Lunch story the second
The same week i had lunch with the 11 still hungry women, i also went to lunch with another woman i know. At least this woman eats, but there was another problem.
I stopped by her house to pick her up. A minute or so after i got there she comes storming out the door and the first thing she says is, “I am so pissed at my kid right now i could strangle her.”
Um, hello?
“Oh no,” i say, “What’s wrong.”
Long angry story about lack of cat food, responsibility, whose cat is it anyway, she doesn’t have time to get cat food, etc, etc. I listen politely. I’ve been pissed at Em, i know how it goes, although she is pretty vehement.
I helpfully suggest that she call her husband Joe, and ask him to pick up cat food at the store on his way home. “Good idea,” she says and calls him from the car. His response; “Can’t you do it?” Angry words follow and she calls him an asshole and hangs up on him. While sitting in the car next to me.
The really sad, or maybe amusing thing is that she’s not even embarrassed. And i know her well enough by now to know that this is just their standard operating procedure. (For reference, when i call the Mister and ask him to get something on his way home, his response is “sure.”)
Okay, so now what do we talk about? I pick a safe subject.
“I like your glasses,” i say, “are they new?”
“They are. But Joe was mad at me for spending the money.” (They have PLENTY of money.) More reasons why Joe is an asshole are detailed for my enjoyment.
Um, next topic?
As i was driving home i thought about the Mister and how much i appreciate our relationship. A good lesson on how not to behave.
At least she paid for lunch.
25 comments:
Ain't that the truth. Over the past few years when I've seen friends' marriages break up, blended families trying to work things out,and just crummy situations and I am so thankful I met someone as great as my husband. He's been there from day one, committed as ever. He totally gets me and understands all the health issues. I am grateful every day for our smooth and caring relationship. I'd hate to have to be out there in the dating thing again...I probably wouldn't want to bother. I could never match him.
Well, the other side of the coin is that I've been that angry mother and wife embroiled in circular arguments about nothing in general and everything in specific. It's a crappy way to live, and I sort of deign to feel a shade sorry for myself for doing it for so long. Sorry because it didn't occur to me that there were alternatives. Coming out on the other side I realize that sometimes breaking up a home isn't the worst thing in the world, and that mainly, kids need happy parents--however they can get their hands on them.
I was going to say something about Mrs. Joe and menopause, but ... thunk better of it. WHAT DID YOU EAT? Do you not know I need these details? I seem to have a reading/eating disorder.
The flipside is that I know how it feels to be the angry mom and wife. And it stinks to feel angry so much of the time. I actually feel a little bit sorry for myself for not having known that there were 'alternative lifestyles' to the one I led for _____ amount of time. I see how grateful many of us would be to have a loving, positive relationship, but by the same token, there a great deal to be grateful for if you can succeed in having a peaceful life outside of said relationship. Breaking up is hard to do, but it's not the most horrible thing to do.
I'm with de aufiero, what did you and this angry person consume??
My BF is pretty happy go lucky and very rarely would we fight about him picking something up at the store, etc. Target, tho -he is not allowed to go there lest he buy the place out!
I've had those days. I've also had friends with whom I am comfortable enough to be angry in front of. I try not to keep things in prespective as to not get so pissed off, because I really am blessed with my husband and kids.
Whoa. If I called my husband an asshole he would laugh and then get very confused. We just don't do that. And hanging up? I think maybe once, in the last 13 years. You can't lose the respect part of a relationship. That's just bad news.
This reminds me of the scene in "Thelma and Louise" during which Thelma is complaining to Louise about her inattentive husband. Without so much as blinking, Louise retorts "You get what you settle for". That has been my standard for all these years when people start complaining about their spouses.
Peace,
~Chani
yeah, i'm with the others. food spillage, please.
you better have gotten cheese fries out of it.
MOI, i would never date again. I would just buy some chocolate and a vibrator.
liv, it's a hard decision to make when there are kids involved. It has been my experience that if one or the other of the two people in a relationship don't want to work together to make things better, there is something else going on. Joe and wife are two people who have a very contentious relationship, and have as long as i've known them (10 years.) My guess is that she would be shocked to know that i find it unpleasant and sad to be around because she is so used to it. I hope you are in a better place now, or getting there.
de, smart girl :) actually, she's all done with it as she is MUCH MUCH (4 years) older than me. It was a fancy place, so i started with a salad. A nice one with craisins and almonds and feta. Then a big bowl of salmon corn chowder. Yum.
liv, looks like blogger was messing with you.
qt, oh, and she had a monte cristo sandwich, with crab and jam (shudder.) The Mister isn't allowed in Fryes for the same reason.
u-u, the thing is, she is always like this. For them, it's normal. I'm not even sure they are all that unhappy together. It's weird. But it's good to see so i can come home and be grateful that i don't live in a war zone.
mignon, i am sorry to say that i have certainly hung up on the Mister, but very rarely, and not in many years. And not as a way of life. Ick.
chani, Or "You teach people how to treat you." It's all true.
jen, no cheese fries, but some excellent cream-based soup.
