Old Meno, New Meno, Red Meno, Blue Meno

I blatantly swiped this concept from Mother of Invention. (And isn't that a great moniker?)

Name 6 to 8 ways you’ve changed and stayed the same over the last half of your life.

Ways i have stayed the same:

1) I am still tall. :) Maybe someday i will start to shrink.

2) I still love to read, although now i am quite willing to put a book down that i don’t like and never pick it up again. It used to be a point of honor to never start a book without finishing it. Now i think that’s silly, life is too short.

3) I still believe in being reliable. If i say i will do something or be somewhere, i will. I do not believe in thinking “Yes, unless i get a better offer.”

4) I love animals. Cats, dogs, rats, snakes, bunnies, horses, etc. Not so much the insects though.

5) My emotional walls are high.

6) I am a loyal friend.

7) I am not forgiving. I wish that had changed. But if someone messes with you once, chances are good they will do it again.

Ways i have changed:

1) I know that we cannot be healed of our pain by another person. They can help, but the real work has to be done by me. Dammit!

2) I never thought I would want or have children. I was wrong.

3) I was confident that marriage was forever. Now I know that this isn’t true. That sounds bitter, but it really means that you never know what is going to happen in your life. So don’t be so smug, you are begging for a smackdown. (This means you meno.)

4) I am not the center of the universe. This one took me a while to figure out. It still hurts to say it.

5) I am really good at not taking an action personally when I can see that it is clearly not about me. For example, a woman who I used to work with never liked me. From day one. This was really her problem, not something wrong with me, since she was unpleasant to me right off the bat. Maybe I reminded her of someone else. But who knows, or really, who cares?

6) I am athletic now. Not that I am very good at it, but I just keep swimming (or walking, or whatever.)

7) I am much less likely to lose my temper, and much more likely to feel awful about it when I do.

8) I know how to apologize and mean it.

Try a little respect

Every year i round up my three cats, stuff them into boxes, and haul them, yowling and scared, off to the vets. I am also supposed to bring a stool sample. I call this "the herd and a turd."

This year they all needed three shots of some liquid worming medicine. They each got the first dose at the vets. For the next dose, i enlisted the help of the Mister to hold them down while i forced a syringe between their little gritted teeth. They did not accept this placidly. Especially our girl cat who is normally so skittish and timid. I even wrapped her in a towel but she fought like a wildcat and scratched the crap out of the Mister's arm. I think all three of them spit out more than they received.

I dreaded the next dose, but i am very obedient when it comes to Doctor's orders. So i thought i would try a different approach.

I sat down next to Betsy (the aforementioned wildcat) and explained it to her calmly. "Look Betsy, you have worms in your butt. I need you to take this medicine so you will be all better," and on like that in what i hoped was a soothing tone. I showed her the syringe and let her sniff it. And damn if she didn't just sit there and let me give her the medicine. I wasn't even holding her

The same approach worked with the boys too. I wish i had thought of this a long time ago, although i wonder if it will work next time.

I feel like the Cat Whisperer.

Wretched Excess 1 and 2

1) I rarely watch TV (Sometimes i watch the Daily Show and The Colbert Report) and I make clam dip once a year.

Tonight i am going to wallow unabashedly in both these things. I will take my clam dip and potato chips, get my jammies on and sit in front of the TV to watch the Oscars. This year Em will be joining me. You should join us too. Come on, it'll be fun. Even the Mister will participate. I make great clam dip.

Last year was cursed; there i was with my bowl of dip and eagerly awaiting the glitz feeding frenzy to come. Our cable chose that moment to go out. So there i was, all dressed down, with my bowl of pure artery clogging happiness and no where to go. Sadness. I felt like i had been stood up for a date. I hope this year is not a repeat

To me the best part of watching the Oscars is reading the recaps the next day. I'm excited.

2) Yesterday the Mister and i went to a fancy pants linen place and bought two sets of outrageously expensive sheets. No, i am not going to tell you how much. I slept naked last night.

Cookie box

The word for the day is cookie, courtesy of Mona's daughter. So here is the memory that cookie dredged up from the vast cavernous regions of my brain.

When i was 6, i decided to run away from home because i was sad. I don’t remember the specific incidents that led up to my momentous decision, but i’m sure life was just intolerable. When i told my mother about my plans her reply was, “Go ahead.”

