Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A brief side trip

You will not be able to guess where i am at this moment. Frankly, i am not sure where i am either.

Having not been pwned (Em assures me that this is how it is spelled) enough by flying home from Japan, this morning i got up at o'fuck thirty and flew to Ohio with Em.

So yeah, i am in Ohio, three MORE hours east from Japan.

Em is checking out a college that she feels pretty sure she wants to attend.

We had to drive for about an hour after flying into Columbus. And what did Em and i notice about the drive? There must have been 50 road kills in the 25 miles we drove after getting off the highway, and two thirds of them were raccoons. I am not exaggerating, fifty!

How are there any raccoons left?

Does someone collect all the carcasses and make coats?

What kind of steak was that that i just ate for dinner?

38 comments:

Marshamlow said...

We have a ton of roadkill down here as well but it runs more to the armadillo variety. Mmm tasty gumbo. Safe trip.

Daisy said...

Will you get me one of those Daniel Boone hats while you are there?

[P.S. When I was in Yellowstone, I swear all the prairie dogs were suicidal; they'd wait by the side of the road in the great empty wasteland that is the red desert there and then just as we approached, they'd run out in front of us just begging to be run over...]

Franki said...

Oh man...at Ruby's!!!?? Shoulda had the salad bar. ;)

Maggie said...

we used to go to a restaurant close to where I used to work called the roadhouse cafe only we called it the roadkill cafe. big ole steaks there. they had the best dinner rolls though. the point being that...um there really was no point.

wtf is pwned? am I too drunk on this wine to figure it out or is it just my daily bassackwardness?

Jonas said...

"What kind of steak was that that i just ate for dinner?"

Why? Did it taste like chicken?

Princess in Galoshes said...

Joe's Roadside Grill- You Kill 'Em We Grill 'Em!

Mmm, raccoon.

SUEB0B said...

Mmmmm raccoon steak

QT said...

OMG - you crack me UP!

I read an article once that postulated more roadkill right after the full moon - can't remember what the theory was. Tho there was a full moon on Sunday night, I believe.

egan said...

Holy shit, you're out of town again? Your sense of time must be so off.

The term "pwned" was used on me once and I thought it was a damn typo. I'm so old and unhip.

Mama P said...

You went to Japan? I am a bad bad reader. I'll be back.

furiousBall said...

my alarm is set for quart past fuckoclock

Bob said...

Ohio - I flew into Dayton once (on my way to themiddleofnowhere Indiana (it was cheaper than Indianapolis). Not much to see, I have to say, and I missed the roadkill. Around here it is mostly armadillos. with some squirrels thrown in for good measure.

I do remember being served country-fried steak in a roadside diner and it hung off the edges of the plate. Never wondered WHAT kind of meat it was until now.

fiwa said...

god, I hate those o'fuck thirty flights - they suck.

I hope the campus tour goes well.

meno said...

marsha, can't say as i've ever (knowingly) eaten armadillo. Does it taste like rattlesnake?

daisy, if i see a Daniel Boone hat, it is yours. I guess it must be depressing to be a prairie dog, or a raccoon.

franki, well, desert was okay. But the salad bar had grimy little kids sneezing all over it, so i passed.

maggie, pwned is internet speak for owned, or something like that. As in "I totally pwned that test." I only know these things because i have a teenager in the house.

jonas, now that you mention it.....

princess, someone is missing out on a lot of free meat!

suebob, have you really ever eaten raccoon? Oh wait, never mind, you are a vegetarian!

qt, that must be it, because i swear there are at LEAST two corpses every mile.

egan, you have no idea how fucked up my time sense is. I'm only very slightly cool occasionally because i have a teenager.

mamap, i did, and lived to tell the tale.

furious, i am SO not a morning person.

bob, Today is one of those beautiful spring days that makes you almost believe that the weather in Ohio might be worth living here for. There were a few squirrels too, just for variety.

fiwa, i hate them too, passionately.

Maggie said...

I think that one of these days you need to give us a "how to be hip like the teenagers" post expounding all the latest lingo so us clueless w/o teenagers can feel 'with it'.

Diane Mandy said...

The things mothers do for the kids!

Daisy said...

well, I was thinking you could just MAKE me a Daniel Boone hat with your choice of all those free coon tails by the side of the road....

peevish said...

Just be glad they weren't skunks. Can you imagine the skunk funk?

