Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Traveler's Blues

I was all set to announce my appointment as Illinois' new senator, to fill the position that Obama just vacated, but some legal and technical things came up so i had to withdraw my name. Saved me a BUNCH of money though.

Anyway,

The Mister is traveling again. A few weeks ago, he went away for two weeks, really really far away. This time he's just gone for 5 days.

I've always had a tough time when he's been away. I don't sleep well. I'm anxious. (Those of you who get anxious know that anxiety is a lot less pleasant than it sounds, and it doesn't sound pleasant.)


The anxiety is because i didn't trust him to not do something stupid, and a little because i was concerned about his safety. That is shitty of me to say, but it's the truth.

Back when we had a young child, it was harder to be the one at home. (The Mister found this out when i did a little traveling for work one year.) But now it's harder to be the one away. I'm home, in my own bed, surrounded by kitties and he's off staying in weird hotel rooms with other people's ass juice on the bedspread, eating crappy food and dealing with airlines.

With his being gone this much, and with the modern communication devices we have (did you know that you can text message someone in China?) it's really no big deal anymore, and i'm getting used to being here alone. In fact, i kind of like it. And in truth, it's almost annoying how many times a day he texts, IMs or calls me.

But i'll be glad when he's home. I just feel good that it doesn't bother me anymore. I feel stronger and more independent.

I told him this. I think it made him sad, a little.

22 comments:

Penny said...

That independent feeling is good. And, it doesn't have to make someone sad if it's explained well. I don't like sleeping alone, either. I trust my mister, but I always feel a bit uneasy, just because I'm not used to it, but after I've overcome that feeling and settled in with a good book and the whole bed to myself.. it's nice to enjoy missing him a little. And to make him happier, you can tell him that you enjoyed missing him.. if you did. :)

flutter said...

it's pretty cute that he misses you as he does

Maggie said...

See, right now five days would be a huge bummer. It's so important to have someone to help relieve the daily grind with kids. But when he's gone for one day, I kinda like it now. After the kids are in bed, I have the house to myself and I can soak myself in relative quiet and watch movies or read without any interruptions.

Hubby started taking Friday nights as a night to go out and do things by himself, which I encouraged, for exactly the reason that I wanted to be alone a little myself. See how mature I'm getting?

Mrs. Chili said...

I MUCH prefer to be the one at home, and for all the reasons you state here. Still, I hate it when Mr. Chili is away. Not only do I feel like I'm on high-alert all the time (being the only grown-up in the house) but I also really, really LIKE him, so I'm lonely when he's away.

Indigo Virgo said...

It's wonderful that you're feeling more comfortable alone. Too bad he's having to do so much traveling. Is this because of the new position? No more talk of early retirement, eh?

ms chica said...

All this time I thought my Mister wanted me to join him on business trips because he missed my delightful company, but now you've gone and burst the bubble by pointing out he probably doesn't want to be the only one exposed to a strangers ass juice....great.

It shifts back and forth as to whether it is easier to leave or be left. We do get accustomed to playing one role or the other. On the rare occasions that I am the one to leave, my partner's itchy dialing finger drives me to turn off my phone.

jen said...

it's always the climb back out of the hole that is the hardest and yet the most rewarding. look at you, Meno. just look at you.

PS. it's probably more than just juice.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Hhhmmm being a loner, I don't mind either - business trips or staying home - as long as I get to spend hours alone, thinking/ reading/ doing whatever I want.

deb said...

My husband has not been sleeping well since I moved out. Like a couple of hours a night. Last night he told me he thinks the reason he doesn't sleep well is because he's in the house alone. Makes sense. I was always the one the was left at home alone.

I told him that the only reason he wants me to come back home is so that he can sleep.

The real reason I want to go back is that I know who I am now. I didn't when I lived with him. Sounds odd but I just couldn't figure it out. My time alone has helped. I'm ready.

Mignon said...

