Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Choice

The Mister shocked the hell out of me the other day.  He told me that he is going to try and not leave the toilet seat up any more and asked me to remind him every time he does it.

That sound you just heard?  That was my jaw hitting my chest.

I grew up in a house with two older brothers, both of whom were trained to put the seat back down when they were done peeing, so i though this was the way it should be.

When The Mister and i first lived together, i used to get angry and nag him for not lifting the seat.  He was unmoved by my requests and my anger.  After a while, i gave up, as it was not worth it (although i still thought dark thoughts about him from time to time).

It all comes down to choices.  Is it more important for him to be right or is it more important for him to make me happy?

And of course, that works both ways.  Because it has often been more important for me to be right than to honor what is a trivial request because it make him happy.

Learning, always learning.....

9 comments:

JelliDonut said...

I hear ya, sister. Mine started putting both the seat AND the lid down when I gave up asking him to. Finally told him if I took a butt bath in the dark in the middle of the night, I guess I would just deal with it. I never mentioned it again.

Mrs. Chili said...

I know this isn't a post about the toilet seat, but I consider myself very lucky that my husband insists that EVERYONE reset both seat and lid when they're done, so my potties are always closed. LOVE that I don't have to fear falling in in the middle of the night.

Sometimes, when I've got enough distance from it, I think it's funny the things we choose to battle over. I mean, really? HOW does it affect me in the least that my husband leaves his laundry on the floor in front of the basket, or that my kids leave their jeans inside out? Not at all, but it still makes me crazy. Clearly there's something underneath that, but I haven't yet figured out what it is..

Bob said...

Like Mrs. Chili said, it isn't about the toilet seat...BUT:

A while back, when I started having to get up in the middle of the night to pee (getting older by the minute), I reached the conclusion that if I didn't turn the lights on it would be easier to get back to sleep. (don't ask me why). Of course, in the dark I cannot see to aim so I always sit down to do my business. The first time I took a butt-bath (as JelliDonut so eloquently put it) I figured out the smart move was to always make sure the seat was down. I haven't had a wet butt since.

There is a stage in successful marriages when the individuals have a) come to realize that their significant other has their little foibles
b) they aren't going to change
c) they mean enough to you to accommodate them
d) that it really doesn't take much effort to do so and
e) the result is much increased happiness and a closer marriage.

congratulations.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

We keep both seat and lid down when not in use. My son, who grew up in a house with a mom and two sisters, has always done so as well. It's a great relief not to fall in as I also don't turn on the light in the (can I say "wee hours"?) because it's jarring and I know where everything is.

I'm glad the Mister has come around. It's not that huge a sacrifice, really, so why not do it for you?

tysdaddy said...

This is one thing that we need to work on. In my own defense, my wife has never complained about the seat being up. Maybe she just has learned to tolerate it. And my youngest boy? He doesn't even put the seat up when he goes. Just lets fly all over. Now THAT'S disgusting. Perhaps it's not too late for some training . . .

;-)

jaded said...

Correct or Happy? It sounds like the compromise varies according to the incident.

Thankfully splash landings are rare, but we have to keep the lid down because a four-legged occupant believes the toilet is either a) the world's most awesome punchbowl, or b) a public fountain deigned appropriate for feline grooming. Either belief leads to a wet seat and an awesome slipping hazard.

De said...

Even when I specifically ask for "help" with a habit, Tony will never put himself in the position of reminding me. Marriage is hazardous enough.

meno said...

jelli, i think both lids down is the most equitable solution. I learned to always check after taking a butt bath of my own. We refer to that in our house as "The Poor Man's Bidet."

mrs. chili, Laundry not actually IN the basket does not get washed. I don't know if there is anything HUGE behind it, at least in the beginning, before it becomes a power struggle. It just pleases me to live in an orderly environment.

bob, you have it exactly. Sometimes it takes me and The Mister a while to pull our heads out of our stubborn asses and do the right thing. As you say, the result is a happier and closer marriage. Win/win.

hearts, i don't ever turn the light on either, much too bright for my night time mole eyes. It's such a simple question you ask, the "Why not do it for you?" Why not indeed?

tysdaddy, oh man, little boy pee does go everywhere. Good luck with that.

jaded, too many times i have chosen correct. But it has to go both ways or i end up feeling disgruntled.

de, it is indeed hazardous. And sometimes it seems that it just becomes more hazardous over time, rather than easier. That's why we needed to do a reset.

Magpie said...

interestingly, my husband generally pees sitting down, so the up/down thing has never been an issue...