Sunday, March 27, 2011

pain/bitterness

I'm looking back over the last few months, and i am seeing the lies.

It is so incredibly painful that i can barely stand it from minute to minute.

I am leaning heavily on my friends and family, and they are coming through like champs.  Thank god for friends.

Lying to someone who trusts you is the act of a coward.  It protects you (The Mister) in the moment, and damages the person (me) who was lied to forever.

Or should i call him the soon-to-be-ex Mister.

I have no fucking idea how i'm going to live through this.

Even though i know i will, eventually.

19 comments:

Lilith said...

You will survive, even though it hurts like hell. I thought briefly, ever so briefly, of piling all of my soon to be ex husband's belongings on the driveway and setting them on fire. I didn't do it, but thinking about it was quite satisfying:)

Take care.

Mrs. Chili said...

We never know, looking into it, how we're ever going to get through awful things. Somehow, though, we always manage to come through. I'm holding you in the light and am reminding you that if there's anything - ANYTHING - that I can do, I'm here.

Marshamlow said...

I am so sorry for you pain. You don't deserve this. I hope that you will come through this on an even better path into the best chapter of your life yet.

Bob said...

You *will* make it, even though it doesn't feel like it now. As you say - you have a great support group so use it. I'm sorry I don't live closer - I'd loan you a shoulder or two, and a pair of ever-ready ears.

As it is, all I can do is send you my most positive energy.

Just remember - you only have to do this one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Take good care of yourself.

JelliDonut said...

This really, really sucks but you only have to get through today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. In the end, you lost a coward, but you don't have to lose yourself. Hang in there!

fiwa said...

I'm so sorry. Remember, I'm in your neck of the woods if you need a friend. And I am an EXCELLENT listener.

luckyzmom said...

Breathe, this too shall pass.

Cat said...

You missed the part about how it can also damage friends and family. It's a selfish, selfish act. I'm so glad Em has you, you guys will need each other. Lots of love from miles away; I'm so very sorry you have to go through this.

Come visit Colorado this summer...?

jaded said...

You are strong. You own your life. His cowardice can't that away.

Lynnea said...

oh meno, that is horrid. you deserve so much better. sending love your way

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I'm so very sorry to hear this. I hate to see gold spilled in the streets. You WILL get through this because you are very strong and beautiful, and because even those of us in your orbit who don't know you in real life love and admire you.

If there is anything at all I can do to help, please let me know.

flutter said...

Babe, hit something. Then when you are pissed off tomorrow? Hit something else.

SUEB0B said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

mischief said...

It's incredible to think we can share a life with someone so long and still not really know that person, isn't it? I'm so sorry for your hurt and that he made such a rotten choice.

mischief said...

And... I forgot to mention, I don't think that you are damaged forever by the lies he told you. He is damaged by them because they diminish his character. You are hurt by them, absolutely, but I do not believe you are hurt by them forever. You have lots of capacity for recovery. Allow yourself that hope, and give yourself that time, if you can.

Nancy Dancehall said...

Oh Meno. I am so sorry. *hugs* Lean all you want.

lu said...

...I love you. It's going to be hell for as long as it takes. Damnit. For what it is worth, I know that I would have jumped off a bridge if I hadn't had the love and support that you so have so graciously extended to me. It's time to think of you now Meno my love, you put you first...make certain you don't bear any of his burdens and losing you is the greatest of all.

I'm holding your hand meno!

Rudi said...

Holy Shit, that sucks.

I wandered over after reading Dancehall's update. I later realized that your pleasant and upbeat comment there was made in the midst of your own personal shit storm.

I hereby grant you 2 Karmic Points.

Good Luck.

Sabra said...

Ah, Pit Sister. So far, I'm nodding every time I read flutter's comments on these posts and saying the same thing to my computer screen. "Hit something" etc. I'm here anytime if you need to vent -- sometimes you need the been-there-done-that person to vent to, sometimes not.

Crap. Sending you hugs and vibes. (I'd send dark, evil things his way, but it might mess with my karma. I'll just think them and maybe the air will take it from there.)