Monday, March 10, 2008

Household tips*

*second in a rare but informative series.

(Plus a gratutious picture of my cat.)

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Today's tip: Do not microwave liver.
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I roasted a whole chicken last night (yes, with a lemon up its ass.) The chicken came with the usual disgusting extra bits.

I thought the cats might appreciate a little treat, so i put the liver into a little pyrex bowl and threw it into the microwave for 30 seconds.

Within 15 seconds, the liver EXPLODED. There is gore everywhere. The inside of my microwave looks like someone tried to dry off a poodle. There are grisly bits of flesh stuck, nay, cooked onto the walls. Maybe they can film Saw V in there.

Pate anyone?


Considering his role in the event, Grey Cat shows a lack of concern about "the microwave incident."

42 comments:

Candy said...

I absolutely adore Zola's back feet, all curled up like that. So sweet!

Sober Briquette said...

three words: high fat content

am I speaking of liver? of Zola?

Diane Mandy said...

Ewwww. Consider it noted.

Franki said...

Don't microwave whole eggs either. Trust me on this one.

fiwa said...

See? That's why I can't have a cat, because I'd be tempted to walk up and spoil that cute scene of curledupatude. Great photo. :)

Liver in the microwave - I bet that smells purty special too. yuck.

ETK said...

OMG! I love love LOVE Zola!!! Send him to me. Do it woman!

H.E.Eigler said...

Ewwwwww. Just ewwwwwwww.



and cute kitty!

sari said...

ick. ick. ick.

though, your cat is cute.

Vanessa said...

duly noted! Cute kitty.

Mrs. Chili said...

Okay, I've got two things to say:

EEEEEW!

and

Awwww!

Mrs. Chili said...

oh, and you know that Zola would have preferred the thing raw, right? I'm just sayin', no one offers to roast the chickadees and mouses that my kitties catch in the yard, and they eat 'em just fine...

Daphne said...

Actually raw meat is easier on kitties digestion (then again when my cat eats a bird NOTHING is left so how delicate is their digestion anyway?).

We watched a show on pet food which showed that the industry standards are so low that most pet food is questionable. Cats do best with raw meat, so we've been saving the raw wing tips from our chicken and freezing them. Monk eats the entire thing, leaving no evidence at all. Plus the bones are safe when they aren't cooked.

BTW I think I have the same quilted pillow shams and spread but in red!

amusing said...

What if you left the microwave door open and kitties went in and cleaned it out? (You know, with appropriate WARNING! CAUTION! signage up so that you don't end up with some Urban Legend about the kitty in the microwave....)

furiousBall said...

Don't microwave Zola either

egan said...

There's nothing quite like microwave fish. Are those Saw movies any good?

liv said...

OMEGA!!!! that cat is cute. i want to rub its belly.

meno said...

candy, I KNOW! WOOK at his widdle footers... squeal. Oh, ahem. Sorry.

de, heh. Zola IS NOT fat, he's big boned.

diane, yeah, 'twas a nasty mess.

franki, really? I guess that makes sense. So, how long before it exploded?

fiwa, after i took his picture, i did, because he was so cute.

etk, no. Just no. He's MINE!

he, eww about sums it up. Of course i was just about to have guests over so i had to spend extra time cleaning it up.

sari, he IS cute. And a good boy too. He likes to snuggle.

vanessa, and don't forget, ut was really loathesome to clean up.

mrs. chili, there seems to be a lot of that sentiment. I know, i should have given it to him raw. I don't know what i was thinking.

daphne, yeah, i know, i used to make liver "milkshakes" for my one cat when he broke his jaw. We have good taste!

amusing, these cats are TOO BIG to fit into the microwave, because believe me, i thought about that.

furious, what? why not?

egan, i have never, and will never, see a saw movie. i am a wuss.

liv, he would like that.

patches said...

Microwaves are dangerous. In a moment of desperation, I sawed the end off a broom handle because I needed a pestle to create a proper mojito. Weeeeellll, I was I little concerned about cooties so I put the handle in the microwave to nuke all the germs, and promptly set the fucker on fire stinking up the whole house.

