Thursday, March 26, 2009

Period

I maintain that it is a universal truth that if you get any random group of women together for more than an hour or so, they will start talking about their periods, or birth control, or sex, or giving birth, or infertility or all of the above.

This is one of the things that i find charming about being a woman.

I was answering the phones at our local public radio station earlier this week, sitting at at table with 5 other women and one older man named Fred. During one slow time, i had a hot flash, and had to rip off my scarf and outer layer of clothing while fanning myself. They were looking at me oddly, as i was a bit frantic.

"Hot flash," i said in a low voice to the women, so as not to offend Fred.

And we were off....

"Have you tried Evening Primrose Oil?" asked one woman. "It worked for me."

"No, i'm taking Black Cohosh. It's not working all that well, so i'll have to look into that," i said.

"I don't get my period any more," confessed one 20 something woman. "My doctor doesn't know why."

Much concerned advice from the table.

And so on.

By the end of our shift, everyone knew the reproductive history of everyone else. (Except for Fred, who retreated into the crossword puzzle, although he would have been welcome to participate.)

So, tell me, how are your reproductive organs? :)

34 comments:

Bob said...

hanging low and to the left.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Haha Bob's comment above is so funny.

Well, mine is still healthy I think, despite unable to mass produce some real human carbon copies!

PS: I join a knitting group that meets once a week in the coffee area at Barnes and Noble, and the women in the group will talk anything from hot flush to menopause to dating to dogs to cats before I can finish drinking my coffee :) I learn more than I should just by going to that group. And I'm loving it!

PSS: Oh yes, for hot flush, try flaxseed. I don't have it yet but I can tell you that 99.99% of the women friends swear by it. I can even tell you what's the best product - the flaxseed that is sold by Costco, in a big jar, for some $9.95 or something. Good luck! :)

Cheesy said...

Mine are gone.. and I have grown cobwebs the last 3 months.. CRAP!
hopefully by this time tomorrow I can talk SEX!
hehehehhe

[I used soy for the flashes when I had them...]

Mary said...

All smushed up right now. Being almost 35 weeks pregnant will do that to you.

I'm the only woman in my immediate family who hasn't had a hysterectomy though, so I'm doing well!

In my family (3 girls) we always talk about boobs though. Mostly because we have such different ones. Mine: ginormous; older sis: small; little sis: seriously fake.

Maggie said...

I don't get my period anymore either. And for all I care, I hope it's packed its bags for good.

You are right. Though in the last five years I've rarely been in a group of women. At least not larger than me, my sil and mil. And we of course always talk about any of the above. So it works in small groups too.

This is one of the things I love most about you. The way you make me burst out laughing over reproductive organs. You, my friend are the ONLY person who could do that.

hockamama said...

thank God mine are gone, gone, gone! I had them all ripped out about 8 years ago. that was the best decision I ever made; I tell jessica that I should have done it 22 years ago. of course, she doesn't find that funny...reckon it's because she wouldn't be here?

early on, I had alot of menopausal symptoms, then they eased up. the last year or so, they've come back with a vengeance. cold showers in the morning are my best friend now. I never use the heat in the car, and I have trouble drinking more than one cup of my beloved coffee. that's the worst part. but, the whole no periods thing? the bomb dot com!

Magpie said...

They still pretend to do their thing, but I'm sure they don't work...

meno said...

bob, ha ha hah! You almost made me snort milk tea out my nose. Good to know though. :)

mother hen, bob's a funny guy. I already take flaxseed, but i've never heard it mentioned for the flashes. Which doesn't mean anything, because i don't think ANYTHING works!

cheesy, well then, off with you then.... ahem!

mary, wow, 35 weeks! Wow, i remember that time. Boobs are another good subject. I think they might count as reproductive organs!

maggie, that's the silver lining in all this, no more bleedin'. Glad i could make you laugh! Let's get together and talk body bits.

holly, Jessica doesn't find that funny? Spoilsport! That part is the bomb, but the rest can go fuck itself.

magpie, mine put out the occassional effort, but i can tell they don't really mean it.

Gordo said...

Up and down, thanks for asking.

Stucco said...

I once blogged about my vasectomy trauma... Perhaps you missed it. Not pretty.

Mrs4444 said...

Very funny, Bob :) Mine are kind of "under the radar," thankfully :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Reproductive organs?


Oh, yeah. I remember those.