Sorry about your endless jet lag. Someday you'll feel normal again.

tt said...

you otta see the roadkill after a tornado has swept through. Geez-o-pete...people are just a scramblin'...mouths a watterin'...thinking about what's fer dinner. Ewww-weee....thems good eats there. Yup!

hockamama said...

being born and raised in ohio-which, much to my family's disgust and chagrin, I insist on calling 'the armpit of america'- I have seen more roadkill than you can shake a stick at. growing up, my husband's cousin would run over the dead animals, just to hear that satisfying pop *shudder* until his daddy kicked his ass for smelling up the car one night.

funny thing, though, now that I live in the south, the people here don't seem to be as redneck as the many people I encountered in the first 30 years of my life up north. the old stereotype has some merit, but whoever publicized that theory clearly hadn't spent much time in the heartland.

and it's flat. another thing I didn't realize until we went back for a visit, there's like a line that separates the pretty from the flat.

once when I told my preacher that ohio was the armpit of america, he wondered what that makes us down here. I quit saying it after that...

glad you're back safe and sound and had a good time. I'll bet the food was awesome, but how weird was it to not understand much of what you heard and saw?

Gina said...

Here in PA, you get used to the roadkill (on the road, not for dinner)- deer, raccoon, possum, groundhog, turkey. You name it, I can probably go out and find it on the road within 15 minutes.

crazymumma said...

a college. away from home.

gag. choke. not.ready.for.it.

Dick said...

That pwned thing looks sort of like a texting thing, u no hw its esir to nt entr al ltrs. How is the weather in Ohio?

urban-urchin said...

Maybe it was a group reenactment- performance art if you will, of the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song "Four Dead in Ohio"

Irrelephant said...

You gotta stop all that traveling, it's gonna stunt your growth! *wink*

"Pwned" was a typo originally; the "P" and "O" are right next to each other, 'owned' being gamer-speak for a crushing defeat at Halo or WoW or whatever. When the first turbogeek saw it and/or fat-fingered it on alt.binary.ubergeek, l33t speakers all over the world rejoiced. (And why the hell do I know this?)

It's sort of like lolcats only not nearly as funny.

capacious said...

Here in CT, it's squirrels all over the road. You gotta see my squirrel-skin coat. It's sharp, meno, reeeaaally sharp. You gotta git yerself one of these babies.

Lynn said...

Yippee...I knew what pwned meant:~) I must be really cool too...oh wait, not really, I guess I'm just the mother of an 11 year old who uses that word incessantly. Ohio...other than the raccoon roadkill, what is in Ohio?

sari said...

I thought they made hats out of raccoons, not steaks.

Have a safe trip and don't make any roadkill of your own, ok?

Mona Buonanotte said...

Raccoon road kill? We have deer. Massive, horned deer, like Bambi's dad, only for reals, and they total your car.

How was Ohio?

Say It said...

Poor tired momma. I bet you et racoon.

patches said...

Maybe the raccoons were subbing for the lemmings?

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Welcome Home :)

I once took out an entire family of raccoons when I came up over a rise on a country road late one night. I started bawling and stopped at a house across the road. The homeowner met me with a shovel in one hand and a gun in the other. "What'd ya hit?!" was the first thing he said to me. Ah, country living...

Ortizzle said...

I wonder about Road Kill, too. What happens to all of the poor critters?

luckyzmom said...

I lived in Ohio around 1973-74. Worked at Lazarus and The Wine Cellar. Always wondered what was in that pot they called Brunswick stew!

luckyzmom said...

Columbus, Ohio.

Lisa said...

ooo, grilled raccoon. Possibly more tasty than the squirrels we get up around these parts.

ew.

Robin said...

"bob, Today is one of those beautiful spring days that makes you almost believe that the weather in Ohio might be worth living here for."

umm, no. just....no. trust me on this.

good luck to Em in her search for the right college! i'd pick the university of hawaii myself, but to be fair i'd pick anything anywhere over anything in ohio.

loved the posts on japan, so glad you had a great time!

Biscotto said...

I went to that college.

It's a fine school.

The biggest problem is the lack of recreational things to do.

No native sports, like you'd get in Colorado or California or Maine.

No culture, because you on a small campus on the edge of a small town in the middle of Ohio.

Your choices are
1. drinking
2. eating
3. going greek and drinking and eating with people who look like you, talk like you, and think like you
4. running by cornfields
and, new since i was there,
5. internet porn and shopping.

really, it's worth worrying about. what will she do when she isn't doing her homework?