exchanged a couple of comments about how silly it was to try to make a splash in this small town, and then came the piece de resistance: husband says, "y'all. i'm going to take my pregnant sister home and then i'll be back." as if he's so funny, he says it a couple more times in case he hasn't gotten a high five from any number of guys he's known for ages who have it on good authority that he's no ladies man. at that moment, i'm not even offended, i'm just thinking that i'm married to that guy who will kill his brilliant one liner by beating it to death.