The old man is snoring
Today it's raining like........it rains when it rains really really hard. I took this out my window because no way am i going out there.
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Last Sunday morning i went to pick Em up after she had spent the night with a friend. I was in a hurry, so before i left the house, i toasted my bagel and slapped some cream cheese and jam on it and ran out the door with my breakfast in my hand.
I met the other mom at a local store that was half way between our two houses. This mom is always really put together. She has waist length curly black hair that probably takes her at least 45 minutes to style every morning, and lots of expertly applied make up. Her clothes aren’t just the jeans and sweaters that i wear. Hers are all those beautiful things that either must be hand washed or dry cleaned. (If i buy clothes like this, i wear them once, and then they sit in the pile to be hand washed or dry cleaned for the next 9 months. So i don’t buy them anymore.)
When i arrived at the store i spent a few minutes chatting politely with Mrs. PutTogether. After i hopped back in the car, i glanced into the visor mirror, and yes, there it was. A booger sized blob of blackberry jam on my chin. Em wondered if i had gone crazy when i started laughing. When she saw my chin, we both had a good giggle.
But i think it was kind of mean of her not to say anything. You would have told me wouldn't you? After you finished laughing at me i mean.
30 comments:
You can make this even better if you have jam on your chin every time you encounter this woman. And, start speaking in an unintelligble southern accent. And scratch a lot. She'll have fun, you'll have fun, we'll all read it and have fun. C'mon.
Of course I would have told you. I told a stranger at the movie theatre last night that his fly was down. But he didn't zip it up.
There are couple Mrs. PutTogethers at Madeleine's preschool. I just can't even imagine. It's like a different culture, so I try not to be too critical. Just like I try not be critical of Maoris or Hondurans...
I once told a lady that she had a pen mark on her cheek and she looked embarrassed, so I eased the scene by then telling her "But, it looks great on you." It worked.
And, yes, this is a mighty rain. Talk of flood is starting to bubble up...
i would have told you. probably while laughing, but of course, dammit.
i'm with esereth...keep some jam in the car and apply prior every single time, and we can all wait and see how long it takes for her to mention it.
esereth, what a great idea! Think i'll mix it up a bit with inside out sweaters and toilet paper hanging out of my pants.
mignon, he just wanted you to see what a stand up guy he was. (sorry) I don't feel critical, i am in awe. She must have household staff to handwash all that stuff.
jeremiah, what a great way to make it seem cute. You are a genius.
Ark building, my house, later today, bring your pets and kids. Or at least two of each.
jen, i would have laughed right along with you. She did have this look on her face like she smelled a bad smell while she and i were talking. Now i know why. It must have been excruciating for her.
I would have told you. I was agreeing with Esereth up to and until the bit about the southern accent and scratching. I gotta represent for my kinfolk down here. I'll just pretend y'all's talkin' 'bout Arkinsaw or we'd've had a throw-down rite-cheer, rite-naw.
Wait...cream cheese and jam? Together?
Yuck.
I wear stains as a badge of honour. If people point them out, I say "Yes, I know".
Yeah, she should've told you. I would have, and asked if you had any more.
I never turn down an offer of food, no matter how subtle.
Jees. I hope Mignon didn't sit too close to that unzipped guy in the movie theatre. THat happened to me once and I ended up with a stranger's penis on my leg...eeewwww.
Went on a date once and was ever so charming and funny and flashed my dazzling smile. Got in the car and was so pleased with myself. Then I looked in the mirror and realized there was a freakin' huge piece of a basil leaf that I'd obviously gotten during lunch with the guy that had remained during the walk n' talk post-lunch and he never mentioned it. I called him on it later and he made up some lame bit of flattery. Lying sneak.
I totally would have told you. And then I'd have gone to your house to throw my nine month old pile of "dry clean onlies" in with yours.
I'd be dancing on the beach in the rain. A good shower should never be wasted.
And just think; if you'd gone out in it, the jam would have washed away. And you could have worn a 'hand wash only' outfit and gotten it clean for free.
Those are my best tips for looking well-put-together.
bob, well she-it and dang! But you do that so well.
lazy, oh be quiet, you've had worse things in your mouth.
de, you sound like me. I used to wander around the office where i worked in the afternoon asking if anyone had chocolate.
amusing, (Shhh, i think she liked it.) How could you ever trust that guy again after "The Basil Incident?"
jennifer, then we could dance around the pile, because that's the only action it will ever see.
nancy, it is pretty warm out. If you say it will work i will try it. Now where is that pile of stuff?
It's like a badge of honor for living your life instead of spending it handwashing clothes and making yourself up!
I would not have told you. I would have reached right out and wiped it off for you.
I can't help it. I don't even realize what I'm doing until it's too late.
One day at work one of the women was looking a little peaked and before I caught myself I had walked up and placed my hand on her forehead to see if she felt warm. Her response? "Thanks Mommy, but I don't think it's a fever".
