Thursday, November 08, 2007

Disasters

In my dream last night:

  • airplane crash
  • missing cat
  • broken glass
  • bleeding arms
  • abandonment
  • food spilled all over, twice
  • crying
  • dead baby birds

I woke up at 4 am feeling heavy and sad. I moved over closer to The Mister so i could reach out and touch him. In my sleepy state, i wondered why i keep having these dreams the past few weeks.

Then i remembered that it was during this time of year that the worst thing that has ever happened to me began. In the cosmic scheme of things, it's not all that bad, but it was a disaster for me.

This happens every year, and every year i get to figure out what is happening all over again. I wonder why i do this to myself. Something about it must work for me, but i sure as hell don't know what.

38 comments:

deb said...

I hate dreams like that. I often dream of being in an elevator that won't go where I want it to go. Not hard to figure that one out.

Take care.

thailandchani said...

It is obviously something that wants your attention. Something still has a lesson for you. If you're still having the dreams, you're not finished with it. Go with it and see where it leads. :)

Sober Briquette said...

I hope you get some good rest. I couldn't last night, either, and ended up sleeping with the light on, which is weird because I usually have to have it utterly, completely dark.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Meno- check out the dream dictionary at www.dreammoods.com, it's the best one I've found.

I'm sorry, I have those kinds of dreams, too. I doubt "something about it must work for" you, rather, it sounds like your subconscious is still trying to deal with it.

Dunno. But I hope you have happier dreams, tonight!

Mignon said...

When my dreams get too real and disturbing I either try to sleep less or drink a lot of beer before bed. Two healthy options for you!

Do you have a friend to talk it out with?

Mignon said...

When my dreams get too real and disturbing I either try to sleep less or drink a lot of beer before bed. Two healthy options for you!

Do you have a friend to talk it out with?

Scott from Oregon said...

One of the physiological things that happen when it gets cold is a change in liver and kidney function.

I'm gonna bet your nocturnal agitation has more to do with physiology than a yearly tir-in to a past trauma.

My dreams get more instense this time of year, as well. And I like to sleep in a warm bed, more...

Andrea said...

You're the 4th person today who's mentioned having bad dreams this week. If I include myself, it's 5. Hmmm.

meno said...

deb, damned elevators, they never behave.

chani, but i don't WANT to go with it. Wah wah wah. :)

de, wonder if it's anything to do with the time change. Seems like a common theme right now.

princess, thank you for that. I will check it out.

mignon, i tried the wine medicine last night. That didn't work. You think beer will? I don't have a friend to talk with because it involves the Mister too, and i don't want to bitch about him to someone who he considers to be a friend. I don't think it's fair to either.

scott, Really? I much prefer that explanation. I'm going to e-mail you to get more info.

andrea, i think Scott might be on to something.

jen said...

it's still trying to work it's way out, huh? i am sorry, sister.

perhaps a ritual - writing the badness on some paper and burning it? smudging the room?

My Reflecting Pool said...

I have horrible nightmares almost everynight. I stopped trying to figure out why a long time ago. Some nights I need to reach out for Poor Bill, others I can readjust myself so the dream changes. It might be nice to only have them seasonally. Maybe a little benedryl will help yours go away?

WNG said...

I'm having dreams lately about different people from my hometown physically attacking me for apparently no reason. They are very violent and pretty hazy when I wake up. I'm trying to figure them out (I'm going home next thursday and i was really excited about it until this started happening). If I have any insights I'll let you know. Until then be glad the mister is there to hold on to:)

Bob said...

I can't remember my dreams, good nor bad.

Times like that there's nothing like having your love beside you for that reassuring touch.

been REALLY missing that.

QT said...

When I have bad dreams, they are so vivid that when I wake up, it takes awhile for me to realize that they didn't happen.

Here's to the dreams stopping - and a deep, peaceful night of sleep.

Melanie said...

HUGS

I have strangely telling dreams. Have you posted about the worst thing? I must have missed it.

I hope you find some peace quickly.

luckyzmom said...

Eat a small potato, with peel, without protein (butter,sour cream,cheese etc.) before going to bed. Bake, boil or fry it.

TTQ said...

In addition to Scott's change in the kidney and liver function, it could be that you have situational SAD. Seasonal Anxiety Disorder, Lots of people are gearing up for the Holiday Depressathons too. Add to the hype of being festive, mingling with families and the shopping trips..you see where I'm going with this?

You will get over it, you said you get this every year. Maybe a trip to a Therapist and a visit to the Shrink and you can make this the last year you feel this way.

I believe in trying any type of help available to me. Even if it sometimes seems hokey..

TTQ said...

