Monday, May 02, 2011

I feel like i need to do an update, but this is such a slow process that i don't see any change.  Maybe i spent a few minutes less panicking yesterday than the day before.  But this morning started out in a panic, as does almost every morning.

I am away from home, visiting with friends from another part of the country.  It's warm here.  I like that.  Been doing a lot of walking and talking.   And some listening, as friendship involves both.  Friends are the best, by the way.

I still can't make sense of it all, and everything reminds me of him.  This sweatshirt i'm wearing we bought together at REI.  These shorts we purchased in Hawaii and we both got an identical pair.  This t-shirt i have on made him laugh.


I am reaching less often for my empty ring finger, but it's still a shock when i do.

11 comments:

Mrs. Chili said...

I'm still here, I'm still reading, I'm still thinking of you and sending you strength. You're doing fine; I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but you are. Keep breathing in and out, keep writing, keep reaching out when you need someone to listen to you.

lu said...

I am so happy that you are getting out and being with people in spite of all the trauma. Perhaps it's time for a shopping spree. Over the years of being with someone we often dress for the other...Now would be a good time to buy somethings without considering what he likes. Music, art, jewelry, hair style...anything that you didn't allow yourself to do because you had someone else to consider. Be selfish. Buy yourself a great ring for your other hand, something that is symbolic to you for your independence.

-Wouldn't it be nice if all the advice from well meaning advisers could erase all the pain.?

Hanging in there with you,
Lu

heartinsanfrancisco said...

It sounds as if you are instinctively doing what you need to do, visiting with Em and good friends (and keeping the rest of us in the loop, too.)

The more new memories you make, and the more new clothes you buy which have nothing to do with him will help to ease the pain a little bit at a time.

Sending love and good thoughts for your recovery and much happiness in the future.

Cat said...

Just wanted to say hi. I am glad you are somewhere warm with friends.

Sending love from Colorado. (Where it not so warm right now.)

jaded said...

It's hard to move forward. It doesn't matter what you tell yourself to ease the process its still an endurance test. When you love deeply, truthfully, and passionately it takes time to recover from the loss.

De said...

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Safari.
Safari who?
Safari so good..

nick said...

Panic's a horrible thing. It always seems like the panic's never going to stop. But it does eventually.

Spending time with friends is good. They'll help you to sort your head out, disentangle all the emotional mess.

mischief said...

It seems to me that it would be odd if things were already feeling normal and fine after such a huge change. I hope you won't put too much pressure on yourself to be all better immediately. Sunshine is good.

Lilith said...

Sending a hug. Go for a hike.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Update: It's frickin' warm here, now. I'm indoors with the blinds drawn. Sigh. Hope you are well. Thinking about you!

Sabra said...

Your comment about the clothes points to the real challenge -- there are so many connections. The person walks out the door, but so many things in your life remain connected to memories of that person and that relationship. The challenge is the time it takes for new connections to replace those -- such a damn slow process. But I'm glad you have friends to spend the time with and soon that shirt, those shorts, will be the ones you wore when you went on that great hike with those friends, or when you discovered that cool diner with Em. xo