Saturday, April 14, 2007

Welcome to the Sahara baby

I went to the doctor yesterday, for my yearly exam. Yeah, that exam. She felt me up and poked around. Everything is fine and where it should be.

However, i am 49 and getting hot flashes so.....menopause is a-coming down the track. Oh boy. The doctor mentioned a few things to be looking out for in the coming years. One thing she mentioned was Personal Dryness.

Personal Dryness???? (Wouldn't that be a good name for a band?)

I had to try really hard to look serious. I love the euphemistic nature of this affliction. It sound like something you would hear mentioned in hushed tones on a late night commercial. What other indignities lie in my future. "I can hardly wait," she said dryly.

I wonder if men of a certain age get a warning about Personal Softness?

40 comments:

gr said...

Perhaps, Meno, the potential of personal dryness is an invitation to discover new or extended WET AND WILD bedroom pursuits? Where slickness is guarenteed? And the potential for personal softenss disappears?

Princess in Galoshes said...

Heh heh. Personal Dryness. Hee!

It sure beats excessive personal wetness... Euphemism for "peed yer pants."

Toni said...

Can hardly wait to have this chat with my doctor. I love to ask many, many embarrassing questions. I have issues. many, many issues.

deb said...

Another thing to look forward to. I can hardly wait. Reminds of one of my posts, things that sound dirty at thanksgiving, but really aren't. "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" Made you smile:)

liv said...

This so speaks to me in the way that a blogger did when she mentioned the indignity of the possibility of gray hair "down there." As someone who already has spied a white eyebrow hair, I got a little freaked, threw down some cash and had the bikini area lasered in order that I might eliminate that horror. But, personal dryness? It's not like you can order up anything but lube, is there?

meno said...

gr, i like the way you think!

princess, ha ha! Nice way to put it.

toni, good luck trying to get the doctor to bat an eye. Consider it a personal challenge.

deb, i remember that post! "Why don't you try putting more gravy on it?" :)

liv, not that i know of. You can take hormones, but that has its own price.

Mother of Invention said...

Yeah, it's called the Viagara commercials!
Am right in the Desert Zone myself peppered with many hot Tropical Flashes....not fun! I toast with Soy Milk!

Anonymous said...

If I believed a God had anything to do with this, I would be so pissed off at Him/Her.

I have already experienced the wonders of men's personal softness, and believe me, it ain't fun.

Lynn said...

I guess it's time to buy stock in K-Y jelly and popsicle sticks (for any personal softness the mister might experience).

TTQ said...

I hit this at 30 or 31 after I got very ill, for awhile I took hormones to induce my friend but it had side effects and if I had managed to get pregnant it would be too risky for me to carry full term so...I'm loving it now! No monthly interuptions, no birth control.. No pms..I think I did have the hot flashes but I was so sick that it was hard to tell what was what. TMI- I know

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I love your style. You're a very funny lady.

I think that men and their doctors and the entire pharmaceutical industry conspire to keep them in denial forever about Personal Softness.

Why must doctors speak in euphemisms? Do they really think that makes things any better?

urban-urchin said...

No, they get a prescription for a little blue pill and a nudge nudge wink wink.

Ortizzle said...

I wondered, a few years back, what personal dryness was. Wondered.

Bob said...

no, we used to get a finger up the bum at about this time.

now they do a blood test.

getting old isn't any fun anymore.

jen said...

i love how they give you the really cool things to look forward to regardless of whether you are experiencing them or not.

or are you? never mind.

Joan said...

I can still remember the nurse practitioner running through the litany of things to look forward to now that I was in menopause...and "yes" Personal Dryness was among the symptoms. She, however, actually used the "V" word if I remember correctly instead of the gentler "Personal." Oh...and when she was done, instead of being happy (which I was when I walked in) about finally reaching the big "M," I ended up being depressed and miserable.

shara said...

Oh, personal softness, that cracked me up.

Dick said...

I think there are workarounds for both the male & female conditions you mentioned. The pharmacutical industry recognized an area where guys especially are willing to spend money. I guess the gals have to be concerned about some nasty side effects that can go along with hormone treatment but as someone else pointed out, KY and others have a inexpensive low tech "solution" that should work okay. Sometimes getting older isn't as much fun as it should be!

Lisa said...

AHHAHAHA!
Personal softness. Classic!

and Thank God for astroglide, eh?

sober briquette said...

Meno, meno, meno. And the rest of you innocent ladies.

