Friday, October 12, 2007

What not to do, VB story the second

This is a true story, in a land far away and a time long ago:

(Here's
part 1, if you care to get caught up, but it's not necessary in order to gasp in horror over this story.)

So SIL, aka, Vituperative Bitch (VB) invited the Mister and i over for dinner. She was living in her new apartment after dumping husband number 1, with all new furniture that her father had bought for her.

She was waiting for her boss, her future second ex-husband, to leave his wife, so she had taken up with Ray, her tennis instructor, in the meantime, to fill the gaping hole, so to speak. Ray had also been invited to dinner that night.


The Mister and i arrived ahead of Ray. I remember watching VB pour too much olive oil over the salad as she told us that Boss was planning to leave his wife that night, then come over to her apartment afterwards. If Boss did end up doing the dumping deed, she was going to have to find a way to get Ray to leave, because Ray had the expectation of staying the night.

The Mister and i immediately offered to leave and re-schedule for a better night, as we understood that Boss might not want us there.

"Oh, no," she answered, "he really wants to meet you. Besides, if he (Boss) doesn't do it, then Ray will still be here."

We should have insisted. I poured a glass of wine.

So Ray arrived, dinner was eaten, conversation happened. He seemed like a nice guy, although not overly endowed with brains. We moved to the living room where Ray took off his shoes and wristwatch, and poured himself another glass of wine in anticipation of a red hot game of trivial pursuit.

The phone rang.

VB disappeared into her bedroom with the phone.

**Insert stilted conversation between the Mister, Ray and myself here.**

VB reappeared and dragged Ray into the bedroom. He came out after about ten minutes ( i can't even imagine what story she told him) and slowly put on his watch and shoes. His face was all flushed, i suspect because he was mortified. I know i was. And so he left.

VB came back out of the bedroom whereupon the Mister and i repeated our offer to leave. VB insisted that we stay as she really wanted us to meet the love of her life.

I poured another glass of wine. Boss arrived about thirty minutes later. I poured another glass of wine.

**Insert VERY stilted conversation between the Mister. Boss, VB and myself here.**

I poured another glass of wine.

Truly an evening to remember.

39 comments:

Sober Briquette said...

His face was flushed because there was only one way to convince him he had to leave - give him what he was hoping for and hope no further explanation was required.

I hope the wine was decent anyway.

amusing said...

Sober Briquette -- my thoughts exactly.

So, was the wine good?

Hanni said...

oh.my.god.

this story hits a little too close to home for me. i doubt i'll read part ii. i'm sorry you had to suffer through this but atleast you got a story.

luckyzmom said...

This is an amazing story!! and since you say Part one, I am assuming it gets even better?

flutter said...

oh dear...

meno said...

de, i like the way you think. I wish i could believe that he was able to get at least some satisfaction from the evening.

amusing, given our finances at the time, i doubt it. But it did have alcohol in in, that's all i needed that night.

hanni, you did read part ii, you just missed part i. And that's okay, it's more unbelievably bad behavior on VB's part. Nice to hear from you.

luckyzmom, this is part two, but yes, there are more. This only gets us up to husband number 2, the beginning.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I was going to say exactly what Sober Briquette did. They had a quickie while you and the Mister waited in the living room. Only Ray had the grace to be embarrassed, though.

Your SIL sounds like a real piece of work. How very fortunate for you.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I think the earlier episode was in September. I remember it.

What is causing this sudden run on Vituperative Bitch stories? Has she resurfaced in your lives? I hope not. She is best seen in the rear view mirror.

crazymumma said...

...leaving us hanging.


Poor freaking Ray.

jen said...

that chick is whacked.

Bob said...

gawd. what a piece of work. I feel sorry for ray, and for you too for having to endure that evening.

meno said...

flutter, I KNOW! Just too bizarre.

hearts, she is a piece of work. We haven't seen/heard from her in 14 years. And that's ok.
I just remembered the other story one night, and decided to tell. But there are a few that are just too fraking weird, so i have to tell them too.

crazymumma, not too much more, then we didn't have any more contact, thank goodness.

jen, TOTALLY. Just inbelievable, at leaat to me. And it's all true.

bob, I am older now, and i would have just said, see you later, or never.

ms chica said...

At least there was almost enough wine to endure the evening.

You've reminded me how lucky I am to have four decent SILs.

Maggie said...

She sounds a little like the voracious dinosaur of a barfly I waxed poetic about. I remember the beginning of this too. I was waiting for more, knew it would be 'juicy' in a sick and twisted way. It was.

Ortizzle said...

Dude. Your SIL needs her own TV show. A modern day soap opera, of course. It could be called... "Schiz-o Ditz-o" ???

thailandchani said...

Inbelievable!


Peace,

~Ch

Biscotto said...

Am I the only one who feels sorry for the SIL?

