Saturday, October 11, 2008

NaDruPoNi

Sometimes we do things that don't make us happy. Things we do that make other people happy. Things we do that only make them happy, but do not make us happy. Things that stress us out and make us feel gross. Things that make us feel like we don't matter. Things that follow the patterns that were set out decades ago. Things we can do nothing to change. But things we should probably do because we are a bigger person than the people that do not make us happy. At least we can feel like we are bigger people, but are we?

Enough with the generalities. I did a good thing tonight. But it did not make me feel good. It made other people feel good, but not me.

Patterns. Old patterns. Patterns that will never change, until the people with the patterns are dead.

Do you get it? Do you do these things? If you do, good for you. Good for me. Because tonight, someone is happy, but that someone is not me.

31 comments:

H.E.Eigler said...

I hardly ever do these things - I'm pretty selfish like that. Guess you're better than me...happy now?

flutter said...

damn.

Sally Forth said...

I get it. I don't know what it makes us, maybe kind?

Marshamlow said...

I wonder if now wouldn't be a good time to do something very kind and indulgent just for you.

I have spent the last two day pouting because I feel like my dear husband is being a pain. He is sick and miserable at work. I have been giving and giving and I am getting pretty sick of not getting anything in return. So I starting acting like a brat. Aren't I a grown up?

Sober Briquette said...

That particular something I do as little as possible because it makes me feel the same way you do. But I do it for that reason.

Still...blech.

patches said...

Yeah....I know this one. I'm mentally preparing to do it next week.

In the past, I've told myself that by doing these things, I earn the right to ask the same of others, that they do something that pleases me in the future. It doesn't work out that way. Apparently, if you don't make a deal of not wanting to do whatever in the first place you don't net the recipracol credit, but if you do speak up you're automatically elevated to bitch status, huh?

Irrelephant said...

Hell of a puzzle, meno. I wish I had a good answer, or even a bit of well-meaning advice but I feel just as trapped as you do when it comes to familial expectations and spousal obligations and all the mores and patterns that we as humans seem to be so good at wrapping ourselves up in.

crazymumma said...

what is nadruponi?

and yes. I am doing it this weekend. driving forever to go to a thanksgiving dinner I do not want to attend. To keep others happy.

I think it is called taking one for the team.

go girl. now go and do something for you.

Cheesy said...

Wow you must be in the same "I better do this" vortex as I am this week. I KNOW I should drive the three hour round trip EVERY day to attend all the family stuff for departed Uncle-in-Law but I am sick of it. Does that make me a bad peson? No. Just not real happy about it.
Hugs gurlie.

meno said...

h.e.eigler, i bet you do more of them that you realize, and if not, you are my hero.

flutter, yeah, damn is about right.

sally, maybe kind, maybe spineless. Maybe both.

marsha, that's a technique i employ myself. Doesn't work, but i get to free my inner two year old.

de, yeah, blech. I will still keep doing it, but i would like to learn to shake it off more quickly.

patches, yes you are. I used to make a big deal of it, about not wanting to, but it just made it worse. I think that's the part tha makes me the poutiest, that i really have no choice.

irrelephant, understanding is the best i could hope for. We all do these things, and some of us hate them, some don't mind.

crazymumma, It's a new thing i made up last night, it stands for National Drunken Posting Night. Give it a try and you can sound as pathetic as i do. I'm sympathic to your weekend ordeal.

cheesy, no, you are not a bad person. That you would do it ONE day should be quite sufficient. Although who knows what the rest of the family will deem sufficient?

fiwa said...

I get it. Sometimes you just gotta grit your teeth. If it's any consolation, you'll probably feel better later on that you did these things. A smidgen better, but you take what you can get, right?

TTQ said...

Can we say Co-dependency?? Giving in to people to make them happy even though it makes us want to projectile vomit all over them and maybe smack the living shit out of them. Instead we get a grudge and it eats up the benevolence and makes us bitter and feel slighted.

Can you pass the broccoli please? Dinner looks wonderful.

luckyzmom said...

