Monday, December 11, 2006

One Moon Unit

Here is a good story to tell your child if she ever accuses you of embarrassing her.

"Oh yeah?" you can say, "listen to this!"

When i was 10 or 11, my mother showed her naked ass to my entire girl scout troop. While i was there.

Top that!

Here's the scoop. My mother was at the height of her weight at that point in her life. Which means that she was probably 100 lbs (45 kgs for my friends who are wise enough to live somewhere the metric system is in use) overweight. She had recently fallen down the stairs and landed on her arse. She had a HUGE bruise as a result. It was probably 12 inches (30 centimeters) in diameter.

She was convinced that the ever changing status of this Rorschach test of a bruise was a fascination to all. The entire troop, maybe 15 girls (no conversion necessary), was on a "campout" in some old lodge building in Virginia. After a night of singing around the flashlight and doing skits, my mother decided that the perfect way to ensure that sweet dreams were had by all was to bare her biggest asset to the crowd so they too could enjoy the current purple fading to greenish hue of her backside.

So she mooned the entire troop, me included.

I remember getting all hot and then wanting to disappear that instant into the ether.

Now it's a great story to tell Em if she ever says i'm embarrassing.

23 comments:

liv said...

No kidding. All I ever got from a girl scout camp out was my Mom (the leader) going into labor in order to produce my sister. I was embarrassed, but only because everyone was pissed off at me because we had to leave.

you win.

Jennifer said...

Oh. My. God.

I would've been horrified. But then, I'd like to think I'd also be smart like you and store it up for ammo at a later date.

Ha! :-)

Thailand Gal said...

ROTFLMAO!!!


Peace,

~Chani

Mother of Invention said...

Man, I thought my dad was bad mouthing off complaining to the manager at the grocery store! Did they give her a "baring all your assets" badge?!!!

jen said...

wow. that is terrific ammunition..in fact, not only w/ Em, but all your friends who won't eat anything fried...something like...oh, so you think eating that french fry in front of me is embarrassing, i'll show you embarrassing...

or maybe not..but somehow, it works.

DDM said...

You win. My mom embarrassed me many times growing up, but NEVER like that. Hands down, you win.

Mona Buonanotte said...

I think I've accidentally revealed too much cleavage to my Boy-child's classmates, but it was NOT my fault. Damn stretchy material anyway....

QT said...

WOW - Yes, my mom did many things to humiliate me but that one takes the cake.

Em won't ever win when you've got something like that to whip out on her (hee hee!)

Bob said...

Wow. I feel deprived. I can't recall anything that my parents did to embarrass me. Now I feel a vital part of my upbringing has been left out.

Once again Meno leads the way to make the U.S. more relavent to the rest of the world by using units used by everyone but the U.S.

I remember when the U.S. actually attempted to convert to metric and all interstate signs had both mile and kilometer measurements.

meno said...

liv, i don't know, that's a pretty good story too!

jennifer, the image is seared upon my mind. But it does make a great story....now.

chani, it is quite the amusing image!

MOI, no merut badge for that, alas.

jen, i see what you mean. I wonder what those ladies would have done if i'd told THAT story. Probably fainted.

ddm, it is a pretty hard one to top.

mona, when they are older they'll appreciate the cleavage more. At least yours was accidental.

qt, Em had pretty much conceded the victory to me. All i have to say is "mom's ass" and it's all over.

bob, maybe some therapy will help you deal with this terrible deprivation. When i was in engineering school i came to realize that we are insane to not use the metric system

AC said...

You've got me beat too and I really thought I had that category sewed up. My mom. Knocked down a notch.

I had tinkly earrings made of bells that embarassed my daughter. She doesn't know how bad it could be.

It is a great story.

Josephine said...

Crikeys! What the?

What goes through people's heads? Now that I think of it though? My mother has never embarassed me. Not once. Weird...

bobealia said...

Have you mentioned it to her as an adult? I wonder if she regretted it the moment she did it? I can't imagine thinking it was a good idea in the first place. Did she spike her hot chocolate?

Lucia said...

Holy mackerel sapphire Davis! Doesn't get any more embarrassing than this!

alphawoman said...

This isn't a mother embarrassing moment, but a twist. My sister was dressed up as a belly dancer along with several of her dancing buddies in her 7th grade class. My mother (this might be the emabarrassing thing about my Mom!!) was monitoring the class for the Nuns and made my sister and her pal come to the front of the room to show off their outfits. Unfortunately for my sister while she stood there her top fell off.

She said our Mother laughed the loudest.

Obviously, she will never recover from this trauma .

meno said...

ac, feel free to use this story to frighten your daughter! "Here's how bad it COULD be!"

josephine, it does make one wonder. Why was she so sure that we couldn't live without seeing her bruise? Why oh why?

bo, i've never asked her about it. I think i will. Now that i look back at it she might have been tippling in secret. I would if i had to spend the night in a room with 15 11 year old girls. You have a new cat's ass picture! It's excellent.

lucia, My mom doesn't do anything half-assed. (snort)

alphawoman, oh no! And your mother laughed? I mean, i might have laughed too, but i would have tried to hide it.

Mrs. Chili said...

Ooof! Was she sober at the time?!

I just can't top that - either from my childhood stories or my motherhood stories. Here's hoping I never give my kids that kind of material...

patches said...

Wow! I don't remember a specific incident about my mom embarrassing me at that age. But I do remember my mom inadvertently flashing the church minister when he came to our home on an unannounced visit. I invited him to wait in our kitchen until she was available. Little did I know, he caught an eyeful when she was dashing back and forth between her bedroom and the bathroom. He excused himself to wait in a room without a view. Embarrassing the clergy is a lot more powerful in my book.

urban-urchin said...

Yeah, so my parents while embarrassing, have never done anything like that. That's amazing meno.

sari said...

Oh My Gawd! I am, like, SO sure!

Oh, wait. Wrong Moon Unit.

meno said...

mrs. chili, now that i look back, i don't know if she was sober. But she probably was. Scary.

patches, ha ha! Probably made his day. Serves him right for coming by unannounced.

u-u, yeah, it pretty much wins huh?

sari, oh fer sure. Gag me. I mean, like, you know, really!

Lisa said...

Oh, did I ever need a laugh. Thanks so much for bringing me one!

Lisa said...

I'm sorry for you but at least you got a great story out of it.