I made extensive plans - such as filling up an empty toothpaste tube box with vanilla wafers, because they fit just so into the box, and wrapping the box in a bandana. And because this is how one runs away, I spent some time looking for a stick to tie my bandana to but got bored with that and left carrying my bandana.

I marched indignantly as far as the tree house across the street, climbed up inside, ate all my cookies and fell asleep. I was going to live there forever. Or until dinner time as it turned out.

Stupid Meno tricks

A long time ago, clearly in a galaxy far far away....

The scene: I am sitting in some crappy house, with crappy people i don't know, except for my roommate from college. They are some of her skanky high school friends. We are smoking dope and listening to loud music.

Cultural reference: It used to be a point of honor to never change the water in your bong. So it became increasingly loathsome, brown and crudy. If you were really cool, you used beer.

Action: It is my turn with the bong. As i inhale i accidently drop my gum down into the bong. Ooops. If i had know these people i might have laughed and confessed. So, trying to get my gum back before anyone notices, i tip the bong up, so the gum will come back to me. Good thinking, no?

What happened next: All the gross, hideous, slimy bong water spills all over my face and clothes. Everone looks at me, wondering why in the hell i tried to drink the bong water.

Conclusion: Why do you think they call it dope?

I was cool when i was 18.

How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead? *

As previously mentioned in Sunday's exciting installment of Meno's life, my parents came and took the Mister and i out to lunch. The occasion is that today is the Mister and my 25th wedding anniversary. (I got married when i was 6, do the math.)

Saturday night i was thinking about the lunch, and thinking that i really should try and grow up a little and forgive my mom. She is trying hard to be nice and thoughtful (now that i am all growed up), and really, how long should i hold this grudge?

They brought us the dishes, as i said, and a card and four bottles of wine from Silver Lake Winery. You know because 25 years = silver. The fact that they get a discount at Silver Lake because they own some shares has nothing to do with it.

So after we all get into the car to head off for lunch my mom pipes up with this (Go for a disbelieving tone here.), "Can you believe you two have been married for 25 years?"

The Mister and i glanced over at one another. Several answers came to me:
1.) Dear God it feels like 50!
2.) What, did you lose a bet?
3.) It's just not to be believed, is it!
4.) I've been meaning to tell you that we're getting divorced mom, we just wanted the wine.

See how i am?

There were a few moments of silence as neither of us knew quite what to say.

Then she proceeded to order my dad around and be generally unpleasant to him all during lunch.

This derailed my great forgiveness plan until further notice.

*from Long Ride Home by Patty Griffin.

The Bestowing of Stuff

My parents came over this afternoon to take the Mister and i out for lunch.

It becomes more and more difficult to go anywhere with them. There is always much confusion and fuss getting out the door, getting into the car, getting the seatbelts on, getting out of the car, walking to the restaurant, getting in the door, and etc. The Mister and I are trying to be helpful, which just confuses the situation further. I am exhausted.

My parents (and i have to stop for a minute here and say how much i appreciate that they are doing this instead of waiting until it is done to them) have selected a retirement home and are in the process of preparing for the move. The retirement home should be ready in about a year (it's being built). My mother has been talking about and preparing for this for about a year already. Everytime i am at their house she asks me if i want this set of dishes or that soup tureen or the chinese vase they got many years ago in the Phillipines.

I am not a person who values stuff very much, even if those are the dishes i grew up with.

So my parents arrive today with four large boxes filled with dishes from one of her many sets. "You said you wouldn't mind having these," she told me.

"I did?" i replied, "why, thank you." I'll have to be more careful in the future. She went on to further explain to me how only a few of the dishes have very many chips and that they have lasted a long time and when i have large dinner parties (me? HA!) they will come in handy.

Looks like Em has a set of dishes for her first house. I'll put the boxes in the basement next to the soup tureen.

Good thing we have a big basement.

Fascists!

I was forced, forced into switching to the new blogger tonight. Doesn't blogger know that no means no?

It's not that there's really anything wrong with it, but i hate being told what to do, even if it's what i wanted to do anyway.

So far it looks like all is well, i changed the colors myself, in mourning honor of the occasion. Have you ever read their user agreement? I did, as a stalling tactic (like a pouting 6 year old) tonight. Yeesh, what a bunch of legalistic babble.