Zola has such large feet. Wink, wink.

TTQ said...

Kind of exploded like oatmeal does huh? Peeps can explode too. You name it I've tried it.

Alli said...

Awwww!!! Zola is sooooo cute!!!

Liver? eww. bleh. (says the girl who works for a liver surgeon)

hockamama said...

great picture! don't you just love how they contort? so, where did you come up with such a cool name, anyway?

Nancy Dancehall said...

BAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Oh that's funny.

Peeps explode too. It's fun to watch. Happy Easter.

flutter said...

OK, your cat rules. Liver is foul. FOUL...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Zola looks a lot like Truffle, who has often been mistaken for taxidermy.

I usually saute the livers in a little butter for cats as the microwave is mainly for heating up her refrigerated catfood to the temperature of fresh kill. But sometimes memories of being forced to eat liver as a child surface and I trash them before I vomit (again.)

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

There will be no liver in this house (period).

Your fat kitty makes me want another fat kitty...ours is here no longer (unless you count his ashes, which have been sitting here next to the computer in a cloth bag for like two years...)

Stucco said...

I wanna be that comfortable. Fucking daylight saving time...

Marshamlow said...

I love liver but hate, hate, hate, the smell of it cooking. I never thought of giving it to the cat, what a great idea, now I know don't nuke it! I hope you and the company had a great evening.

Maggie said...

So you're like the Martha Stewart of cat owners. Only you're a lot messier. And a lot less annoying.

Anette said...

Oh I wish I was there! I would have laughed mye head of, after my heart came in to normal rythm again that is...

pat said...

chopped liver..you made me laugh on an otherwise bleary grey day..the cat rocks by the way...

meno said...

patches, excellent story. It all sounds so logical until the flames start. Zola may have big feet, but he ain't got no nuts.

ttq, i've cooked oatmeal in the microwave before, it has never exploded like this did. Peeps? That sounds like fun!

alli, he IS cute.

holly, we adopted him and his brother, Greco, from a shelter. they actually came with those names. If they had been Boots and Fluffy, we would have re-named them.

nancy, is there some kind of peep exploding fetish out there? You people are SICK!

flutter, i had to eat liver as a kid. Foul is right.

hearts, that would be an interesting position in which to have him stuffed.

mrs444, we are mostly a liver free zone too, but this came with the bird. I would be sad without a kitty in my life.

stucco, i know, i hate daylight savings too. And it's just a useless gesture. Thank you government.

maggie, i would have cut the liver into a shape if i was MS for cats.

anette, it was funny. And gross.

pat, glad i could make you laugh. Now get over here and help me chip internal organ meat off the walls of my microwave.

Say It said...

okay, your microwave, ewww. The kitty, awwwwwwwwww.

Mama P said...

I think Robert Downey Junior's liver did that before he quit drinking.

SUEB0B said...

Ooh, I love the curled up kitty toes. Soooo sweet (while they are sleeping).

Mona Buonanotte said...

Kitty bellies are, like, the best things ever.

Exploded livers? Not so much.

Irrelephant said...

Socks don't do well either. Rode in to work one day on the bike, got caught in a sudden rain squall. Had no option but to stay in wet socks, thought I'd have a bright idea and micro them briefly to evaporate the water out.

Fire. Smoke. Other grief at my then-employer's warehouse full of very expensive high-end home theater equipment. I disposed of the burning socks and went commando the rest of the day. Boss never figured out what had happened, and I never told him. *chortle*

Tink said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I probably just broke your comment box.

Tink said...

Success!

luckyzmom said...

A face anyone would envy. And those ears, adorable. Liver explosion, not so cute.

mamatulip said...

Chick peas do that too. I put some in the microwave once and within about seven seconds several had exploded and a handful were on fire.

I found the whole thing quite shocking.

TroyBoy said...

Cool. And gross. But mostly cool.

I saw your comments over at Pass The Zoloft and thought I'd come over and check you out - and no, not in any way the involves leering. You're funny. I'll be back.

crazymumma said...

oh look at scrumpdilicious kitty....