Someone i admire did a post recently that has me thinking about the ways that the relationship between the Mister and me has shifted over the
many, many, many years eons we have been together.
In the beginning, i was the one who was fiercely protective of the relationship, wanting to spend most of our time together. I felt that i was more committed to the "couple~ness" of us.
For example, if he was away on a business trip, i wanted him to call me once each day, if at all possible. I became anxious and unable to sleep if i didn't hear from him. He thought this was excessive and that the anxiety was my problem. I still don't have a clear answer on that one. Is it obsessive to want to know that my family is safe and where they should be at night?
Over the years, it now feels like he needs me more. Now when he travels on business, he will call/IM me sometimes up to 6-7 times a day to report on his activities. It can get a little annoying. I no longer wait up at night until he calls, telling him if he gets in past 11:00, to not call as i will be asleep.
I wrote this a few days ago, and whilst it has been sitting and gathering computer dust, i have been mulling it over in the shower, in the car, while listening to music. Just what has changed, and why?
I have always valued family very highly, probably above everything else. In the beginning, i felt that the Mister did not share this value. He was a young man, just getting started in the world. There were jobs to devote his life to, other men to impress with his business prowess, and money to be made. I often felt like an afterthought. I felt like that afterthought for many years. It didn’t feel very good.
(Caveat: these are my feelings, i make no claim as to the Mister’s feelings.)
After damn near dynamiting this family into oblivion, the Mister really does value me, and his family, his only family really. That feeling is what i have been seeking all along, someone who shares the value of a family with me, and understands that things need to be done to nurture this family. Now that i have that, i do not feel the need for hyper vigilance to protect my little corner of the world.
So it is much more likely to be me who is traipsing off into the world by myself on any given night, knowing that all will be well when i return.
Trust gives me freedom.