Monday, January 16, 2012

Pity, party of one

*
 Grief is a lonely emotion.

Grief is burning out my insides and making room for something new to grow.


I feel like i have something to tell you, but i keep typing words and then deleting them as too pathetic.


I am lonesome.  I've never lived alone before.  I find i don't much like it. 


This process i am going through feels endless.  I am told that it will get better, but i don't know when.  And besides, how can anyone know if it will get better?

To be honest, i am better, some of the time.  Em was home for a month and left early yesterday morning and i am missing her.  So that's why i am blue.  But hey, the two of us are going to Hawaii in less than two months. I'll try to keep that in mind.

30 comments:

Dick said...

After Annie died I went ahead and made the RV Snowbird trip that we had been planning for that next winter. Even with Huggy (my cat) along, it was no where near as much fun as when there had been two of us. After 38 years, it really did seem odd to be off by myself, and not just for an hour or so but seemingly for the rest of my life.

That changed later that year when I met Pat. But it was 15 months after Annie's death and a year after Pat lost Sherm. There is no way to tell how much time it takes to work through the grief of a separation but when you do start to come through it the world does look a lot better. Hang in there and enjoy whatever you can of your day to day activities. Life really does get better in time.

Lilith said...

Are you working? Would that help? It's not the same I know. Sending hugs.

Bob said...

Living on my own during the week, I have an idea what it's like. Bachelor life is not for me, but there's a freedom in it - it's easier to try new things, an opportunity to indulge myself a bit.

But I do live for the weekends. I know that yearning.

Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.

Mrs. Chili said...

The tone of your post reminded me of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4wxX2OtNbo


Breathe in and out.
Get out of bed every day.
Even if it doesn't get better, it will start to hurt less, I promise.

jaded said...

I can and have lived alone, but I prefer sharing the house, the responsibilities and the joy. It has taken time for me to become accustomed to sharing.

The thing about things getting better, is none of us really know when, how long, or even if, but we do know things will change. The difficulty is that some things change so gradually that we hardly notice it happening at all, like sediment collecting on the ocean floor, instead of all at once, like the flip of a switch.

nick said...

Good that you two are going to Hawaii. That should lift your spirits a little. Your description of grief sounds like a bushfire. And the thing about bushfires is that new vegetation can grow more quickly than you think.

Taradharma said...

i hear you, i hear you! keep writing about it, then take a nice long walk.

it has got to get better, and from experience I know this to be true. I also know that when you are smack in the middle of it that doesn't do a damned thing for you.

dream of Hawaii....

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

I am so sorry, grief is a bitch.

I wish had more to say, but I will say this, I am reading. I am listening.

Peace to you, Meno.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I'm very glad you and Em are going to Hawaii. Two months will go fast. Remember, it's your Spring break, too. I know you'll have fun and be cradled in the sheer beauty of the place, and things will look much brighter when you return.

wheatgerm said...

go pick up garbage on the street it works

De said...

Hoping your week had some bright spots and you're not missing Em quite as much as you were Monday. I was thinking of you because my kids went nuts over the REI trip catalog that came yesterday, wanting to go to Machu Picchu. You're probably the only person I know who has been there.

lu said...

It is just hard, everyday.

The good thing is that Em is ok, all grown up and productive.

Give yourself more treats, go places on your own if you can.

Set mini goals, to do things that pamper yourself.

You earned your goodness! Reward yourself.

Lynnea said...

I think of you often. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could meet you for cookies every day. Because none of us can really do more than be here. And here we are, hoping for you.

I think the reason people tell you it will get better, even though none of us can truly know that, is because of who you are. You've got the qualities of human-ness that we all seek and I believe if you have those, the world around you will yield to their presence.

Taradharma said...

checking in and wishing you would post again. no matter how it's going, we want to hear from you!! Did you try that picking up garbage thing? Sounds depressing to me....

Taradharma said...

I know, I know. Breathe deeply. How does life get so fookin' complicated?

mischief said...

It's March now. I think you might be in Hawaii right at this moment, sipping on a Mai Tai and eating slow roasted pork. And maybe dancing by the edge of a pool, with a bit of aloe on your nose. Happy. Something like that, I hope.

Penny said...

Love and Blessings, Meno.

Sorry that I have been away from here for so long.

Please do post a picture of you in Hawaii with Em. <3

Sabra said...

I've been thinking about you. CHecking in.

xo

fiwa said...

What's been going on with you lately?

Anonymous said...

How did your trip go?

--Elsk

Anonymous said...

Please give us an update. Hope all is well.

Say It said...

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

mischief said...

Hope you're doing okay. Thinking of you today.

Biscotto said...

Hi Meno, it's Biscotto. How are you doing?

mischief said...

Hey... you still out there? Just wanted to tell you I was thinking of you (again) and that I hope you're alright. Hope that your quiet means you are too busy enjoying yourself to write...


Lisa

mischief said...

It kind of scares me that you haven't been here in so long. I worry, I worry about things, it's what I do, so maybe nothing is wrong and you're just having too much fun to write stuff. I hope that's all it is. I keep looking for you, hoping that you're well.

Biscotto said...

You okay?

mischief said...

*tap tap tap* Please come back and tell me you're okay.

colleen said...

When I'm alone for too long I want to live with someone. When I live with someone for too long I want to be alone.

I do hope you will be feeling better soon and I appreciate this honest sharing.

andrea frazer said...

Hey, where are you? HOw is life ?We miss you. Andrea