I'm ten years younger than you, and, maybe thanks to having a baby later and BFing him for a year, or maybe it's just my own chemistry, I already know more than I ever wanted to about "pd."

meno said...

moi, right you are about the unbiquitous viagra ads! Right back at you with calcium and vitamin e!

anon, any supreme being has A LOT to answer for in my book. You think he/she could have come up with better designs for certain systems.

lynn, I think as we baby boomers age, any purchase in KY stock would be a wise move.

ttq, well that sucks. But i agree it will be nice to not have to deal with periods and cramps and pms. Bring it!

hearts, i really cracked up at the "personal dryness" comment. It actually took me a second to figure out what she meant.

u-u, and what a huge industry that has become!

ortizzle, oh the joys of aging. :)

bob, the indignities just keep on coming.

jen, at this point, it's just something to anticipate. :(

joan, it is depressing. So much that we took for granted as youngsters.

shara, :)

dick, yes the pharmacutical industry is hard at work making money off of us. No, parts of getting older ain't so fun.

lisa, amen!

de, ah, the voice of experience speaking. So, is astroglide the best? :)

patches said...

Astroglide and KY don't signify the end of the world, but It sucks when you have less influence over your body than you did in your youth (just ask Mr Softy). For once, our heads react much quicker than our nads.

There's always been a bottle of astroglide in the shower, in between bodywash and the shampoo, , and one in the night stand....just in case. The body isn't always considerate enough to keep up with my libido, regardless of youth.

Maggie said...

I wouldn't mind the dryness so much as long as the libido remains in tact. That will won't it?

Lucia said...

OK, confession. I've got a book sitting right here next to me called Is It Hot in Here Or is It Me? One of my good friends scared the crap outta me about menopause. Particularly, the "personal dryness." (She did not, of course, use that term.) Yep, Sahara. And I got a book from the library because I don't know how to tell when the hell this starts, even though she said, "Oh, you'll know, honey!"

Esereth said...

I love that you're 49. I wanna be like you as the time comes. You are no stereotype that I've ever encountered.

meno said...

patches, it is weird to see things about my body that i've always taken for granted changing. Guess i just need to go shopping for some Personal Wetness, just in case.

maggie, well, we're not 21 anymore, but we're not dead either. I'll let you know.

lucia, a book! Let me know if it's helpful. You will know, a hot flash is unmistakeable. They are often more intense at night. You know, when you're trying to SLEEP!

esereth, that's a nice thing to say, but i think i'm not particularily unusual. And isn't 50 the new 30? Or some such?

mrschili said...

I actually DID see an ad for a product that was designed to counter "personal dryness" not too long ago.

Oh, goody. Things to look forward to.

Joan of Arf said...

Getting older sucks. I have the feeling if "Personal Dryness" were a male affliction, there'd be a little blue pill we could take too... but it wouldn't come with the same warning "if symptoms last for more than four hours, see your doctor."

Mona Buonanotte said...

I've been seeing a lot of commercials for 'personal dryness' lotions and such lately...of course, they also imply that with said lotions, you can go all night, and really, who wants that, when you can do it for 30 minutes (3 times) and then sleep for the other 7 hours and 30 minutes?

Sanjay said...

I wonder when my doc will tell me that it's ok that it is flaccid now.
I guess I know what it will be like on that downward slope, the question is how fast will it be?

Orhan Kahn said...

It felt rude to read this post :o

meno said...

mrs.chili, one more thing to add to the list of "reasons i can't WAIT to get older!"

joan, "If symptoms last for more than 4 hours, take a shower for god's sake." :)

mona, yeah, us older people need our rest.

sanjay, that's the essential question for all of us downward heading folks "how fast will it be?"

orhan, it felt rude for the dr. to bring it up. But i'm guessing that you're young, you can ignore all this for many years.

QT said...

Very funny, my friend!

I think they want you to think it is an issue so you go out and buy a product for it. Otherwise, why not wait for you to bring it up yourself if it is an issue?

Lucia said...

Bah! Ack! I came over here to see if there was a new post, and now I've just been reminded the big MP is coming down the pike.

luckyzmom said...

I've been menopausal for close to 10 years and I still have no trouble with dryness. Night sweats though, those were tough. Like dryness some women never have any problems. And I don't think it is helpful to expect problems. Doctors are people too!

Tink said...

Personal dryness? As apposed to what? PUBLIC dryness? Yikes.

meno said...

qt, i suspect that you are right. It just gave me something to dread, and who needs that?

lucia, sorry. :)

luckyzmom, that's good to hear. I will think damp thoughts.

tink, that's what makes it so funny! What a dumb "polite" phrase.

liv said...

i'm posting again, but i just looked at the word menopause and giggled. meno-pause. okay, i'm a total bitch, but i giggled!

Lee said...

One of the many reasons I avoid the doctor. Ugh!

Lee said...

Also one of the many reasons I avoid men!