Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Prime suffering years

So, a sobbing girl child after school this afternoon. "Nobody likes me, what's wrong with me?" Hard questions for me to answer. Nothing is wrong with her. There are no answers to these questions, only the reassurance that i understand, that i am sorry and that i care. And hugs.

In her science lab class, there are an uneven number of kids. Em is the one who ended up with no lab partner. The teacher has said that no one can work in a group of three. That seems a little odd when there aren't an even number of kids in the class. Someone is going to end up alone.

I am remembering being not chosen for kickball.

I always forget that the first few weeks of school bring volatile emotions and lots of unaswerable questions. This year, as she goes into being a junior, is no exception.

In the movie "Little Miss Sunshine" one character tells another that these are the prime suffering years.

Ain't that the truth?

I long for the years when the pain could be relieved with an ice pack from the freezer and some crayons.

15 comments:

Maggie said...

Yup, crayons are the universal boo boo fixer until things like science lab classes and boys with tiny dicks come along. But I'm tucking away these gems you give for myself later - they're precious.

Josephine said...

Poor thing...that's just the most aweful feeling in the whole world for a teenager. Even their brain chemistry is hard wired toward the search for belonging. I miss mine sometimes, I swear, she was so human and pretty in all of her angst!

Andrea said...

AWWWWWWWWW...I feel her pain, I too was ocne without a lab partner and knew it made me feel like crap too, thinking I had no friends

it's hard to watch our kids in these situations..even my little guy starting grade 1 the joy I felt that he had "friends" in class made me feel good, reminding me of last year when he was sad that he though he had no friends......even at 6 they learn these lessons..

ok see, now I'm all sniffling......lol

caro said...

thank you Meno, I really needed that. Reading you is a joy. Mainly because you write so well, but also because somehow it comforts me to know at some point in the day, there occurs some sort of convergence towards what is most beautiful and precarious in us strange creatures : humanity. Your Em and my Mathilde will never meet but the pain they feel between their breasts is the same. It gives me hope to know that. Because in the end we are all the same : a bunch of scared children just dying for a tender touch...

Esereth said...

Oh god that's the worse. How old is she?

With littler kids, it is often a case of current friendship tides, next week she'll be the one with two best friends.

Older kids, ug. It's the start of something big, a shift in character, a search for a place to fit in.

I'm gonna carry this with me all day. Man I hated Jr. High.

marshamlow said...

I can remember feeling that way myself and seeing my daugher feel that way. It sucks.

meno said...

yeah, high school pretty much sucks. I wish she could skip it and get her GED and go on to college, but i also know that she's not mature enough for that yet.

esereth, she's 15, and just started the 11th grade.

onetallmomma said...

It is much easier to fix the problems when they are little. You are wise. Our teens need our ears and our shoulders.

I hope that things even out for your daughter as the year progresses.

Mama P said...

11th grade and 15? That's why. She's too smart for her own good. I wish I could say something that would make it better, because that breaks my heart. But there's nothing. I was her, too, and I turned out fine with perspective. Well, some anxiety, but in general. Hang in....

marian said...

It's so hard when you can no longer fix things for your kids and you have to watch them suffer. Ugh. But yeah, 15 is young for 11th grade. I was that young also, and can totally relate to feeling as though the other kids were in a different world and had keys to a kingdom I couldn't even imagine. One year makes a huge difference at that age. Things should improve for her as the year progresses. In the meantime, lots of hugs.

styro said...

High School was the ubersuckfest for me. So was Jr High for that matter, I guess. When I lived in California, you could drop out of school and get your GED at 16, which was awesome, but then I moved in with my dad in DE, and you had to be 18 to get your GED, so there was no point to dropping out.

There is no salve for the teenage heart that seemed to soothe mine, lo' those 20 years ago, but I hope yours finds something to help. My heart goes out to her. I know it won't help, but all that hurt eventually turns into personal strength.

holly said...

Poor thing...the "best years of your life" my ass! I remember being told this pearl of wisdom by my grandmother, who grew up in a comfortable existence in the 30's, when it quite possibly DIDN'T suck to be a teenager.

Mama clipped out an Ann Landers column back in my high school years and hung it on the fridge. It dealt with an epidemic of teenage suicide in a small town, and Ann said that if people wouldn't tell their kids that these were the best years of their lives, they wouldn't feel like they had nothing left to look forward to. How are you supposed to feel when you life sucks and you're told this is the best it will ever be?

Jess and I went to see Little Miss Sunshine, and when uncle Frank told Dwayne that these were his prime suffering years, Jess looked at me and said, "Amen..."

meno said...

one tall momma, things usually do even out, so much so that every year i wonder what the hell her problem is when she starts acting all emo, and then i remember, oh yeah, school just started.

mamap, yeah she is one of the youngest in her class. I tried to prevent that from happening, because i was young too, and i don't think it was a good thing, but on her first day of kindergarten, they put her in 1st grade because she could read. Damn!

marian, hugs are my only tool, but they still seem to have some value, thank god.

styro, you know it! I know she'll be fine, but it's hard for me to watch her being sad.

holly, wasn't that a great moment in that movie? It's nice to have it acknowledged that HS sucks, unlike when i was young and my mom was telling me about all her dates and i was wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

bobealia said...

At least she talks to you right?

amusing said...

Um, she added quietly from divorceland. Late forties sucks sometimes too.... No one wants to be my friend. The kids at my school don't talk to me. The moms at the other school don't want to hang out with me. The boys don't ask me out on dates. I feel weird and unlovable. My body is in neoadolescence doing all sorts of freaky things -- wild emotional shifts, hormone swings, random bleeding, insomnia, I don't know who I am. etc. etc.

And my mom is useless. "Get over yourself."