Thursday, February 08, 2007

I want to be alone?

I am feeling a bit crappy tonight and as a consequence i just want to be left alone. Of course, i am not smart enough mean enough to say this to the Mister when he comes in the door bellowing hello.

So, logically, i am mean to him. To try and make him go away. Because that is so much nicer than just telling him to please go away and leave me alone. Right?

He rarely wants to be alone (extrovert) and for me it's a common occurrence (introvert). So he wouldn't understand. Or so goes my logic.

After i realized what i really wanted, i had to apologize and tell him. So he is downstairs, leaving me alone, as i requested.

I wonder when he'll be back.

32 comments:

QT said...

This totally describes me too. I just want to stew in my own thoughts tonight.

urban-urchin said...

Well done on the apology. I am trying to get better about that.

I haven't had alone time in seven years. That sounds REALLY good.

SUEB0B said...

Ah, yes, the push-pull of introversion. I know it well.

Lynn said...

WOW! So I am not the only woman who sometimes acts mean toward my hubby, because I need some alone time, and I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that! Whew!!! (I really thought that I was the only one). Fortunately my hubby is far more easy-going and forgiving than I am. (If he acted this way toward me, I'd be pissed off for a long time.) Instead, when I apologize, he acts all nice and understanding...and I am left feeling dare I say it...slightly guilty!(sigh)...I hate when that happens!

liv said...

wow, now I just feel jealous that there's no mister to yell at to leave me alone. poo.

Marsha said...

I hope you feel better soon. I am always mean to hubby when upset about something, he is always asking me, why are you screaming at me?

mrschili said...

One of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics has Calvin, in the first frame, yelling something like "I'm in a ROTTEN mood, so everyone just BACK OFF!!!" Then, we see him standing alone for two whole frames. The last panel has him sniffing and wondering why no one understands his cries for attention.

I know just how you feel...

caro said...

And to think some people just don't understand that need ( I vaaant to pe alooone...) Many just can't stand their own company. Or are simply afraid. Or thrive on other people's vibes. I totally relate to the being-mean-to-push-the-point-across... Man, the guilt thereafter.

patches said...

Reading sooo many of your posts is like looking in the mirror...Mister Hombre is finally out of town for six days (he's usually MIA 15-20 days a month for work) Missus Chica is catching up for some much needed down time (he'd been home for @ 45 days).

I am impressed about how effective that apology thing is. Who would have guessed you can apologize and still get what you want er I mean need?

Sanjay said...

Well done with the apology. Did he come back? :)

meno said...

qt, i felt much better about stewing after i realized what i really wanted and apologized for being a bitch. Now leave me alone!

u-u, thanks, sometimes i am smart enough, after a while, to ask myself why i am behaving like that. Seven years is an eternity.

susbob, go away/come here. Why are we so weird?

lynn, we've been together long enough to not take personal offense too often, although it still happens.

liv, there's good and bad in all situations i suppose.

marsha, i have had to learn (through sometimes painful experience) to tell the Mister when i am upset and that i do NOT want to talk about it yet.

mrs.chili, ah, the world as explained by Calvin and Hobbes. That guy was a genius.

caro, yeah, when i pull a real number i can feel guilty for weeks. Ugh!

patches, wow, that's a lot of gone time. Once you get used to that it must have been difficult to have him there for so long.

sanjay, yes he did, after a little time. :)

Bob said...

my wife needs more time alone than I do. She gets off of work before I do and sometimes she takes off to do stuff and I won't see her until 6-7 PM. I feel weird in the house by myself (unless I'm sick, then I WANT to be in bed alone.)

Sometimes I wonder if I suffocate my wife.

maybe not suffocate. just cause to be short of breath. or crowed. or something. bad analogy. time to stop.

Nancy Dancehall said...

Maybe what you really wanted was parallel play? Sort of, 'be in the same room with me, but do your own thing while I do mine'?

Joan said...

You might want to use the "red flag" technique that my husband and I developed. All I need to say is "red flag" and my hubby goes running to the farthest place in our house and remains there until I say "all clear." It's been a real marriage saver!

egan said...

Do you want to borrow my MINI and crank up the tunes? Perhaps I can pick you up and we can tour the city feeling all refreshed and stuff.

Maggie said...

Ok, I thought I was some kind of weird bitch for feeling this way. And hubby must be an extrovert because he just doesn't understand when I want 'down time'. But then I never see myself as an introvert, thus not recognizing the validity of my needs...of course. So I react like you, then I can't stand myself and when I'm alone with myself like I wanted I react again like you - I hurt him, I wonder when he will come back...

Ah the glories of emotion and needs.

Tink said...

Hoop's fine with me acting like a bitch because I need time alone. It's when I TELL him I need time alone that HE starts acting like an ass. Go figure.

jen said...

ah, yes. we do the same thing, in reverse. repeat.

he'll be back. we always wander back.

Bobealia... said...