I don't much like people who refer to hot flashes as power surges.

Robin said...

first, what is milk tea?

second, i don't talk about that stuff anymore because i had my uterine lining removed over a year ago and i NO LONGER HAVE PERIODS!! or hot flashes (yet).

yee haw!

meno said...

gordo, very funny dude, very funny! :D

stucco, oh no, i did not miss it. Quite the story that. I trust the nads are over that experience.

mrs. 4444, i wish mine would remove themselves off the radar completely.

hearts, no, that is not amusing to those of us who have them.

robin, firts, milk tea is a Japanese product that is milk and tea and sugar, and is sold here in the Asian supermarkets, and all over Japan in vending machines. And second, i hate you!

Anita said...

Oh...you are so right. It goes in stages though. Younger women talk about potty training and periods and the over 50 set talk about aches, pains and menopause. Oh those dang night sweats and hot flashes! Where's my wicking pajamas when I need them.

flutter said...

I have an ingrown hair. What? TMI? *slinks off*

de said...

these days, I can't decide which is worse, the PMS or the actual period. either way, I don't ever seem to catch a break at any point in the cycle. pass me a hot pad and pull down the shades on your way out, please.

jaded said...

Mine are still operational and they have been thoughtlessly ruining vacations since 1985. Bastards!

Wait they can't really be bastards can they?

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

hahah cute post, it is weird how women are so open about their reproductive and internal issues but if men had blood dripping from them they'd want to discuss it too!

I talked about periods in my post last friday. Bodily function make for good blog post.

As for your friend if she's under weight her body will not properly produce the necessary hormones thus stopping menstruation.

Scott from Oregon said...

With men its the anus and fecal matters.

I call this "the law of the anus".

I suppose for women it would be the "law of the birth canal"...

meno said...

anita, we try to tailor our reproductive talk to an age appropriate level! Wicking pajamas? I need some.

flutter, but WHERE is this hair?

de, god hates women, because then you get to go through menopause.

jaded, i see a t-shirt; "My Period" on the front and "Ruining Vacations Since 1985" on the back.

ptexan, men do discuss it when they have blood dripping from them, anywhere! This girl didn't look that skinny, but who knows?

scott, that's good to know! :) How about The Law of The Lips?

deb said...

My last remaining ovary is kicking my ass.

pat said...

Mine are fine, except... like Bob's hanging low. They don't want to stay where they belong; so I just carry em around in a little red wagon...until the day i muster up the courage (or get desperate enough) to have the dreaded "H". Enjoy being a woman:)...

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

someone should have looked at Fred and said, "The answer to 23 Across? V-A-G-I-N-A"

Cheesy said...

OMG LmFao @ Andrea!!!

Karin said...

well let's see...they took out my tubes and my son cost 15 grand to make. life.

luckyzmom said...

Just had mine looked into, literally. Have needed FRS since 91' but was only offered the overdone "H". Very few doctors cared about womens health issues at that time and even fewer doctors did FRS. I didn't and still can't see any reason to remove a perfectly healthy prolapsed uterus, whether it is reproducing or not.

There's been progress in this area since 91' and perhaps I'll be able to have my pieces parts put properly in place soon.

sari said...

Funny how that works, huh? My girlfriends and I all went out to dinner the other night for one of their b-days, we sat out on the patio (alone) and had a great time talking about ev-er-y-thing.

As it should be. ;-)

fiwa said...

Ok, I guess I've been lucky because I have NEVER had that conversation! I have girlfriends, I swear I do.

capacious said...

Oh my garshk it's been sooo long since I visited any blogs. Missed you.

I'm currently working full-time (hence the lack of blogging) as an Office Manager in a therapist's office. The waiting room last week was full of very loud women telling the most revolting and graphic tales of child birth. It was enough to turn me stomach, yegods.

Maybe I'll start blogging again.

Brad said...

Try the cream, Rosie swear's by it.

Wally & the Beav's are just fine, Thanks for asking.

caro said...

In dire need of the dreaded post winter wax job.

Irrelephant said...

Sounds like the office where I work. If it's not discussions of who was drunk the night before it's either a) husband bashing, b) cycles, overage or lack thereof or c) what's for lunch.

As much as I love women it's high time for me to get a new set of office workers. I'd KILL for just one fart joke.

Tink said...

I go to an all ladies book club. We rarely ever discuss the books. :)

I love being female.