Monday, January 12, 2009

Letters

Dear United Airlines,

You are zero for two on transporting Em's bags for Christmas trip. You must be so proud.

She liked the toothbrush though,

-Em's Mom

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Dear Rain,

You can stop now. The dock is under a foot of water and i've got moss growing between my.....oh never mind.

kthxbai,

-meno moss

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Dear husband,

Do you really need to keep your textbooks from 30 years ago? I think they might be obsolete, plus you haven't unpacked them in 15 years.

I'm renting a truck to go to the dump this weekend. Be there.

-Your lively and attractive wife

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Dear cats,

For fuck's sake! How many times do i have to kick you off the bed each night before you understand you are not wanted??

You act like you have a brain the size of a walnut. Sheesh!

-She who wields the can opener

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Dear Offspring,

Ummm, you left all the wrapping for your new toys at the bottom of the stairs. When i saw it, i thought and thought about you.

I guess this helps me miss you a little less, so thanks.

Be good, and really, don't worry about your mouse, i've asked Grey Cat to take care of her in your absence.

-mommy

26 comments:

luckyzmom said...

I am hoping that the sun will come out for you tomorrow. Best I can do on such short notice. )

Indigo Virgo said...

I might take the mouse, except wasn't it a rat in a previous post? or was that just my perception? Today in the pet store they looked very cute.

Daisy said...

Evil, evil, wicked woman!

pat said...

hahaha.....very funny indeed!

The Real Mother Hen said...

In all seriousness, you should keep the textbooks, just in case another major snowstorm hits your area, cause a major blackout, no heating, and you could use the text books to keep you warm.

deb said...

Dear Meno-After you're done with the truck, can I use it? Before I move back in with my husband, there is a load moving out first.

I know how to fix the cat problem. Shut your bedroom door.

I don't miss my kids at all. Is that bad?

meno said...

luckyzmom, Tomorrow, Tomorrow! It's only a day away.

de, no, no rats, unless you count the dead ones the cats bring in. They are cute. I wonder if i could ship you a mouse that cost $2.49???

daisy, me?? Maybe a little.

pat, i can be funny when i'm peevish.

mother hen, now why didn't i think of that? Maybe we can roast marshmallows with them.

deb, of course you can use the truck. If i shut the bedroom door they sit outside and whine. I have to admit it, my cats are spoiled ALL TO HELL, and i worry that they are lonely or unhappy if they are locked away somewhere else in the house. So it's my fault.

Gordo said...

Some people just never understand the need to keep things. Just because we have boxes of assorted stuff that haven't been opened in a dozen years doesn't make them disposable. ;-)

ms chica said...

Cats never understand when your emotional need to be close changes, they only understand when theirs does. I've been under constant surveillance since I returned after a five day trip.

Enough already! I CAN wipe my own ass!

Cheesy said...

-She who wields the can opener....LOL

jen said...

you make me laugh.

Bob said...

buy Em's tickets with your AmEx card - and subscribe to their trip-delay insurance. 8 bucks per ticket (I think) and they'll pay $300.00 for a luggage delay of 6 hours or more.

furiousBall said...

wait a second, you addressed the letter to your husband and then told him to be there to get taken to the dump... are you dumping just the textbooks?

Diane Mandy said...

Oh how I've missed you. You make me laugh out loud! Enjoyed the toothbrush though--HAHAHAH

meno said...

gordo, i am a major thrower-awayer. Sometimes to my detriment, but mostly not.

ms. chica, really? You can? i don't think so.

cheesy, just reminding them who is in charge of their happiness.

jen, then i am of some use! :)

bob, really? I did use the Amex card, but i don't remember being offered that. Must pay better attention. Thanks for the tip.

furious, ha ha! I am dumping LOTS OF STUFF! A whole basememt full of it. Want some hardened bags of concrete?

diane, you've been traveling lately, so you know how it goes.

Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bob said...

sign onto your account on-line, select additional products & services - baggage protection should be listed, along with flight insurance, car rental protection, and travel delay protection.

you have to enroll in the service, and from that time forward every ticket you purchase with your card will have those services applied. The fee for the service is charged at the time the ticket is charged to your card.

our luggage delayed 24 hours. Delta only offered $50, and only after 24 hours.

Brad said...

I think the cats are wondering what your doing in THEIR bed. That's the way it works at my house.

TTQ said...

We do that shit all the time, BUT we find the closest animal and pretend that they are thoughts or them

Daddy's an asshole, what's that you said kitty? He needs to trim his nose hairs. Kitty, that is so mean! Why do you have to talk about Daddy that way. Geeze my "kids" are not shy and sometimes they sit around and curse for the hell of it.

Magpie said...

You could make a career out of this.

flutter said...

you are the best, you know?

franki said...

i love my textbooks too...and they cost a small fortune. maybe you could use them to start fires?

QT said...

This was just what I need today.

egan said...

I have some college textbooks floating around with me. I like to reread the stuff I highlighted and wonder why I denoted the text. It also makes me appear smarter than I am.

The rain has stopped. I saw the sun today.

sari said...

One of my good friends came back from a trip to Germany last week and STILL doesn't have all her bags.

One was delivered at 1:30 AM (AM!) this past Saturday and the delivery person RANG THE BELL and stood there until someone opened the door.

Their explanation regarding the time was "well, we deliver 24 hours."

My friend can't complain until she gets all her other bags, she's afraid they won't show up.

PS Pets! The lovable dopes! We have a dog here like that.

crazymumma said...

personally, if everyone did things OUR way the world would be a much better place.