Ahahahahahahhaha.
I relate to this.
I bet you wrote this and then went downstairs to be with him.

meno said...

bob, hmm, hard to say. Ever asked her if she feels suffocated?

nancy, that would be okay, but the Mister has a hard time doing that, he wants to talk.

joan, that sounds like a good idea. We should come up with a code word too.

egan, sounds like a plan. Do you ever feel like just getting in the car and driving? Like South or East, or wherever. Not do much to get away from the family, just the rest of life, and the predictability.

maggie, well, you may be a weird bitch, but you have lots of company.

tink, sometimes the Mister acts like that too, he is unable to leave me alone if he thinks something's wrong. See previous post -1 about Em and i fighting. Same thing.

jen, huh, so it works the other way at your house. You'd think as adults that we could find a better way to express our needs. Wrong!

bo, i've been thinking about this and i think some of my problem has to do with the transition that occurs when the Mister gets home. I'm upstairs all cozy and reading a book or whatever, and he comes home and BANG! it's time to interact with him. But i was so happy all alone with my book. And yes, i did go down a few minutes later just to sit with him.

egan said...

I mainly like to drive east about 10 minutes and search for bloggers. It's a hobby of mine.

Mignon said...

I've got little kids, so like Caro said, "I want to pee alone."

Ortizzle said...

"Alone" time is awkward sometimes. But necessary.

alphawoman said...

I am married to an extrovert also! We usually have work schedules that allows me time to myself, such as when he is working the 2-10 shift or the shift that requires him to be there on Saturdays. I go nuts when he is always here! I don't know how people do it. Then again, I am a closet introvert (hahahah)!

Jennifer said...

Why are we like this? I do the same thing, taking the long and awkward way around to a point when straightforward would have been sufficient. It's rather silly in its obviousness, and yet, I can't seem to quit.

I get in my car and drive as respite from the world on a VERY regular basis. I highly recommend it for its restorative powers.

shara said...

I figure it's far better to be alone when I need to than being only partially there, and resenting every noise/gesture/glance and getting, in the end, so bent out of shape, so contorted in my need to inhabit some space (physical, mental, all kinds) by myself that I end up snapping at the smallest things. And my husband's a man who hugs at the wrong times, hovers, waits to be noticed, which makes me crazy, I'd rather he came bustling in, said whatever it is he wants to say, and went bustling out. But it's like he nibbles around the corners of my attention, making me go into smaller and smaller spaces to keep myself to myself, and then, what with all the noise (visual, auditory, whatever) pressed into one small area, it's too dense, and just has to come bursting out in a oh for god's sake will you just leave me alone? And he, oblivious to all the very (to me) obvious signs I've been giving out, not to mention the past discussions of this whole subject, despite all this, he's genuinely surprised, and hurt, and does this whole wounded husband routine, dragging his male ego like a wing, and I feel awful and then we avoid each other's eyes for a while and I get myself settled and then we talk a bit, and things are good and then in a few days, guess what? Oh, for the love of all that's holy, will you PLEASE leave me alone....??? (sigh.)

But other than that, and the whole opening the junk mail and leaving it on the counter, like it's going to grow magical LEGS and walk away on its own, we get along all right.

platypus said...

I hope you feel better after your alone time. I am exactly the same way - sometimes I feel my head will burst if I have to spend any more time with people and the only solution is to take myself off somewhere and just be by myself.

amusing said...

Feeling crappy? Lordie -- Hope I didn't give you my strep at Nancy's party! (Were you drinking out of my glass? That was MY mojito!)

Oh, hey, to that Jennifer person who drives to feel better? Um. Can I ask that you use your bike instead? Global warming and all that.... Just want my six year old to grow up thinking he might see sixty.

meno said...

egan, stalker!

mignon, yeah, i remember those days. Trying to shut the door lomg enough to change tampons was a challenge!

ortizzle, awkward for the Mister, no so much for me, unless you meant arranging for it, which can be awkward.

alphawoman, be proud, come out of that closet! T-shirts that say "Introvert. Nice to meet you now please go away" are included in all memberships.

jennifer, For me it's because i don't want to actually say, "please go away" I want him to figure it our from my body language. How stupid is that? Driving doesn't do it for me, although sometimes i will drive to the local mall and sit in my car in the parking lot and read.

shara, that was brilliant. I mean that. You have described it to a T. And the common perception is that women crave attention. HA!

platypus, i do. I sometimes tell Em and the Mister that i need a time out.

amusing, no strep, but one hell of a mojito hangover! :) Your mojito looked so good that i might have taken a sip, sorry.

AC said...

sometimes getting what we want makes us question what we want. What a poser, taking up the alone time when you could be daydreaming about Jack Bauer.

sari said...

It's hard being a solitary being in a family, but sometimes everyone needs time alone. Why do we feel guilty for wanting it?

Hope you've patched it up. I haven't read all the other comments yet, sorry. I'm feeling crappy myself tonight!

Mother of Invention said...

I'm a bit of both, but I rarely want to be left alone, at least by my husband. I sometimes don't feel like seeing a lot of people where I have to try and be up when I'm not, or just lacking energy, but I always like to be around my cats and husband! (Ok, well, sometimes cats give me more attention!)

(I tried so many times to get this on early today!! Blogger is having PMS!)