Monday, August 13, 2007

Unburied

"Oh, Ouch!" i will blurt out as we are driving somewhere in the car.
"Where are we going?" i will ask when we are watching a movie at home.
"Man?" i will query when Em and i are walking together.

These outbursts come from inside me when i am remembering something that pains me, or i am musing about something unhappy that might happen.

"What's wrong?" Em or the Mister will ask, "Are you hurt?"

No, not physically. I try to find a way to deny what i have said, or to pretend that i was asking about something real.

It used to be that i only did this while i was alone. Now i am likely to do it in the company of others, which puzzles them and embarrasses me.

Is my filter broken?

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

I do that too. It's so embarrassing in front of my kids. I can't help it; I have a very active inside-my-head life.

liz

Maggie said...

What? This isn't normal behavior?

Filter? What's that?

Ortizzle said...

I have to learn to do that more. Most of the time, it only happens in my head.

ms chica said...

The fast forward button in my head sticks too, but I haven't reached the stage when the words escape my lips. Oh, I have an obvious filter problem, but so far the words that eek out are relevant to the events even if it isn't language befitting a lady.

Turn the conversation around on them like it never happened, or breakout into stupid song lyrics.

TTQ said...

Just watch the curse words when those start slipping out especially say... in the line at the grocery store.

Cheesy said...

Sweety~ Just claim you have turrets syndrome

Stucco said...

You've heard the Prez, right? You have nothing to explain. If anyone hassles you, and Tourette's is a stretch, tell them it's free form atonal jazz poetry.

liv said...

Baby, I just want to cry when I read this. I just want to kick the unhappiness's ass. Don't mess with my meno...

My Reflecting Pool said...

We have filters?

Sienna said...

That has gotta be a gift, a dexterity of the mindpower..functioning on different levels, we were climbing mountains the other day, the view from the summit was just incredible, the tranquility, a stillness and feeling, just can't seem to describe it...I have been in that zone for two days...coming home my guy is driving, someone had had an accident...hit a kangaroo...blood and guts everywhere...I am still on top of the mountain....he says to me: shit did you see that!

Yes and it's so beautiful...

The rest of the world hasn't caught up with it all yet Meno...our minds are the most incredible things.

Pam

lu said...

hmm, inavertant blurt-out syndrome.

Or so hear, ehm.

meno said...

liz, i have no way of knowing of my inside the head life ia more active than most, as i have only ever been inside my head. But it's good to know that i am not the only one.

maggie, i <3 you! But you knew that, right?

ortizzle, i wouldn't recommend it, it's kind of weird.

ms. chica, this did not happen to me when i was a young thing like you. I still had the thoughts, but i kept them inside. Now they burst out. I will try your tactics.

ttq, that's why i hate shopping!

cheesy, i like it!

stucco, how about "I was auditioning in my head for the lead role in 'Sunset Boulevard.'"

my pool, evidently not. :)

pam, that's quite a story. Poor roo. Our minds are incredible. Mine is better than an in-home entertainment system.

lu, IBOS, it's better than IBS.

Schmoopie said...

I burst-out a jumble of words, once, that had nothing to do with what was actually happening at the time. It was in front of my kids and they laughed at me. It was very disturbing to me. I have never told anyone else about it, but I feel so much better knowing it has happened to someone else. I know, at the time, I was trying to get the kids out of the house to school and my mind was racing at record speed.

Does it happen when you are deep in thought? Or maybe thinking of several things at once?

jen said...

ditto. i think it's ok actually. keeps things spicy.

flutter said...

HA! Maybe...

SUEB0B said...

I DO THIS TOO!! Maybe it is an age-related thingy?

Nancy Dancehall said...

You are going to be one funny old lady. ;-)

I do that all the time too. Sometimes I'm re-living a conversation, sometimes I'm working out dialogue between characters. It unnerves the boyos.

Back when I was at a high risk for stroke, I'd say one word while meaning another and have no idea I was doing it. Once O and I were looking over the garden and I said something like, "Those months need water." It was always a clue to him that I was about to get a serious migraine.

capacious said...

Obviously, you are crazy. Accept it. Embrace it.

Marsha said...

Same thing happens to me, or sometimes I will just zone out, get so absorbed with what is going on in my head that I am no longer aware of what is going on around me.