You can't like her if you believe that love is simple and pure and that people are either mean or nice. And you can't like her if you think she might be intelligent.

But what is she guilty of, really, besides sleeping around and being an insensitive hostess?

And honestly, if one is going to be a miserable fucked up person, isn't it better to be a miserable fucked up person who frequently gets laid?

If it were my story, I'd write an ending that has her living in Taos now, where she does yoga every day and she cleans her own toilets once a week and where she is visited once a while by a pilot who adores her but isn't around enough to get in the way of her life's work, which is, um, let me think, xeriscape gardening and running an alcohol abuse counseling program for the state.

TTQ said...

Just out of curiosity, what kind of Christmas present do you buy a woman like that?

And talk about shitting where you eat..work, home, the tennis club. I can only imagine the rest of the years after this, and maybe before.

Oh and I bet she was popular in High School *wink*

Joan said...

With all that wine, I'm surprised you remembered any of the uncomfortable evening. And now I can't wait for the next episode of "As the Wine Pours."

Lynn said...

There would not be enough wine in the world to get me through that evening.

Lynn said...

Putting up the the VB, has definitely earned you an award. So I've given you one;~)

meno said...

ms. chica, the Mister's family, sadly, are all....no longer in our lives. As sad as i find that, it's necessary.

maggie, yes, i too noted that similarity. And it continues...

ortizzle, ha ha ha ha. I love that!

chani, yep. But it's true.

biscotto, at the time of this event, i felt some sympathy for her. I don't care how many people she slept with. But the lying bothered me. Since that time other things have happened. I no longer harbor any sympathy at all for her.

ttq, condoms? KY? Vitamin E? Astro-glide? Qwell?

joan, i like that title. :)

lynn, there wasn't.

Mrs. Chili said...

Horrifying. I'd have left - that's way too much drama for me; I bet there wasn't enough wine....

Nancy Dancehall said...

*blink*

*blink*

Yeah, but I'd still trade mine for yours. (Until you reveal more about her, I'm sure.)

Snoskred said...

Hey, it's Snoskred back again.

A few months ago I added you to my "new blogs I am test driving" sidebar. I am dropping back to let you know I love your blog and I'm adding you to my permanent blogroll now.

I've moved to Wordpress and the site looks a lot different, so drop by to check it out when you have a chance!

I feel sorry for Ray.. he probably had no idea what was going on until she dragged him in there to explain it. I hope he found him a good woman somewhere.. ;)

Cheers,
Snoskred
www.snoskred.org

My Reflecting Pool said...

I can't imagine why this woman isn't still in your life. Who needs tv drama when you have a VB.

deb said...

She sounds like a piece of work.

Anonymous said...

I agree with jen - what a whack job! I just can't imagine why you two needed to meet him THAT NIGHT...

qt

Princess in Galoshes said...

She makes for some fascinating stories, at the very least...

But it's hard to imagine that lifestyle ever taking her anywhere that leaves her happy.

Schmoopie said...

Awkward! Has VB been on the Jerry Springer show? Some people are very strange.

Hope Ray enjoyed his quickie!

liv said...

gaping hole, indeed.

WNG said...

Ummmm. Wow. Uh. OK. WOW. If I could be more eloquent I would, of course. But I think you understand why I'm stumped. I just can't imagine... Wow...

Franki said...

Wow, woulda taken more than wine to deal with that. I feel bad for everyone involved.

meno said...

mrs.chili, you are smarter than i was back then. We so should have left.

nancy, un-fucking-believable huh? You'd trade mine for yours because i haven't seen/heard from mine in almost 15 years. YAY!

snoskred, thank you, that's very nice of you. :) I felt so sorry for Ray, he was utterly humiliated.

my pool, ha ha! It's true.

deb, that's a mild way to describe her.

qt, looking back, i just can't even believe it either. Whack job indeed.

princess, yes, the stories are interesting. I don't know if she's happy with husband #4 or not. I doubt it, it doesn't seem like it's in her nature.

schmoopie, i wish i could believe that Ray got a quickie. He just didn't look that happy.

liv, you noticed that. :)

wng, it boogles the brain, that's for sure.

franki, yeah, but i was fresh out of heroin.

Tink said...

I had a girlfriend pull the same crap one time. Only, I was there alone and without a date. So instead of sending the first dude packing, she tried to con both of us that she'd invited him for me. Yeah... Neither of us bought it and we made sure to tell the second dude what a bitch she was before we left.

Mother of Invention said...

What class! Don't think I know of a story like that to top this one...well, not including movoes! Has she ever tried acting?

peevish said...

I almost wish I knew her, just for the stories. But then I'd actually have to live through the awkwardness, as you did. One thing I don't understand. Didn't the divorce from her first husband sever the familial relationship, and therefore any social obligation you might have to her?

I also wonder: who raised this person?

Susanne said...

I instantly thought the same as Sober...

You are right, you should have left.

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