I LOVE our giant empty bed for exactly two nights, and then I let the kids fight over who gets to sleep with me. I don't think I've reached the age yet where I miss the companionship of my husband, though. With two little kids, it's all we can do to say Hi in passing. Someday.

fiwa said...

I think it's kinda fun to be alone for awhile - indulge yourself with food that you wouldn't necessarily eat with someone else around, sleep with the tv on if you want...

Text messaging is a great thing. Now I can text my husband during meetings to make fun of what's going on. You know what I figured out this morning though? I was watching the news and thinking about that storm that is supposed to come thru here Friday night - if we loose power for a week or so like we did a few years back - I'll still be able to get work email on my phone. That's a bummer! It was kinda nice to be forced into a few days of unconnectedness last time.

Enjoy your alone time.

franki said...

I can't sleep if someone's in my bed. Tha's why they gotta leave after the hanky-panky. If I ever get into a serious relationship again, I'm going to have to have separate bedrooms at the very least, separate apartments would be better.

Bob said...

sounds like the trust is back?

Laura told me before my last trip to Bahrain she enjoys a few days on her own, but a month is WAY too long.

caro said...

Hubby is away monday thru thursday
and this until September. I thought it would be hard because well we've had, ahem, trust issues...
But it's working out great for me. He too is the one having more difficulty dealing with foreign/suspect bodily fluids and lumpy mattress problem.

luckyzmom said...

Today is our thirty second anniversay and I still miss him when he's gone. Shoot, when he falls asleep in his recliner I have trouble sleeping. During our first 24years together he was in the Air Force and gone so much to so many places. I never understood the wives who would express gratitude when their husbands would leave. Then there were the wives who were way over the top and held onto their husbands leg in agony over their leaving. One close friend told me she had never told her husband that she missed him when he deployed (that's military for going on a business trip), trying to be the ultimate supportive wife. Since retiring from active duty eight years ago, we hardly sleep apart from each other (except his recliner). I think it would be a certain kind of sweetness to be anticipating his return.

Why has this post generated such lengthy comments?

Nancy Dancehall said...

Ass juice!?!?!? Jaysus Meno! Ass juice!?!?! Now I have to go scape out the inside of my head to get rid of that! Alone _my_ ass juice; you've been hangin' with Stucco haven't you? ;-)

meno said...

mignon, it's totally different with little kids. They keep you so busy you don't have time to think, much less miss someone.

fiwa, i've had vegetables for dinner the last two nights! I hope the storm talk is over rated.

franki, i think separate houses, three blocks away.

bob, i think it is. :) Yeah, a month is a long time, too long.

caro, how interesting that this is working out so well for you! Liberating.

luckyzmom, yeah, the sleeping thing takes a while to get used to each time. I guess people had a lot to say. Deployed is a lot longer than a business trip.

nancy, ooooh, sorry. I did hang out with his wife a few days ago. that was fun. Why are you so far away?

Nancy Dancehall said...

That explains it. She's worse than he is. ;-)
One day, Meno. One day...

Diane Mandy said...

WHen we were dating my husband traveled for work 80 percent of the time. One month, we only saw each other 4 days. It's amazing we got to know each other well enough to marry. With this new job he'll be gone about 35 percent of the time. And I can't help but wonder if I will be able to find some independence especially since we'll be living in a new country?

ANy way, I relate to this post.

Tink said...

They say that women are the needy ones; but I have never found that to be true. Whenever Hoop and I are appart for any great length of time, he blows up my phone with calls and texts. It's so freakin' annoying. It's not just him either. It's always been that way with every guy I've ever been with, or that my Mom has been with, or that my friend's friend's friend has been with. It's a man thing.

Daisy said...

More than three blocks away. Needs to be a whole 'nother neighborhood so that when you break up you don't have to worry about running into him.

Mrs4444 said...

Not to be mean or anything, but I love it when Mr.4444 leaves me :) heehee. I just love not having to worry about what time we eat, what we eat, or when I go to bed. That said, I love him dearly and am always glad when he comes home :) I'm glad you've grown to like your time alone, too.