Thursday, July 15, 2010

Unrelated Things

I've decided to keep score in a different way, one that will be sure to get me into heaven; if i believed in heaven that is.

It must be easy for nice people to be nice.  I wouldn't exactly know, but i'm imagining that less effort is required than is required for me.

Being rather a snarky person, i often have some snarky comment bubbling up inside me.  I'm now going to give myself credit for every comment that i DON'T say!  Believe me, there must  be thousands of them every year.

Brilliant!

Feel free to use my new accounting method!   

You're welcome.

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The Mister and i were talking about orange juice the other day.  For both of us, when we were children, our mothers gave us special teeny tiny glasses of orange juice in the morning, and that's all we could have.

It's as if orange juice was this special expensive treat that must be doled out sparingly.

What's up with that?  It can't have been all that dear as we always had frozen.   Making orange juice involved getting a can out of the freezer and plopping the contents into a pitcher and adding exactly 4 and a half cans of water and then poking at the lump of orange concentrate with a wooden spoon until it finally dissolved. (Sometimes we would even lick the lump, but don't tell mom.)

Our mothers must have gone to the same mom school.  How about your mom?

19 comments:

Marshamlow said...

I wish that I could say that there have been a thousand times I have kept snarky comments to myself this year. Sadly I tend to let them out more than not. Especially while Jeff was gone I seemed to be a lot less tolerant of everyone and everything. We also had the small orange juice glasses.

Gordo said...

I don't really remember the juice rationing protocol at home, but my Mom's aunt would dole out the stuff like that when we went to visit her for a meal.

Sabra said...

Ditto at our house -- the small juice glasses. Let me posit that it was an old wives' tale health issue -- that too much orange juice had too much citric acid and would rot out your stomach and give you an ulcer...... That darn citric acid! Look how they use orange oil in cleaning products now! Our mothers saved us! Whew!

de said...

Funny, I was just telling my kids today about making juice from frozen concentrate. They don't get it. I bought a can of limeade, and the instructions haven't changed: add 4 1/3 cans of water, stir.

You can actually give yourself a varying number of points, depending on the situation in which you hold your tongue.

JelliDonut said...

It's tough when you're a natural-born smart ass. I like your idea. As for juice, I think maybe our moms had the right idea--more of the whole fruit and less of the fiber-removed version. Seems like all servings of drinks have grown astronomically. This can't be good--unless it's wine.

meno said...

marsha, i bet there were still a thousand times. Really. Think about it. How many times did you NOT say, "Get out of my way asshole!" or some such?

gordo, weird. The Mister still likes to poor himself a HUGE glass of OJ. I imagine it must feel so decadent.

sabra, i guess we should ask our mothers. I hope i can remember.

de, I think i like your accounting even better!

jelli, natural born and proud of it! The Big Gulp is a sign of our times.

nick said...

If I got a credit for every unspoken snarky comment, I'd sail into heaven easy. I'm very good at thinking the most outrageous comments but also good at keeping them in my internal snark folder.

I don't remember having much orange juice when I was a kid, whatever the glass size. But we had lots of tinned fruit, marinated in gigantic quantities of sugar. Strangely enough, I still possess all my own teeth.

Gina said...

I am totally using that score-keeping method. I will be sainted in 6-9 months!

Bob said...

One (of the many!) lovely things about our vacation in Greece & Egypt was that fresh orange juice was on every menu we read. In big glasses!

juice glasses are always small. If I had to guess, it originates from when fruit was not readily available everywhere at all times of the year. (remember getting oranges in your christmas stocking and it was a treat, not a filler?) Fruit used to be a luxury out of season or for those of us not raised in the sunshine state(s).

Mrs. Chili said...

I'm learning to release my inner bitch when she can't do TOO much damage...

Magpie said...

Your mother was my mother.

blah blah blah said...

I don't remember juice begin rationed out. I'm pretty sure my mom was just grateful for anything we consumed that had an icon on the food pyramid. Never mind the copious quantity of natural sugar.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Bread and water. And that, grudgingly. Because I was bad to the bone. Plus the occasional liver and onions, just to really stick it to me.

Holding down the snarkiness is a physical battle sometimes, especially when the comment is really clever. At least we'll have each other to talk to where we're going.

floribunda... aka Julie said...

juice was always served in small glasses, but we made ours in the blender...

mischief said...

My parents bought pulpy orange juice and told me it was shredded toilet paper. I have no idea why. I didn't like orange juice much for some strange reason; maybe they orchestrated this. They also bought powdered milk to drink, to be mixed just like the juice in the brown plastic jug and stirred with the wooden spoon, hopefully until it was lump-free. Utterly disgusting.

Hey, nice to meet you, by the way. :)

colleen said...

All we got was koolaid because it was cheap.

I miss my nice girl hormones.

Scott from Oregon said...

But I think you should penalize yourself points everytime you withhold a WELL DESERVED snarky comment.

sari said...

I give my kids OJ in a regular glass, but I only fill it halfway because they NEVER drink it all if I fill it more. If I give them half, they ask for more and drink it. If I fill it up, they drink half and either I drink the rest or it goes to waste.

egan said...

This orange juice scenario is identical to one my grandpa used. I swear he gave us 2 ounces in a 2.5 oz. glass. Misers!