Wednesday, May 06, 2009

An insane woman

There's something in me that cannot give up trying to take care of people. Trying to herd him into doing what i think he needs to do to take care of himself.

Dropping little hints about resting and taking it easy when i see the exhaustion and illness in his eyes.

You know that old saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Yeah. That would make me an insane person.

You cannot make someone take care of himself if he doesn't want to.

Tonight i am going to remain quiet. I will not be sending that text message suggesting that it might be okay to make an early night of it. I will not be making that phone call offering chicken soup (figuratively) and suggesting ibuprofen (literally) that might help take away the pain.

I think i'm being helpful, but that doesn't make it true.

It's really an arrogance in me thinking that i can offer help. It hasn't worked for....many years. So that means it's not going to work.

So give it up already.

18 comments:

QT said...

What will you do with all that extra energy, I wonder? :)

meno said...

qt, Hah haa hahah ha! I'm thinking of inventing a new way to achieve orgasm. :)

jen said...

i think you should come over to my house. i'd totally exploit you and let you take care of me.

Bob said...

If I had an extra suitcase, I'd let you burn off some of that extra energy in London.

There are some lessons people have to learn for themselves. The bitch is that they aren't the only ones that wind up getting hurt.

I'm sorry.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I'm sorry. Leading horses to water comes to mind here. It's painful to care more for someone than he does for himself, but it isn't arrogant. Just sad.

egan said...

This is one of life's toughest challenges. Do you continue to "coach", knowing it won't really help things in the long run or not.

I learned at an early age to not expect people to change, but to learn to live with who they are.

Mrs. Chili said...

Letting go, while sometimes difficult to actually do, can be SO freeing...

de said...

the arrogance is in thinking that the concern is invalidated if the advice is not taken.

Marshamlow said...

Advice is a tricky thing both the giving and taking. I am so extremely mainipulative and sure that I am right I will often stay up into the night trying to find new ways of presenting the same old advice. New things to say and do to get him to hear me.

I seem to remember you saying that this new job would do this to him. Perhaps it is just a mountain he feels he has to scale. Something he has to conquer in order to feel like he matters. Perhaps his focus isn't on feeling good physically but in winning this battle. Perhaps your advice should focus on that. Like I bet if you ate, slept, excercised a little bit more you would be able to accomplish more at work - have more stamina, a clearer head etc. Men's perspective I think is different. At least my husband's is. He isn't concerned at all in feeling good and being at peace like me. He wants accomplishment and to be able to endure more than everyone else.

Equally Insane but not so Wise said...

You can change how it impacts you, but you cannot change the inner nature of the beast. Maybe your beast and my beast can exchange text messages about not feeling 100%.

furiousBall said...

i want to bite QT

hockamama said...

it's sometimes difficult to part with the old ways, even when they don't work. there's comfort in the routine.

come down this way, I'll take your advice, your figurative chicken soup, some ibuprofen, and I'll even offer you a glass (or 10) of wine and some stimulating convo.

deb said...

I'm learning that people don't change, unless they want to. Nor do they like or appreciate unsolicited advice, which of course I'm giving you now. And yeah, I see the irony in this.

I had to look up Soylent Green. Gross!

meno said...

jen, have you been drinking enough water? Eating your veggies? Good girl!

bob, London? I'm THERE! Yeah, some things have consequences beyond the individual.

hearts. that expression crossed my mind too.

egan, you are a faster learner than i. Must be all those brains.

mrs. chili, we'll see if that's true.

de, well said. I have to think about that.

marsha, good memory you have there girl! That is really what i am doing, allowing what i though would happen to happen.

equally insane, my beast is all over the text messaging!!

furious, who wouldn't

holly, you know, someday i just might take you up on that.

deb, but it's not really unsolicited. Putting it out there is tantamount to inviting advice.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Don't give up. Keep going. It will keep you sane, I promise.

Brad said...

Remember. were guys. We're wired backwards. We hear the warnings and feel the love. We're just to dense to pick up the clue.

luckyzmom said...

Me too! Me too! Me too! I did stop, but it is so difficult to keep my mouth shut. I will start to say something and then realize, and say, that, I am not your mother. For so many years without realizing it, I tried to be. Then we read Harville Hendricks and realized I was just like his mother and that's the reason he married me! Who knew.

Mrs4444 said...

That first Step: Powerlessness
Once you get that one, you're almost home free...