Thursday, August 30, 2007

BASTARDS!

A close up of my skin.

Something i thought would never happen to me has occurred. Something which has changed the whole way i see the world, and the way the whole world sees me. It has even changed the way i see myself. And it hurt me far more than i ever thought it would.

How did they know? Is it part of the president's domestic surveillance program? I may write to my congressperson. This is an outrage. I will not be treated in such a manner. I mean, HOW DARE THEY?

"What has happened?" you may ask, that has violated my spirit in such an egregious manner? I'll tell you what! In advance of the anniversary of my birth, upcoming more rapidly that i can deny, i received (*sob*) a membership solicitation from the
AARP.

Those bastards!

46 comments:

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Yeah, I know. It's a staggering blow.

When they welcomed me to their version of old age, I flung it into the garbage as fast as I would have scraped a dead mouse off my dinner plate.

You're still you. Really. Think of Sophia Loren and Maya Angelou. You still rock.

Cheesy said...

Cripes... I know that sinking feeling... who is telling them our ages btw?? I'll sniper that Pr**k!

My Reflecting Pool said...

Those bastards! They aged Meno! (South Park reference)

They should at least send a notice 6 months in advance to get you accustomed to the idea of a magazine of that nature showing up in your mailbox. sheesh.

Nancy Dancehall said...

Naw. You're not old until you starting hitting the buffet at 4:00.

Mrs. Chili said...

Oh, Honey! I'm sorry! The bastards!

On the up side, though, there are some great discounts to be had for the, erm, older set. You should take advantage if you can because, I mean, well... I'll shut up now...

Marsha said...

Maybe we should send the AARP out in search of terrorists, they seem to have this surveillance thing down.

WNG said...

My mom burned hers at her birthday party. You might want to try it:-)

AC said...

I received those this year too. About once a month, they arrive, giving me yet another kind of cramp. The stab to the heart kind.

Bob said...

gotcha beat. I have, more than once, received the senior citizen discount at Kroger. once is a mistake. twice or more means those damned kids at the register need glasses.

ms chica said...

Spend a day with me and my Mister and you watch him get the senior discount while they card me... WNG has the right idea...burn that sucka!

thailandchani said...

Funny! I remember getting one of those. Just think of the discounts. :)


Peace,

~Chani
http://thailandgal.blogspot.com

Lynn said...

When my DH go his "invitation to join AARP", they automatically gave me membership. I wasn't anywhere near 50 at the time...those bastards!

meno said...

hearts, it's comforting to know that you understand my pain.

cheesy, ha ha! I like your spirit. I'll help.

my pool, i love South Park! They should just leave me alone!

nancy, yes, but can i get the discount?

mrs.chili, you young people just don't get it!

marsha, i know, i feel OBSERVED in this, which should be my time of private sorrow.

wng, excellent idea!

ac, so i get to look forward to this every month. Oh! the Pain!

bob, yes, but as you age, you just get distinguished. i get OLD! Those young pups just think we're all 100.

ms. chica, oh that's galling. I hope neither of you carry a gun around. It might prove too tempting.

chani, i guess discounts will help me to accept this latest set-back. :)

lynn, someone ought to teach those oldsters some manners!

sari said...

Bastages!

Antonia said...

Tony Bennett in concert! Thrills.

Irrelephant said...

Oh darling, you know you'll always be a MILF to us. *wink* So when is your bday? I ask because I've got one creeping up fast myself.

amusing said...

Adore the discounts. Like, didja know Banana Republic and GAP have senior discounts (but you have to ask for it, because they don't want to get sued for offering it to someone who will be insulted by it).

And...I thought you were younger than me.

And, I will confess that when I think of moving, I have often driven by those "senior living communities" thinking that I might as well just move in there now, and save another move later on...and I wonder how they would take to having a 6 and 10 year old living next door!

Age just doesn't mean what it used to!

liv said...

Crikey! This is madness. My father-in-law received AARP "propaganda" at my home once and he accused us of getting them in touch with him. He would never join that "outrageous lobbying outfit." Hee!

QT said...

Wow - I had no idea about the Banana Republic and GAP discounts!!! That puts a whole new spin on things.

I'm with you tho - shouldn't it be something you have to request??

urban-urchin said...

Umm, I guess I am evil because for my mother's birthday one year I signed her up for the AARP as her 'mean joke' gift (a tradition between her and I). I thought it was freakin' hilarious- her? Not so much....

Schmoopie said...

You may be retired, but you certainly aren't old enough for the AARP! :)

meno said...

sari, i like it!

antonia, wow, that was cold! If you mention the Lawrence Welk show i will fly over there just to kick you in the arse.

irrelephant, Funny, that's what the Mister says. :) it's on the ides of September.

amusing, really????!! Maybe i could just take a little look at it. I think i am within a year of your age, one way or the other. I'm about to be 50. (gulp) But isn't 50 the new 40?

liv, they are kind of outrageous. Next we'll have Ex-lax covered by insurance.

qt, yeah! I was sort of expecting it, because of some of my OLDER friends, but it's really just any other junk mail.

u-u, yeah, you can laugh now young lady. Just you wait! And for the record, you ARE evil.

schmoopie, thank you, you can be my new best friend.

flutter said...

rat freakin bastards. Please don't use that discount to start ordering large vats of violet hair toner....

Bob said...

