What a waste of a day.
Oh My God, you guys, it was awful. Em and The Mister and i all came home feeling creeped-out and pissed-off. Not such a great way to end the day.
Today was the day i have been in denial about for a month or so. It was the day that we, we being my entire family, got together to do the "Family Video" that i have been dreading. It was something that my middle brother, Tim, bought at some auction or other and thought would be a cool thing to do for my parents. Something that we would all be interviewed for and would come up with happy beautiful memories of my parents to preserve forever on video.
Something we could all have a copy of and watch when we felt like it. (Which would be fucking NEVER for me, thank you very much!)
So we all gathered, dutifully, because one thing we all are is dutiful. We were told to be there at 10:30. As i suspected, there was no planning and no one had organized the event. So we waited around, all 14 of us crammed into my parent's apartment pretty much the whole damned day. I finally got "interviewed" at 3:30 pm. A whole beautiful Saturday, wasted!
Oh the pressure to some up with some happy memories, the pressure to preserve the illusion that nothing was ever wrong growing up, that we all love my mom and dad.
Yuck!
There was lots of sarcasm. You are shocked, i know. I kept saying, to anyone who would listen (who wasn't my brother or my mom or dad,) "I just can't tell you how much i've been looking forward to this. No, really, i can't!"
And the end result? Who knows, i mumbled some crappy answers when it was my turn. I mean, really, three words that describe my mother? (I said prolix, stubborn and outdoorsy. How lame is that?)
The end result is that i love my family. All of them but one. One of the two about which this video cluster fuck was about. My mother. Yeah.
That was what we all danced around. We danced around the fact that we all love each other, but we don't love one of the seeds of this family.
Later, after thinking about it for a long time, i decided not to give her that much power. The power to ruin a family that is pretty damned cool, a family of survivors of her.
So what i say? Out loud? I love 13/14ths of my family!
But i didn't say that on video.
One cool thing i got out of the day is this picture of my brother and me at ages 15 and 13, respectively. Same hair, same glasses, same clothes, same body shape. I think we are so cute!
18 comments:
A family video? Shudder. I'm glad nobody in my family ever suggested it, I would be as chronically embarrassed as you, I'm sure. And no doubt my father would be trying to dominate everything as usual.
Great pic. As you say, an uncanny resemblance in every respect!
Bah. I hope you've got it out of your system a bit now.
Love the photo. I'm wondering why I've known for so long that you were tall but had no idea about your brother.
Excellent photo. 13/14 love and 1/14 toleration, those are most excellent odds.
You got one thing out of the day. You don't have to anticipate going through it again.
13/14 is not too bad. i'd be ok if my son had brought that score home on one of his assignments this week :)
nick, i hope you never have to do such a thing either. I am coping with it now by trying not to think about it.
de, yeah, a little, but i am going to go right back to denial after this. :) Both my siblings are very tall. I am the shortest.
cookie dreamer, they really are good odds aren't they? I need to remind myself of that more often.
furious, that's a 93%! Yeah, i'd take that grade too.
I think you did brilliant. If you weren't so against making money off your entertaining and insightful blog I'd say you could make millions writing for Modern Family. Meanwhile, since you are too smart for that rat race, I will simply have to be happy that I found someone else who hates someone in their family as much as I do.
One bad appple don't spoil the whole bunch then?
Lord - I'd have a a hard time doing it. I love my mom - I really do. But most of my good memories would be more physical things - like how she helps with the kids, paid for vacation, etc and very little emotional stuff.
I mean, what do I say? Remember when you used to buy be a ton of stuff for Christmas and I'd be so happy and then I'd discover it was all a size too small because you thought I needed to lose some of that size 8 fat? That was awesome.
Yeah, that doesn't exactly work.
you can't pick your family. i agree, 13/14 is actually pretty great.
And the weather that Saturday was really awesome! Maybe you should have suggested they move the shoot to a park?
I was lucky to have great parents and almost all good memories but would it work for you to just remember toe good ones? I'd guess that the day on the beach when this picture was taken did have some good times. And there also must be others. Just be very selective about what you remember.
I always hated buying Father's Day cards for my dad. There are no "Thanks for fucking up my childhood" cards that I'm aware of.
Oh, thank God my pompous, conceited, self-righteous brother never thought of this, and now both our parents are dead. His upbringing was shockingly different from mine although we had the same parents, and worse, he insists that my recollections are all wrong because "they wouldn't do that." I told him recently that I wished I'd had his parents.
I can truly sympathize with your extreme discomfort over the artificiality of it all, the pressure to be untrue to yourself or look like the bad guy, and I'm glad it's over. Breathe.
Its been awhile...but this is still my favorite blog...rain or shine.
Just be happy that that part of your life is over and you are now in control. Easier said than done I know because sometimes some experiences we just can't seem to forget nor forgive. They are unforgivable. And so we do the best with the lemons handed. And so, go and make some rocking-ass lemonade.
Just pray you won't be subpoena again tho! LOL! :)
my Mom is rather toxic as well. on birthdays and Mother's Day the denial-fest is exhausting.
andrea, Millions? I think you exaggerate, as well as feed my ego.
lucyzmom, oh, thanks for that. Now i have that song stuck in my head.
gina, ha ha! not really funny i know. But you made me feel better. :)
cadiz12, it is, and i need to remember that more often.
dick, i know, it was gorgeous! I am not good at selective memory. It's a fault of mine.
dee, hmmmm. i think Hallmark should get right on this. I'd buy them.
hearts, makes you wonder how you came from the same family. Is he in denial?
dolores, are you are reincarnation of an older blog? And thank you. :)
rebecca, next time i'm going to fake death to get out of it. f there is a next time. I just hope we don't have to all get together and watch the damned thing.
clowncar, denial-fest! Love it that i'm not alone.
Since you asked, my brother is partly in denial, and partly has better memories legitimately because he was the overtly-favored child. And perhaps because he has his own guilt to deny. Just growing up is such an achievement sometimes, isn't it?
Oh, I could go on and on. I'm sorry. I love the picture - that is worth it, isn't it?
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