They are not responsible for anything, even my fucking offensive swearing.

I know this post is unworthy of me, and especially of you, but Meno is in a snit.

*stamps large feet*

Letting go

I was/am a Navy brat. So every three or four years we moved. The first couple of moves i was too young to care, but after that it became more difficult. When i was seven, we moved from San Diego to Virginia.

For the entire five years we lived in Virginia, i blamed all my problems on the move. People in Virginia weren't friendly. There were gnats and crickets in the summer and cold and ice in the winter. How could anyone live in this place and be happy? I longed for California. I spent summers there with my cousins and it was so great.

I was disabused of that notion when i was 12 and moved from Virginia to Seattle. I started to blame all my problems on Seattle. And then i went "But wait! All my problems are because of Virginia."

Sometimes someone will ask me if i think that moving around like we did was a good thing or a bad thing. The answer is yes.

I think it taught me how hard it is to move somewhere where you know absolutely no one. How utterly lonely it is to start the first day of school alone, (especially in the 8th grade, that sucked.)

Whatever, whine whine. The lasting effect i think it had on me is that it's easy for me to let people go when they or i move away. I already know the cycle of letter writing and phone calls and how those will diminish over time and the memory of that person and what they once were to me fades. So i skip those steps and give up right away.

I am not proud of this. I think it's a defect.

I wish i still knew someone that i went to high school, or even college with. I guess you could count the Mister because i met him in college. He and i have moved together 3 or 4 times too. San Jose, Seattle, Colorado, back to Seattle.

We do have one friend that we still know and love from when we were in San Jose.

Hmmm, i just had another thought (stand back, i might explode).... Most of the people that i have made friends with in a new place were friendships of convenience. So maybe i just didn't like most of them enough to make the long distance part work.

And what does that say about me?

I love lunch

Those of you with young children think they cramp your "style" with regard to sex. HA!

Little children go to bed at a reasonable hour (well some nights). They don't stay up later than you do and then come wandering over to your room at 10:30 at night looking for fingernail clippers, or some kleenex, or whatever the hell they just have to have at that hour.

They don't usually knock on your CLOSED door. And if they do, they don't have full knowledge of why it took you five minutes to answer the door.

We've had to resort to lunch dates.

She goes to college in a year and a half. I think we'll celebrate in the living room, and the dining room, and the sunroom, and.....

I love my child, you know i do. But, um, teenagers are so damn smart that it's a bit inhibiting, you know?

You love me? Prove it.

I was watching the Grammy Awards last night with the Mister, although i missed the end as it's past my bedtime, and the ads for Valentine's Day were relentless.

Most of these ads are aimed at getting men to buy shit for women. I was feeling the Mister becoming uncomfortable beside me. Is he expected to get me a diamond? Or chocolate?

I'd be pissed if he bought me diamonds, although chocolate...... never mind. I resent these ads. If Valentine's Day isn't a hyped up way to get us consumers to spend money, then i am a short Asian man. It's as offensive as the Christmas ads.

I need a Bah! Humbug! expression for VD.

I am sorry that the Mister feels pressured. I don't want him to buy me a present because Ben Bridge or Sees says he must. Fuck that. That's what i told him. He washed my car, filled it up with gas and bought me the new Patty Griffin album this weekend while i wallowed at home with a head cold.

That's true love. No diamonds necessary.

Positive Baby

Someone i know recently told a group of us that she was expecting her first baby. Here are some of the responses from the group:

"Wow, that's the end of your life as you know it!" (Ha ha)
"Better catch up on your sleep now." (Ha ha)
"Congratulations. Was this a surprise?" (asked in all seriousness)
"Oh, and your life was so peaceful!" (Ha ha)
"God, i hope for your sake it's not twins." (Ha ha)
"Don't you know what causes that?" (Ha ha)

I know that folks are just trying to be funny, but how about a little positive reaction? One of the bloggers that i read has just announced he's pregnant. Well, his wife is, but other than the nausea and the vomiting and the stretch marks and the weight gain and the tearing of flesh it's just the same, Right?

I would like to suggest some alternative remarks to those above when informed about a pregnancy:

"Congratulations. You are going to have so much fun!"
"How exciting."
"I'm so happy for you."
"That is wonderful news."