HEY - Tony Bennett is da man. His voice just keeps getting better and better. Isn't he @80 now? Have you heard his Duets album? Johnny Cash did his best work (IMO) in the year or two before he passed away. You could hear every experience he ever had in his voice.

Rachel said...

I got one of those around my sixteenth birthday.

Cheer up! I dont think receiving those silly things means a thing.

Jennifer said...

Surely you have a case strong enough to sue the bastards.

Then again, think of the discounts, involuntary or not!

luckyzmom said...

I really thought you were young enough to be my daughter after seeing a picture of you. AARP has always been just irritating junk mail to me and I have treated it as such. Would be nice if the Post Office had a spam key like email.

50 is so young.....

Sienna said...

Sophia Loren seriously rocks...she was in Oz not that long ago, she is an amazing person, her humor her sense of fun, how she spoke, she had everyone's attention bigtime and she is so sexy..

"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
Sophia Loren

Meno you are completely ageless (if such a word?), your sense of fun and attitude toward life is just great to be around ...the soul and spirit of so many people is just what it is born at..*it is what it is: impervious to time...*

Rock on Meno..

Pam

Dick said...

Happy 50th you youngster! You see being "old" only depends on where one looks at it from. Mine is coming up soon, too. But I no longer have birthdays. I just celebrate another anniversary of my 35th birthday.

TTQ said...

I'm "retired" and I get AARP solicitations and get carded for ciggarettes all in the same day. Can you say Multiple Personalitiy Disorder?

crazymumma said...

It's just a number darling. Not a state of mind.

I'm five years away from it myself.

meno said...

flutter, violet hair! Now that's a thought. Hmmmm.

bob, i agree with you about Johnny. I am not really familiar with Tony though. Even Em likes Johnny Cash.

rachel, if i were 16, it wouldn't matter. Actually, it doesn't matter anyway, i just think it's funny.

jennifer, a law suit! Why didn't i thinkof that. It's the American Way.

luckyzmom, yes, 50 is young, depending on where you are looking from. Funny how the older i get, the older old gets. :)

pam, wow, that was nice. Thank you. I will rock on!

dick, i'm just a baby huh? I like that idea about the anniversaries, i think i'll adopt it.

ttq, that would be confusing. No wonder it affects your mental health.

crazymumma, you still have a few good years left. It is just a number.

Lisa :-] said...

Hahahahahahaha!

Why is everybody so allergic to AARP? They are a helluva lobby...one that we boomers may well be very grateful for in the long run...

I am a proud member (of not very long standing....

Mama P said...

For someone with AARP membership, you still have very perky tits. Some old folk are gonna be pissed.

Ortizzle said...

And I hate to tell you this, but they keep sending those damn letters... this is only the beginning. Since I am in grad school, I also get letters addressed "to the parents of (yours truly)."

It's funny when this kind of stuff coincides in the mail. Like the day I got yet another offer to join AARP along with an envelope from the Army trying to recruit me. (They obviously just send those out to anyone enrolled in college, and don't check the age.) I threw away the AARP envelope, and filled out the application to join the Army. A few weeks later, the Army sent me a kind rejection letter saying that they could not consider me "due to my age." It was fun making the asshats work through the whole application, though, which of course was filled with blatant lies about my physical prowess. It kind of made up for getting the AARP thing. Kind of. *sigh*

Joan said...

Wait until you start getting the invitations from funeral homes. Then you can really scream!!! I couldn't believe the first time one arrived in the mail for Hubby...and then suddenly mine starting arriving. Yikes!!!

Lucia said...

I'm dreading the first one of those coming in the mail. It's like ticking...your time's coming.

peevish said...

I guess it's better than the alternative: being dead. But cheer up! The worst is yet to come!

platypus said...

Ouch! That's like when Sainsbury (a supermarket) sent me a pre-birthday mailer offering me a free pot of anti-wrinkle cream! Oh, and I had to click the link to actually see what it was, and I love that they have a button to increase the text size on their site... ;)

Mother of Invention said...

Don't know what it is but gather it's something to do with the perks of turning 50! Any senior's discounts at the drugstores on Tuesdays?!!

Airam said...

Bastards indeed! And I love your label ...

egan said...

I'm much younger than you and have had an AARP card since 26. You are retired aren't you?

Esereth said...

why haven't you written anything new? Don't leave me with just my own life to analyze.

Oh, The Joys said...

Big brother is getting old and he thinks you're HOT. Seriously.

Melanie said...

Shred it... Just shred it. and take a cruise on de nile! :giggles:

Happy Anniversary!

meno said...

lisa, i'm just a-funnin' about it. Don't know if i'll join or not though.

mamap, yeah, to an 80 year old, I'm pretty hot!

ortizzle, resistance is futile huh? Love the Army thing, i might try that.

joan, oh man, that is cold, funeral homes. Yikes.

lucia, and they were so prompt! You'd think they were lying in wait.

peevish, do you sentence me to hang by the neck until i cheer up?

platypus, ha ha! That's kind of a risky marketing technique.

moi, It's the American Association of Retired People. They are a powerful lobby in this country and get all kinds of things accomplished. Fear the old people!

airam, it seemed appropriate somehow.

egan, They let you join at 26? You jest! Don't you think you could have just said younger without the 'much'?

esereth, i was having a life. But now i stopped. :)

otj, yeah baby! Pretty soon i'll think he's hot too, especially without my glasses.

melanie, i am the queen of de nile!