My mantra, "You've gotta do what you've gotta do, but you don't have to like it." Is that what you are talking about?

Dick said...

I guess we all have some of those things that are more for others than for us. We just ordered a new living room set of furniture that means I am getting rid of a favorite chair of mine. But she is happy about the change. And I do get to keep my chair, it will just now be in the sunroom rather than the living room.

Stucco said...

You're not talking about butt sex, are you? If so, just point out that next time it's your turn and dust off the strap-on...

Good deeds are best when served with threats.

Mignon said...

I've got one that nobody knows is so ucky and unpleasant for me. Meaning, I do it and get zero credit. Probably not even good karma because my heart is so black in the doing... Yes, people will have to be dead for this thing to be over.

Hopefully, like mine, your obligation occurs infrequently.

rebecca said...

meno - I found you thru mother hen's site and glad I did !

I definitely get it...I used to be the same way up until I hit 40 and then I began to balance it out. I still do it but not as much. I've taken that part of my life back and it sure feels good! I don't know how old you are but you will find that as you get older it will get easier (and a lot less guilty) to say No. "no" becomes a word you are no longer afraid to say.

meno said...

fiwa, you are right, it has to be done.

ttq, says the woman who LIKES her mother! :)

luckyzmom, that is what i'm talking about.

dick, NOOO, not...the comfortable chair! You are a saint for letting it be relocated to the sun room.

stucco, how perceptive you are! But it's not dusty, i oil it daily.

mignon, wow, you are a hero for keeping the ucky to yourself. I mean that sincerely. Letting everyone know how unhappy you are just spreads the misery.

lu said...

I suppose its part of our human obligation to make concessions for the sake of peace; however, when the icky factor the natural reaction we owe it some respect. Why is it icky to you, and is it a kindness that could be left behind and replaced with a more mutually satisfactory alternative?

QT said...

Normally, I give to get...I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes it doesn't work out like that and you just have to take the short end of the stick.

By the way? LOVE NaDruPoNi and wondering if there is a corresponding button??

Bob said...

you didn't even the satisfaction of a job well done?

Tink said...

85% of my life is doing things that make others happy. I like to think that it makes me happy by proxy. But that's not always true.

hockamama said...

will we feel any better after they're gone? that's what I wanna/need to know. you know mama drives me absofrigginlutely bananas, and that when I hang up the telephone, the temptation to ram a pencil into my eye is almost unbearable... my good friend told me the other day that I need to tell her that I'm so very tired of the whiny poor me junk, and to get off the damn cross 'cause someone else needs the wood. but, what if I lose her next week? then how will I feel? of course if she hangs around for a few more years, she'd have time to get over it, but for now, I just keep my mouth shut and cry inside.

sorry, to hijack your comment box, but I can't post it on my blog, because she'll call me about it. and, I knew you'd understand.

okay, carry on.

The Real Mother Hen said...

I read it and rushed outside to check my lawn. Nope. No one has mowed it yet.
Would you like to mow it for me? Then I'll let you know how good I feel :)

meno said...

rebecca, i am older than you. I say no many times, but you just can't do that every time. And thank you for your other comment. I have a hard time with compliments, but i do appreciate them.

lu, it's icky because there is no give and take in the conversation, it's all being lectured to. I'll have to think about a replacement.

qt, i have no idea how to make a button. Perhaps we should get Ms. Chica on it?

bob, the satisfaction of a job done i guess. As in over.

tink, too bad you have to work. And the rest of the time you are sleeping? :)

holly, oh yeah, i get it. Mine isn't whining, it's what i call "The Wall of Noise." I might as well not even be there.

mother hen, sorry, i'll get right on that.

jen said...

are you talking about sex?

TTQ said...

yes.. but does the mom LIKE the daughter? Hence the TTQ

sari said...

Yes.

egan said...

I'm confused. Does this mean you will post something new every day during the month of November?

Poe Cooper said...

This kind of feeling is exactly why I quit giving blow jobs.

Vulgar Wizard said...

You just defined marriage. :)