Daphne said...

I live in the moment, but it's not the present moment.

I find myself smiling and saying something in agreement like "yes" but the conversation is only in my head. Some remembered or imagined conversation.

I think it's about having a really strong imagination AND no filter.

My husband will be driving and ask if I just saw something and of course I haven't seen it because my mind was somewhere else...

What's wrong with that?

meno said...

schmoopie, it happens when i am not mentally present where i am, and my thoughts drift off to something scary or upsetting. Don't worry, you are not alone. :)

jen, spicy or spacy?

flutter, oh no, not you too??

suebob, i wonder. I used to only do it when i was alone.

nancy, i AM a funny old lady now.

capacious, good to know. And you can have the padded cell right next to mine.

marsha, that's how it works with me. I am just spacing out and ....

daphne, i like that explanation. "I live in the moment, but it's not the present moment.

urban-urchin said...

This was one of the unforeseen benefits of having kids- i could do my normal having a conversation with no one in particular and pass it off as talking to the kid....

It's normal (or at least normalish?)

Sober Briquette said...

When I behave like that, I figure it's just a preview of my future as a nutty old bag.

QT said...

I agree with stucco. I love the pics from your beach trip - I miss the Oregon coast!

Also, I had a dream last night that you and I were driving around Wisconsin in a 1940's white Packard convertible. What does THAT mean???

Tink said...

I'm a Sigher/Moaner. Hm. That didn't come out right. What I meant was that often, out of the blue, I'll let out a huge sigh or moan that doesn't pertain to the situation around me. Every once in awhile I'll snort or laugh. Sometimes I'll blurt out the last word I was thinking if I get startled. I think you're pretty normal. But not TOO normal. That would just be weird.

Irrelephant said...

Meno dear, I've realised that if you're gonna be normal you're gonna be overlooked, underappreciated and otherwise lose out. Take that difference and embrace it for all you're worth. And I particularly like the "atonal freeform Jazz" thing of Stucco's.

Bobealia... said...

My brain is mushy and I can't poo, so it's okay with me if your filter is broken.

ellie bee said...

I think my filter just has some rather large holes punched in it---and occasionally stuff just gets through...

meno said...

u-u, that only worked for me when mine was younger. Now she just looks askance at me.

de, the crazy old lady with 27 cats. That'll be me too.

qt, it means that we need to go on a road trip, to the ocean.

tink, I am a big sigher too. Like my heart is broken. Drives my family crazy.

irrelephant, that stucco is a smart man. I will embrace my weird from now on.

bo, uh oh, that sounds uncomfy.

ellie bee, the older i get, the bigger the holes.

Lynn said...

My DH has conversations with himself all the time...they often spill out of his head and we hear bits and pieces of it. You are definitely in good company.

Lisa :-] said...

I've never had a filter. I've always wondered when they are going to come throw a net over my head...

Melanie said...

we all have our ways of coping, and this seems to be mine too. I refuse to be embarrased by it. being human is not the biggest problem I have.

;-)

Joan said...

Thank God...I thought I was the only one to do this!!! It's encouraging to know others suffer from this and I haven't lost my mind completely!!

Esereth said...

All I know is that with a little artistic tuning this entry would be one hell of a cool poem.

meno said...

lynn, i just need to educate those around me that i am not so odd!

lisa, i used to be able to keep it inside, but no more. My filter is disintegrating.

melanie, that's the absolute truth. :)

joan, we will start a support group. The meetings should be very interesting.

esereth, wow. you are right. I wish i knew know to do that. And you know lots more than that.

egan said...

Filters are so overrated anyways. There's no need to censor yourself because it can only get you in trouble. I do have questions about your query phrases though.

Dick said...

Naa, no broken filter, you are just retired and perhaps getting a bit older. With maturity comes the opportunity to be a bit strange and it is overlooked by most people. Pat has a great calendar from a very wise woman named Maxine who has some great outlooks on life. Her daily wisdom never ceases to impress me. Check her out.

Mother of Invention said...

You must be a loud thinker! can't say that I do that at all, although I am by myself a lot so maybe I do!

Holly Capote said...

It sounds like you live two lives and it gets muddled when you're expected to be in two places at once: the interior and the exterior. I'd get muddled too if I were you and Em and me wanted to talk to me at the same time.