Thursday, August 31, 2006

Mom of the year


Taken at Cannon Beach, OR.

Em goes to a yuppie private school. At the beginning of each year, each grade goes on an overnight retreat in order to do some "bonding". So Em went off on Thursday morning with a sleeping bag and a suitcase.

While i was at my volunteer job on Thursday afternoon my cellphone rings. It was Em, sobbing. I try to find out what the hell is wrong, and am eventually able to understand that her feelings have been grievously hurt by Thomas. I put down the cell phone for a minute and tell my other caller, who is a client of my volunteer thing, that i have an emergency phone call and need to call her back.

So the insult was that Thomas told Em that her acne is really bad. It is sorta bad, but she is 15, and it's not disfiguring or anything. Thomas has been mean to her for two years now, ever since he asked her out and she told him that she didn't like him in that way.

Em wanted me to come and get her. I asked her if she had talked to the teachers to see if they would let her come home for hurt feelings. I knew they wouldn't, and i really didn't want to drive for two hours to go and get her, but i wanted her to know that i care about her hurt. When we got off the phone she was laughing.

When she was insulted, she started sobbing "I want my mommy" so her friends supplied her with a contraband cell phone with which to call me.

After she got off the phone, her friends asked her "What did your mom say?"

Em replied, "She told me to tell Thomas that he has a tiny dick."

Sometimes i say the right thing.

13 comments:

Mama P said...

You can also tell her that, like her pimples, this Thomas will some day be gone. Oh, wait... she'll save a place for both parties on her body some place - her ASS YO mama! (Sorry, that's rough. But she'll get through it. My brother had it, too, and he's better now. ARrgggg... breaks my heart.)

bobealia said...

I got distracted and read this post when I was supposed to be catching up in order.
I don't know why, but no one made fun of my acne, just my big nose... Now, my mother-in-law likes to point out my pimples, and little kids like to ask, "What's that bobo?"
My dad is in his fifties, and he still has bobos on his face, so I figure, that's just the way it is.
Just like Thomas is stuck with that small dick.

caro said...

thanks for that post. With three girls on the cusp of adolescence, 12, 11,9 , I'm going to need all the advice I can get. Any pointers on the burgeonning boob issue? Big, big contention at my house and God forbid we even mention the word BRA...

meno said...

mamap, it is sad, but it's also life. When someone hurts my baby, i want to tear them to shreds.

bo, that's so sweet of your MIL. >:( Bet she doesn't have any flaws for you to point out.

caro, ah boobs. They came on like gangbusters in Em. She went from nothing to a D cup in about 4 months. She is pretty comfortable with herself and me though, so we didn't have any problems with going to get bras. I would recommend that you take your girls to get fitted. That way they are dealing with someone besides their mother. Also, try to deal with them individually, take them shopping with just you. Other than that, no advice. It's a tough issue and each kid is different.

marshamlow said...

Ha! That was awesome!

Maggie said...

Now, see here is the perfect example of how awesome mom and tiny dick can belong in the same train of thought. She's a lucky kid to have a mom like you.

Jennifer said...

That is absolute brilliance.

I'd nominate you for "mother of the year" on the basis of reading this single post, if only I knew where to go for such deserved filings of nominations of that sort.

Absolute brilliance!

Tracy said...

Totally perfect parenting!

meno said...

Thanks for the support. I accomplished my two goals with this bit of snark, i made Em laugh when she was sad, and let her know that i am on her side.

Josephine said...

EXCELLENT advice! You are the best mom EVER.

Why are teenagers so damn cruel to one another? Jeez.

Maya's Granny said...

Good for you! A perfect answer that will make Thomas think twice before he tries that again, particularly if she says it in front of his friends.

meno said...

Josephine, i guess because they feel bad about themselves, but philosophy really doesn't help when your child is hurt.

granny, thank you! He said his insult in front of others, but Em didn't really need to say it to the group as her friends will pass it around. That way she can pretend to have the moral high ground and blame it on her fearsome mom.

amusing said...

After spending my high school junior year in Scotland, I was back in my college junior year. Saw someone I'd known before and said hello and he said "ah, yes, the girl with spots." Jees. That stuck with me. Surely I wasn't the only one? (I broke up with his friend, so rationalized this was just retribution years later...)

I just posted about someone very proud of his huge dick hurting me, whether intentionally or not. Ultimately, he couldn't believe I didn't want to have sex with him.

Guys can be unconscionable when it comes to lashing out post-rejection. Mean egos.

You've given her an important lesson that what she thinks matters more than some idiot with an ax to grind. A small one. Allegedly. It's the word going around....