Oh, that's funny! I like the idea of carrying some jam with you at all times. If you are going to talk with her, dab a bit on first. It will make her squirm. :)
Peace,
TG
there are a lot of those mom's around here. with the woofed hair and dc onlies. i am in awe of them because it's all i can do to take a shower. they all look at me in disbelief when they find out what I do.
i love Esereth's idea. You could add a lovely Tourette style tick down the line- maybe shouting out "WHO-DE-WHO!!!" every now and then.
If I knew you pretty well I would have told you about the jam. Unless I thought it was a natural mark.
The rain here in Skagit County is getting pretty bad, with sand bags being filled most of the night to protect certain areas, especially over in Burlington and farther up-river. I remember the floods of three years ago and the news is saying there is more water in the system now than then, so it will probably be bad tomorrow.
I SO would have told you.
We're soggy! I'm on bluff-crumbling watch. We had several slides here in the neighborhood last year, and this PNW flooding is prime landslide time.
Besides that....I'm really, really nervous for anyone around here that lives in a flood zone. I've been watching the news tonight. It looks bad.
I make it a point of gently telling people these things because its exactly what I want someone to do for me. Better to be a little embarrassed in front of one person, than many many people until you discover it yourself.
I've seen these moms you describe. Even if I tried, I could never be a Mrs. PutTogether. Its not in my genes. We laugh here because it doesn't matter what I eat, a bit of it ALWAYS lands on my shirt.
I don't know. I think I would have had a really hard time trying to tell you, and I think I might have just decided to let it go because I just have a terrible time with social situations like that.
Because I'm rigid. And social phobic.
I would totally want someone to tell me of course, but when it comes to me telling someone else, I usually forget how to speak.
Maybe that's why she didn't say anything. Maybe she's socially inadequate like me!!
Maybe she was embarrassed to say? But I would have said something "How was the blueberry jam this morning?"
lucia, i really have no interest in making myself up like that anyway. But i do marvel at people who do pull it off, in a kind of "why the hell would you bother" sort of way. Good point!
greenT, well that works too! I do that sort of thing myself. But at least i don't spit in my hand and wipe it into anyone's hair, like my mom used to do to my brothers.
thailand gal, i like that idea too. :)
urban-urchin, you are in the east right? People are a lot more made up and dressed up in the east. I notice this whenever i travel.
dick, this could not have been mistaken for a natural mark. I hope you aren't in any danger from the flooding. We've even made the national news.
DDM, Thank you! I would want to be told. You are out on the Sound right? I hope that everything stays put. It's going to be a nerve-wracking winter.
maggie, i tell people too, because that's what i would want done to me. My stuff falls in my lap, having not much of an impediment at my chest. :)
josephine, i think she actually is shy or phobic or whatever, because she was very difficult to chat with. Or maybe the jam distracted her.
sanjay, that's a cute way to handle it.
Ah, those babes never seem real to me anyway. I couldn't even fake that for 2 seconds. I'd rather be laid back and comfortable, and yes, with jam on my chin the odd time! I went to the bank and made it as far as the teller with a rller in my bangs once! I still laugh about it! I've gone out to a car like that a few times, but luckily, someone has always tipped me off! I've got tears of laughter as I type just thinking about those times! Bet the together babe hasn't as much to make her laugh!
I woulda told ya, but I wouldn't have given a shit about it. I did a reading for the earthly God (ex-editor in chief of the Atlantic Monthly) and I was wearing, like I always wear, the clothes I'd worn for the last 5 days. I didn't realize this until I reached her office. I was thinking, as was her due, about her and what I'd been reading to her. I hadn't wasted thought or time on my appearance. Of course, she didn't give a shit. She focused on my words, as was my due. And we're all due that. Being an adult or being professional has little to do with dressing like an adult or dressing like a professional. It's about what you think and what you value.
The people who snipe at my appearance are always people who are empty inside and try to distract from that with hair gel and fancy duds.
That story really made me giggle. I can't handle the being-put-together thing either. When I have to get dressed-up for a singing gig, it always takes forever. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had to do it on a daily basis. To each his own. Bagel and cream cheese and jam = heaven. I'm dripping the stuff on the keyboard at this very moment.
I would have told you, baby, because I AM you, only even less put together. And I like it that way. Think about that poor woman. Every fucking day with the hair and the makeup and the handwashing and the ironing and for what????
MOI, i know what you mean, they're like an alien from another planet.
holly, I am trying to work out the logistics of always having on clothes that are 5 days old. I am failing. "As was my due." I like that.
caro, I figure that it's a good day for clothing if i have on something that i didn't pick up from my bedroom floor that morning.
marian, that is an excellent question, for what? Come to think of it, she never does look happy. But she is stinking rich so someone else does the hand washing. But whatever, i still wouldn't want to be her.
Good point, Marian. Somedays, I do have clean clothes, but on such days, I dab a little jam on my chin to remind people of what I am: a woman so full on the inside that she doesn't need to gussy her outside.
Next time, wear peanut butter.
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