I'm not saying that having children isn't difficult, at times. But look how great it is too. I remember when Em was about four months old, i wanted to have three more because she was so much fun and so cute. Things didn't work out that way, for various reasons, but i was serious at the time.

So Congratulations, you are going to have so much fun with your baby.

I want to be alone?

I am feeling a bit crappy tonight and as a consequence i just want to be left alone. Of course, i am not smart enough mean enough to say this to the Mister when he comes in the door bellowing hello.

So, logically, i am mean to him. To try and make him go away. Because that is so much nicer than just telling him to please go away and leave me alone. Right?

He rarely wants to be alone (extrovert) and for me it's a common occurrence (introvert). So he wouldn't understand. Or so goes my logic.

After i realized what i really wanted, i had to apologize and tell him. So he is downstairs, leaving me alone, as i requested.

I wonder when he'll be back.

Them's Fightin' Words

Em and i had a fight today.

Here's the genisis of it:

Em gets into the car when i am picking her up from school, "Hi Mommy!"
Meno: Hi sweetie, how was your day?
Em: Okay.
Meno: I was thinking that since you want to start learning to drive soon that you should start paying attention when you are in the car, to see what to do.
Em: (shrilly) You've already told me that a hundred times!
Me: Oh. (It is true that this is the third time i've mentioned this, but when she is in the car with me she is usually either reading or text messaging.)

silence.................

Em: (whining) Now you are mad at me.
Meno: No, i am not particularly angry, but i don't like being spoken to like that.
Em: (shrilly whining) I hate it when you are mad at me!
Meno: I am not mad.
Em: Don't you hate it when i am mad at you?
Meno: No, not really.
Em: (whiningly shrill) Why not?
Meno: Because i know you love me and that you'll get over it.
Em: But what if you are mad at me forever?

And so on. We both arrived home exhausted after the 20 minutes car ride.

Those of you with teenagers on the approaching horizon, get used to this. Those of you with teenagers on the vanishing horizons, i hate you. Those of you with teenagers right here right now, i feel you.

Bott's Dots

I have a Bott's Dot:

I don't know why, but sometimes odd things amuse me. We have these in the road around here because it doesn't snow much. We use them to drive by the braille method.

Recently it did snow and we were all completely flummoxed by 3 inches of the white stuff. So snow plows were used and many of Bott's Dots were pried up off the road by these plows. Oopsie! The Mister heard me talking about them and surmised that i desired one, so we pulled over on a side road that had an after-the-snow Bott's Dot graveyard and picked through them until we found this lovely specimen.

It makes a lousy coaster.

But it is fun to hold in my hand and i like having it. I bet that someone clever with found art would find something wonderful to do with it. They could also use all the rusty hardware from beach detritus that i also can't seem to throw away.
Anyone need some cool nuts and bolts and nails? You can't have my Bott's Dot though.

Colour

You paint a thousand different pictures
with a thousand different brushes.
Each one will be the best
You tell me as you stroke.

And who am i to disbelieve?
Then the colours start to run.
I am running with them,
running with the truth

No picture is ever finished.
No brush is ever cleaned.
The colours all congeal.
The colour of dead dreams.


The Friday word was colour, from Mona. This week that word brought an unexpected response from me.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

A leftover picture that i was unable to post yesterday.
Today's big philosophical question: So we can't skip real stones anymore, we have to buy a bit o' plastic with which to skip? What marketing genius came up with this? I would think that kids prefer rocks. (For reference, this......thing.....is about 2.5 inches across.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One of my favorite things is to receive a present for no reason. I don't much care about Valentine's Day or Christmas or my birthday. But bring me a present for no other reason than that you saw something that you thought i would like, and i am over the moon.

I try to keep this in mind for other people too, so that i am not just walking around expecting to be showered with random gifts. Which is good, because i seldom am.

I bought my brother a T-shirt a few months ago that had a Shakespeare quote on it that i knew he would like. "And Thus I Clothe My Naked Villany" (from one of the Richards, i think III.) I bought one for myself too. My mother buys things and saves them for the next suitable gift giving occasion, but i always pass stuff on right away, because that's what i think is fun.

Yesterday i brought home a book that i thought the Mister would like. He was genuinely touched. That was fun.

So, when is the last time you surprised someone or were surprised with a present? What was it?