Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I need some cheese to go with this whine.

I wrote the following a few days ago. Thank god i hit save instead of publish.

But now i am going to publish it anyway because it made me laugh at myself and to understand where my daughter might have gotten her propensity for drama. I mean "living death???" That might be overstating it just a bit. :)

************

Hot flashes.

You have no idea how unpleasant they are, unless you do know.

Every day, 15 times a day, a reminder that you are OLD. That things in your body are not where they were for the last 30 years. That you are done. That you are HOT, and sweaty, and ugly, and old.

In the middle of the night. 2:15. 3:45. 4:20. 4:50. 5:25. Cats on your hip. Hot. Sweaty. Shit. 5:45. 6:10. 6:25. 6:55.

Sleep.

Alarm.

Another day of living death awaits.

29 comments:

TTQ said...

better living through pharmacuticals..

furiousBall said...

i hear vodka cures that

jen said...

that ending was money. i picture you, a sweaty ball of misery, shoulders caving in from the sobs.

and somehow it's funny. but it's not.

Maggie said...

as long as you don't start eating people's brains...

The Real Mother Hen said...

Ah! You know, someone once told me that it's "scientifically" proven that Asian women generally don't suffer from hot flashes. I don't know if that's true, but hey, I always can teach you to swear like an Asian, maybe that will help?!

patches said...

So the are hot flashes other than the kind that accompany excessive consumption...I did not know that. Excuse me while I find a human to smother.

floribunda said...

ttq is right... prozac may be your best friend!

Joan said...

Care to borrow my "Red Warning Flag?" It's been 13 years and I still feel like a stripper waiting to happen every day.

meno said...

ttq, you are so right!

furious, god knows i've tried.

jen, as is life, funny, but not.

maggie, i swear i would if it helped.

mother hen, i officially hate you, and all asian women.

patches, line up the humans now, you will need them.

floribunda, don't think i wouldn't. I a heartbeat, if it would help.

joan, good idea. Maybe colored coded t-shirts. Like the terrorist warning level.

QT said...

Champagne. Cool, bubbly sips straight from the fridge at 3:45 am.

I bet that would help. At least until 4:50.

thailandchani said...

Oh, I do know! Yes, they're miserable~! Especially during the summer. Ugh!


~*

flutter said...

black cohosh and a rub from your cold handed friend, flutter.

cures what ails ya.

hockamama said...

ugh! the worst part is when people look at you like you're crazy for driving with your window cracked in the winter. imagine if there was some way to harness all the excess heat that we put off and use it for good instead of evil....that makes me think of women in hamster wheels...never mind. I just want to know how long this junk lasts? it's been 5 years since my hysterectomy and I'm as hot now as I was then (literally, definitely not figuratively!)

I feel for you, and you have my permission to whine about it

Mona Buonanotte said...

The best thing about hot flashes is when they happen while you're standing in the grocery store checkout line and you really need those sausages and that stack of toilet paper, so you stand there fanning yourself and blowing air down your cleavage and hoping the checkout person hurries the h3ll up so you can go outside and strip down to your undies in the car.

I feel for ya, babe. *hugs*

Diane Mandy said...

I once had to take a drug that induced menopause for a short time. The hot flashes were AWFUL! So, I do feel your pain.

PS. I read that soy and cardio 3-4 times a week reduces the severity of them. Not sure if this is true or not.

tt said...

I'm so with ya on this one!!
Well, I was untill I got my little pills.!! I tried the black cohosh stuff and it worked for a few months then quit! WTF?? I became a totaly beast and couldn't even stand myself...seriously. Couldn't sleep, beyond cranky, eating everyone around me out of house and home..scaring the puppies...awful!! No breast cancer risk in my family so the kind and saintly Dr. put me on Premerin. I'm human now and my family has taken off their armor.
It's a good thing.
Good luck babe....

Brad said...

I'm sorry - going through that sounds like a big ol pile of suckage.

meno said...

qt, i suppose i could sleep with a bottle, to cool me off.

chani, and the fall, and spring....

flutter, i tried the black cohosh. I gave up after 4 months.

holly, 5 years? I'm going to shoot myself.

mona, thanks! I like it when i'm at a restaurant and i start stuffing ice cubes down my shirt.

diane, i do quite a bit of cardio, so maybe it would be even worse...

tt, i knew you'd understand! I have a family history, so they won't let me do that. :(

brad, thanks, you MAN you!

Sober Briquette said...

who knew that wine had to go through all that as it aged? I must go open a bottle of cab and let it breathe, the poor baby.

luckyzmom said...

I mostly had night sweats where I would be soaked several times a night from head to foot, including the surrounding bed linens, and just occassionally in the day. I was able to medicate though, which helped some. I whined a lot about it, but eventually it went away and I moved on to other crap like ...... Oh, you don't want to know;(

Jennifer said...

Good gawd. I can't hardly wait. Living death sounds positively charming.

Irrelephant said...

Power surges perhaps? Have you check your breaker box?

Scott from Oregon said...

I used to have hot flashes. I stopped farting near smokers and it stopped...

Eve said...

I think the Real Mother Hen is onto something and you need to become Asian as soon as possible.

Franki said...

oh boy, does that sound like fun.

poor meno. sometimes whining is necessary.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

They truly suck. Despite the fact that I have been getting them occasionally for quite a few years, I seem to be in denial because every single time, I ask myself, "Could this be a Hot Flash?"

Duh.

It's just another way Nature screws with women.

meno said...

de, that's a brilliant idea! I think i will too.

luckyzmom, no, please don't tell me. I need to get through this crap first.

jennifer, aren't i just the drama queen with that phrase?

irrelephant, i usually ask The Mister to check my box. He doesn't seem to mind.

scott, are you related to furiousball?

eve, i have decided that's what i will do. Won't my parents be surprised?

franki, as mentioned by mother hen above, i am now going to convert to Asian. Got any tips for me?

hearts, cling to your denial as hard as you can. It worked for me for a long time.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Ahhh...I know ALL about it.

Someone told me last week that they can last for ten years. I damn near choked her.

That cannot happen.

Here's wishing you cool weather!

capacious said...

I hear you, Sister. How many times have I told the men/boys in my house that I am sweaty? I am so f-ing sweaty, it's amazing, check out how sweaty I am, can you believe how sweaty a woman can be, and how bad a woman who just took a shower an hour ago can smell? Hm? I am sweaty. Wow, sweaty. How much can one woman sweat? Did you ever look at that word? What a weird word.