I'm still alive. I have one foot in hell and the other in purgatory, which counts as progress.
Still fighting anxiety and depression and loneliness and hurt feelings. I think i'm winning though some days it's hard to tell.
Not divorced yet, but proceeding along that line. So sad. So, so sad.
Keeping very busy, that's my method for dealing with the feelings. My therapist says i need to do more grieving and crying. Perhaps. Perhaps.
What do i really have to tell you? There's a long period of slowly moving onwards, slowly getting on with accepting the new normal. My problem is that i just don't see how my loneliness will ever end. Will anyone ever love me again? Will i ever have another life partner? I hope i do because i don't like being alone. The feeling that no one has my back makes me feel intensely vulnerable. But what are the chances that a 54 year old woman will find true love? Not high.
I really want to be able to look back over this time in my life and have it come out okay in the end. I secretly want this story to have an uplifting ending.
Friday, November 04, 2011