*Shudder* I'm certain that I've been the complainer friend a time or ten. BUT!! I've never called my husband names, nor has he called me any. We try to argue semi-respectfully and always without the name calling. But I'm sure I've subjected my girlfriends to a few vents over the years. We don't hang the phone up on one another either. I used to be a big hanger-upper, but it upsets him so much that I quit doing it. The minute I did it to him, the fight was no longer about the issue it started as, and turned into a fight about how we fight. I just don't do it any more. The one piece of advice we got upon getting married 10 years ago, that we totally ignore? The not going to bed mad thing. If we're really pissed at each other, we go to bed mad, sleep on the issue and wake up either ready for round 2 of the argument, or WAAAAY cooled off.
I have a very close friend that is going through some wicked marital woes. Every single time I talk to her, I appreciate my husband so much more. He's been getting a lot of random hugs and kisses lately. He can aggravate me like no one else, but he's a really, really good husband, best friend and father.
Here's to L.P my loving, caring, courageous, funny, pretty darn good-looking husband. It's taken me a very long time to understand that you have to want to be where you are in order to make the relationship viable. There was always a nagging little voice in my head going " But what if you are missing out on the love of your life ? " We have been together a long time and though all is not perfect; I've stopped listening to the voice. She bores the hell out of me...
I loved your moon unit post :-)
Oy at having to listen to everything. Like you and others I probably appreciate this the most in marriage.. the fact that *A* s the kindest, most giving and compassionate person that I know.
Thats what love is about for me and trying to learn from her, how I have to be as a person.
Clearly you have better online friends than physical friends. Although you might hate me if we dined together. So for that reason, I will simply stalk you forever and NEVER EVER Let you see my face.
Oh, boy. Wonder where that discontentment with life truly began. You know it had to be one moment in time where the paradigm shifted for this woman, one small push too many.
My hubby is like yours...ask him to do something...Sure! I shudder to think what knots my belly would be in if he fought me on this stuff...urgh.
It's all relative, isn't it? Sometimes, as hard as it is to see a friend's relationship like that, it's a good reminder to me of how good I do have it.
My husband would always say sure too. We talked about when some husbands refuse or question why they have to do it. Hubby told me he always says yes because he figures if I took the time to call and ask him to do it, it meant I couldn't. I love the way he thinks!
I couldn't live in a war zone like that either - grew up in one. I'm done with that...not that we don't have quiet little marital melt downs in the meat aisle of the grocery store though...ha ha.
ddm, we all complain about our spouses at times. I've done it to friends and here on this blog. But not continuously for 10 years. I'm glad you like your husband, that's sweet.
caro, it takes a while to learn that doesn't it? There is no "love of your life" just the love that you build together.
sanjay, my mom's ass is always good for a laugh! And Awwwww. So sweet. Give her a hug for me.
mamap, she's not so much of a friend as an acquaintance. And she does have many fine qualities. But damn does she like to fight. I doubt if i would hate you, you are smart and funny and real. Besides, it's too late sister! I already know what you look like. (Remember that picture you posted? HA!)
josephine, good question. She has had some major shit to deal with in her life. I just think she has no idea of her effect on those around her.
mona, it was just a knee jerk reaction for her hubby, because that's how they always react to each other. Sad.
princess, exactly! It made the Mister and i feel most appreciative of one another.
maggie, and why shouldn't he say yes? You (and i) would not ask if we were able to do it. All marriages have meltdowns, at some time. Especially with the stress of young kids and jobs and all that jazz.
It's sort of like that feeling you get when you push open a stall door in the ladies room that wasn't latched properly, and there sitting in all her glory is some woman you've never met with wool pants around her ankles, face covered with one hand and her cell phone in other...It isn't really a question of fault but the embarrassment of interrupting a perfectly ordinary, but extremely personal moment makes your drop two octaves when you apologize, leave the bathroom prematurely and spend the next two hours with your legs crossed.
Everybody needs an opportunity to vent or they will implode...But there is a time and a place for everything. My spouse and I tend to settle our differences in private...thank goodness.
WHY is it that most people treat the ones they love so badly?
I actually have to be careful of what I say about my marriage, and to whom I say it. I've been told, to my face, mind you, to "take your sunshine somewhere else." It seems that people in lousy relationships don't want to listen to the stories of those of us who aren't.
It's very, very sad.
I have such a temper! I have said awful things I don't even mean. Lucky for me, we didn't get married until I was 31, by that time I had learned how to shut up until the temper thing passes. I just go away and mumble under my breath for awhile. When my sanity returns I have a well worded conversation. I feel like my husband is so important to me, much more important than all the little issues that come up along the way. Sometimes I get my way, sometimes not, but saying horrid things, I think that lasts. I have vented to friends while in a horrid mood, probably not a great idea for the friendship, but better than venting to the hubby.
patches, what a great analogy. You have a way with words.
mrs. chili, Why indeed. I have complained about the Mister, i have. But i don't do it constantly. And i couldn't live with the level of strife i see with her and Joe.
marsha, Those horrid things do have a way of sticking around. Sadly, i have a temper too and i have said a few of those things. Thank goodness for some of my friends who have listened to me rant.
But did the cat ever get fed?? Poor kitty kitty. I'm sad.
Um, what a "lovely" lunch date...
I think you should take me next time! I tell the best jokes. ;)
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