In addition to Scott's change in the kidney and liver function, it could be that you have situational SAD. Seasonal Anxiety Disorder, Lots of people are gearing up for the Holiday Depressathons too. Add to the hype of being festive, mingling with families and the shopping trips..you see where I'm going with this?

You will get over it, you said you get this every year. Maybe a trip to a Therapist and a visit to the Shrink and you can make this the last year you feel this way.

I believe in trying any type of help available to me. Even if it sometimes seems hokey..

Maggie said...

I like Scott. He's got cool info. But if it turns out the whole annual thing is the problem, well, here for you and sending some virtual arm wrap hugs - you decide which way the boobs aim, I'll follow suit.

pat said...

They all seem to represent loss somehow...sounds sad though. Hope you have happier dreams soon!

crazymumma said...

Our body has a strange way of holding memory. Like metal that springs back to its original position after being flexed.

Sounds like something is trying to find a way out.

liv said...

Ack...these stored experiences. Although I must say that I'm ready for the nightmares to reside in my sleep instead on in my waking moments. I'm so tired.

amusing said...

And I dreamt about squirrels last night. No big surprise there. Especially since when, in real life, the roofer arrived to.... oh, I just can't even talk about it...

I'm here for you, with the benefit of being nowhere near, and I know whereof you speak. If you feel a vent, a whine, a question, a need to blurt coming on -- I'm only an email away.
xoxo

ms chica said...

C'mon do we really have to validate our disasters by relating them to the larger scheme? What's the fun in justifying? Feel what you feel.

Change of season, full moons, the pull of the tide, or personal history flashbacks, there all valid scenarios. If you need to vent, you know how to reach me. Sometimes it's nice to be heard.

Of course there's a lot to be said about Migon's suggestion about drinking beer, drink enough and you'll wake every two hours to take a leak, it makes a lot harder to dream, much less sleep.

TTQ said...

http://dreamcrowd.com/add_dream1

flutter said...

It's a bitch when even sleep messes with you. ((you))

Mama P said...

If you can figure it out, let us know. I'm sorry you're going through this. But man, we are all so lucky to have you share it so eloquently with us. We all learn so much from you. Thank you.

Lynn said...

You must be exhausted!

Marsha said...

I always wonder what triggers my nightmares. I don't usually have enough insight to figure it all out. Hope you get a good night sleep soon. I am glad that this year wont be a bad one.

peevish said...

I'm sorry about what you are going through. I don't understand why our brains have to rehash things that are over with.

I never had serious nightmares until I had kids. Now I have plenty. It sucks.

AC said...

For so long I wasn't sleeping at all. I've started taking some soy isoflavones and that is helping but now I'm dreaming oddly too! Last night I dreamed my neighbor was helping me find a bad smell in my house...he was going around with a long stick, poking it into cabinets and corners and sniffing. Weird.

Seasonal Affective Disorder...I think that nails me. Its weird too because the fall and winter have my favorite holidays but I get blue amidst the anticipation. What on earth is wrong with me!

I hope you get good rest soon, at night and in your heart and mind.

Nancy Dancehall said...

I know. Write it out. It helps. These things want to see the light, sometimes more than once. *hug* My time's in the spring.

capacious said...

Listen to me.

Tonight you will dream about gamboling puppies, flowers, warm blankets and sunshine.

So it is written, so it shall be done.

Joan said...

During nights like this, it's nice to have a comforting body next to you to hang on to.

As my mom always told us..."And this too shall pass." Hopefully, for you it will pass quickly.

Tink said...

Hoop and I have been having nightmares lately too. It's gotten so bad that I took a sleeping pill last night so I wouldn't dream at all. They say nightmares are just your mind's way of playing out your fears. So people tend to have bad dreams when they're stressed and have more to fear. Maybe try doing something relaxing before you go to bed?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Something about the incident is unfinished and needs to be addressed. Your subconscious is still trying to resolve it.

I dream about babies nearly every night, but have no idea what it means.

Angry Lab Rat said...

Damn, Meno! That's one hell of a night.

lu said...

Betrayals linger, and much as we fight against it, much as we try to rise above and tork perspective, it leaves a pretty nasty wound that doesn't heal.
I don't know that it's a choice to revisit.

You're dream makes me think of that empty nest that looms ahead, the whole reaching out for that rock that really hasn't been so solid, and fighting vunerability.
I think about reconciliation every day, throughout the day. I make the decision to let go, forgive and move forward and re-open that door more than once each day. I think it would be best for the boys, I think it would be best for me, for him... then I walk up to the door and the ghosts get all up in my business and I'm undone again. Forgiveness, and trust are hard to muster.