Monday, June 22, 2009

Observations

You know what i hate? I hate it when someone sets his alarm for....say....7 am, and then doesn't get out of bed until 8:30 am almost EVERY MORNING.

Why do i hate this? Because it so happens that i am sleeping at 7 am, and the alarm wakes me up.

I wouldn't mind if that person actually GOT UP at 7 am, but when he doesn't, it makes me feel like i was awakened for no reason.

And that makes me crabby.

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I got a free book on my electronic reading device. It was a soft porn romance novel, but hey, free books are free.

In this particular novel i made it about 75 pages in before i read this line;

"She inhaled his manly aroma and her stomach began to quiver."

That's when my stomach began to quiver too. After i stopped laughing, i deleted the book.

How could anyone read a line like that without laughing? I think we should start collecting the worst lines ever written. Got any more entries?

19 comments:

Mrs4444 said...

All I can remember is "she caressed his swollen member." Can't remember the book; just that I read it when I was 12 or 13 (which is why it stuck with me, I'm guessing.)

I HATE the hour long snooze!

de said...

I have an hour-long snoozer, too. Only his alarm goes off at 5:30. And often, he wants to fool around. Yeah, because waking me up early is a big turn on.

thailandchani said...

I can't imagine how someone could read a line like that and not heave! :)



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fiwa said...

I think snooze alarms are evil. When I lived with two other girls one of them used to set her alarm for 6:30am and then SLEEP through it - it would go off for half an hour before one of us would finally scream at her to shut it the f' off!

It's been awhile since I've read a stinker of a book - but I have gone back and found some of the gothic novels I used to adore as a teenager and reread them. Oh my god... they were SO BAD. Awful.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Hahaha I couldn't stop laughing at that phase. Manly aroma? She apparently loves BO, since that's the "natural" manly aroma!

I've the exact opposite problem than you. My husband ALWAYS wakes up BEFORE the alarm goes off. Then he wakes up AGAIN when the alarm goes! :) Thank goodness I've a good sleeping gene. I can wake up, ask "WTF" and then go right back to sleep.

meno said...

mrs. 4444, ha ha ha! Good one. Usually they swell AND throb.

de, oh yeah, i feel all sexy in the morning too. ZZZzzzz

chani, it was worth it for the laugh.

fiwa, i had a roommate like that! One morning (i had the lower bunk) i just unplugged her alarm.

mother hen, i wish i had a good sleeping gene. I'm jealous.

flutter said...

manly aroma = ass stench.

or so I've heard.

nick said...

Excruciating. In England they have the Bad Sex In Fiction Award for the worst depictions of sex. Last year it went to Rachel Johnson, sister of the Mayor of London. Apparently she's fond of ludicrous animal metaphors - fingers like moths, tongues like cats licking up cream etc.

Vanessa said...

I don't have any entries for worst lines, but I can relate to the alarm thing, except its my neighbor's alarm who sleeps with the window open and she has the alarm of death that wakes me with closed windows. Wanna know what's the best? WHen she sleeps at her boyfriend's apartment for the night and doesn't turn off the alarm before she leaves, then it goes off for 90 minutes straight. Joy. Bliss. Rapture. NOT. Eff you neighbor.

/end rant

Cheesy said...

Vanessa's comment? LOL!!

My BIL does that too.. has the alarm from hell and sleeps through it. I usually wake way before him but I wish I had a fiver for every time I have pounded on his door to shut the mudder hummer off....

Gina said...

I recently went through the snooze thing with mr b. I was already getting up at 5:15, and he was setting his alarm for 4:30 and hitting snooze for 45 minutes. Which means that I was getting up at 4:30. I almost killed him.

I can't understand the point - either get up when the alarm goes off or set it for a later time. It;s not like "snoozing" gets you any real rest.

Rehabilitated Snooze Presser said...

The cat broke my snoozing habit. The little bastard positioned his furry ass between hand and the alarm clock. The equivalent of a power nap cock block. Perhaps, I can ship you the offending feline?

I'm kind of impressed they saved that little gem until page seventy-five those authors tend to shoot their wads prematurely.

colleen said...

So camp. B movie line.

I wear ear plugs. And a mask.

meno said...

flutter, well you are the expert!

nick, that sounds like great fun.

vanessa, oh man, that SUCKS!

cheesy, oh the curse of being a light sleeper.

gina, no jury would have convicted you if you did kill him.

rehab snoozer, ah, no thanks for the feline. I have my own here who loves to annoy me at night.

colleen, pretty great writing huh? I should wear all that, but why can't he just set the alarm for when he's actually going to get up????

Magpie said...

guilty - but i never let it go on for more than 20 minutes.

luckyzmom said...

I'm revealing never before told secrets here. My gripe is that he sits on the bed to put his socks on or to use his back scratcher and totally wakes me up. I specifically put a seat in the walk in closet for putting on socks and shoes, but it is always covered with his clothes. I would call it inconsiderate, but I'm sure he would come up with evidence against me.

If I could find the story I wrote with the memorable line "her eraser colored nipples", I would post it just for you.

TaraDharma said...

it must STOP! Threaten a separate bedroom! My wife's alarm is chiming cathedral bells and she sleeps through about 60 seconds of it and wakes me up all the way across the hall! (so...I guess a separate bedroom doesn't help...).

sari said...

HA!

I totally would have deleted it INSTANTLY too. Too funny.

Nancy Dancehall said...

The only line I can think of are from songs:

Do ya do ya want my face?/ I NEED it!

Every day a little sadder/ a little madder/someone get me a ladder!

martins come out of the sky/ and they STAND there...