Thursday, September 27, 2007

What not to do, a VB story

A true story:

Years ago, when the Mister and i were first married and my SIL (aka Vituperative Bitch) was on her first husband (Poor Bastard, number 1 of 4) she and PB invited us over for dinner on a Sunday.

We arrived, as is only proper, a few minutes late only to find that VB was working that day and had not arrived home yet. PB made us at home and we unscrewed the top from the bottle of wine we had brought.

VB arrived home an hour later, drunk, wearing her boss’ sweater with no bra on underneath. (Boss was later to become husband number 2 of 4.)

She lasted about an hour, and then went off to bed with one of her headaches.

AWKWARD!

Next time i saw her was at her parent’s house a few weeks later, where she met me at the front door to ask me if i was going to say anything to her parents about “The Other Night.” I said no, but looking back, i should have made her sweat more.


I have many other VB stories that are not dissimilar to this one. I should write a book, but no one would believe it.

34 comments:

Lynn said...

Does the Mister agree that SIL is a VB? You have too good of a heart to stoop down to her level.

Joan of Arf said...

Do tell more!

ms chica said...

my life is just bizarre enough, I would believe you.

Sanity is a cozy lie — Susan Sontag

ms chica said...

Oh, I'm eating a freshly baked cookie and I thought you should know....

TTQ said...

oopsie, she forgot you were coming. I almost had a SIL like that, I didn't marry into that particular family thank God. Divine intervention

thailandchani said...

Geez... what a sleazy person! Can you imagine... ? :)



Peace,

~Chani
http://thailandgal.blogspot.com

Bob said...

I dunno, I think it is within the world of credulity. lemme git a beer and you can start the next one.

SUEB0B said...

Wow. That IS a story.

Princess in Galoshes said...

What a slimey monkey.

People may not believe a book, but we will certainly believe your blog!!! More stories, please.

:-)

meno said...

lynn, the Mister has not spoken to his sister since 1994. I think that answers your question.

joan, are you back? More will be forthcoming.

ms.chica, nice quote. I mean it really is apt. Family. They are so odd. About the cookie; YOU BITCH!

ttq, she did not forget. She had dinner mostly pre-prepared, she just didn't care.

bob, oh i have lots more. There was the time when she had to send her boyfriend home so that her lover could come over on the night he left his wife. We were there for that too.

suebob, yes, it is.

urban-urchin said...

wow. that's kind of amazing. Poor Bastard indeed.

Stucco said...

I love those awkward moments. It sort of opens things up for me to "poke the near with the stick" metaphorically. Plus, people like VB are their own worst enemy (with apologies to PB's 1-4).

And I want cookies too- thanks a lot Mrs. C.

Mrs. Chili said...

Meno, *I* would believe you. I could tell similar stories about my biological mother....

Kelly said...

Wow...she has some serious eggs! Or she really that oblivious to the people around her?

AC said...

Oh, I'd believe alright. I have one too, a VB/SIL, except add a crack habit. Long gone from here now, Thank God.

WNG said...

If we promise to believe you will you tell us more???

Sober Briquette said...

What a train wreck. Glad she's out of your lives.

sari said...

Oh, I don't know. I think you should write the book.

Marsha said...

I think you should write us the story here. I love that she was worried about you telling her parents, but didn't seem worried about her husband.

meno said...

princess, yes, she was slimey. Probably still is. More stories will ensue.

u-u, kind of amazing? I was totally floored. PB was a sweet guy too.

stucco, you are right about her. At that time she was merely a VB in training, later, she became a master.

mrs. chili, i bet you could. Some people are just unbelievable.

kelly, not oblivious, just really concerned about getting what she wanted.

ac, oooh, stories, batter than mine i bet.

wng, yes i will, even if you don't. :)

de, a train wreck is an apt description. I don't miss her.

sari, it might become a best seller. And i'd be rich!

marsha, her poor husband loved her very much and was quite willing to be blind.

Melanie said...

not only stories, pictures! that is a story to be told.

Tink said...

Ok, now I have to hear more...

jen said...

now THAT is a piece of work.

crazymumma said...

Oh please we need more.

And no point disclosing her, you would have been seen as a tattle tale by her parents.

Awkward indeed!

liv said...

If I weren't being silenced by a court order, I'd happily write the story of my exhusband's nut job family. I believe you because I've lived it.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Well, now you really must tell us more. Of course we'll believe you. We all have or have known outlaws, I mean INlaws like that.

C'mon, spill.

Franki said...

I think some people are here on earth just to entertain the rest of us.

Please.

Do go on!

Maggie said...

Is she particularly good-looking? What is it about her that has so many men willing to play the part of a PB?

I wonder where she will end in life - alone? Or making some man or men miserable to the end?

Waiting for more...

meno said...

melanie, i do have some old pictures of her, but wouldn't feel comfortable publishing them. Too bad.

tink, more to follow....

jen, brass tits on that one.

crazymumma, it hadn't even occurred to me to "tell" on her. It just amused me that she was afraid i would.

liv, damn lawyers! someday? maybe?

hearts, i will. it's too odd not to tell.

franki, entertain and torment.

maggie, she's kind of cute. Maybe she can suck the chrome off a trailor hitch, but i wouldn't know. :) I probably won't know where she ends up. After the Mister's mother dies, i think we will have no points of contact anymore.

Bobealia... said...

These things happen all around us and we think soap operas are made of fiction...

Ortizzle said...

Write up a treatment for a TV series. I bet more people would believe it than you think.

amusing said...

So, are Fridays now designated as VB-Days? It appears there's an audience for it!

capacious said...

Holy frijoles! If you write the book, I will read it.

Susanne said...

You know, it's not important if it's true or not as long as it is a good story and could be true. I'd like more of them too.