Tuesday, July 08, 2008

What an ass

I came home the other day to find a mostly submerged paddle boat nudging our beach.

"Oh, how sad," i thought, "someone lost their paddle boat. I better go rescue it and maybe they'll come by, see it and take it home."

I started bailing out the wells, and trying to tug it up onto the beach. It weighed a ton. I would bail a little, tug a little and then bail a little more. One of my neighbors saw me struggling and came over to help. (Neighbor man is kind of cute, so that was fun!) Together we managed to drag it up on the beach.

There was a big gash along one side. "It must have gotten damaged in the water," said i to neighbor man.

"Hmmmm," neighbor man replied. (Perhaps he's from Minnesota.)

Then i noticed all the regularly sized square holes all along the side and sprinkled across the top.

Apparently the real story is that someone decided they were tired of their paddle boat, took a railroad spike and drove it repeatedly through the boat and pushed it out into the water. As if something made of plastic and Styrofoam would actually sink.

Now we have to chain saw the bitch apart, as i cannot lift the whole thing, rent a truck and take it to the dump. I briefly contemplated pushing it back out and letting someone else deal with it. But that's not how i roll, dammit.

Thanks jerk.

Y'all can help by thinking bad karma thoughts about whomever pulled this stupid stunt.


Vanessa said...

I don't think they need any help creating bad Karma, them seem to have that skill mastered if they are pulling stunts like this. I hope the dump didn't charge you to drop this off, I have no idea how the dump works.

The Real Mother Hen said...

On the brighter side, at least you got some help from a CUTE guy! That's worth 1000 brownie points my dear.

Em said...

They really were an ass. What a disrespectful thing to do. But you are a good person to take care of the problem. Does "cute guy" have time to go to the dump with you?

Just asking... :)

Eve said...

Hello, Meno. I came here a few days ago via Deb's blog. I must have spent two or three hours reading just about every single post. Exhausting but fascinating, and something I've never done before.

Anyway, if you thought your Sitemeter doohickey was off because no one could possibly have spent two or three hours reading your blog, wrong. It was I. Since I'm sure I'll be reading (and probably commenting) regularly, I thought I might as well say hello.

Gordo said...

Help from your neighbour AND a deposit into your account at the First International Bank of Karma. The circumstances suck, but good on ya!

flutter said...

oh that person is the taj majackass.

tt said...

No good deed goes unpunished right!
Karma will seek him/her out and bite their butt!!
Of course, it would be nice if you could watch thought..huh?

Anonymous said...

Don't chop it up! Put it in Freecycle. Someone might take it and then you don't have to rent a truck or anything! Or put it by the end of the driveway and write FREE on a big sign.

Maggie said...

Oh human race, we have such a long way to go and so very little time.

Thank you for being one of the good guys.

QT said...

Jeez, what Maggie said.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Aw crap, Meno. Way to be the better person. Your lake will thank you for it. Plus, it was a good workout, hauling it out of the water, right? right? echo...echo...echo

Schmoopie said...

You can use our truck. I'll even help you! (If you can wait until Saturday.) I'm not a cute guy, but I am strong :)

meno said...

vanessa, it will cost us to rent the truck AND the dump will charge up about $20. Grrrr.

mother hen, yeah, that part was fun!

em, yes, i will be going to the dump with a cute guy. But it will be the one i married. :)

eve, well hi. If you slogged through all that, then you have some amazing stamina. I've done that with a few blogs too. It was fascinating. I haven't looked at my sitemete for a while, but thanks for the heads up!

gordo, When do i get to make a withdrawal from FIBK??

flutter, oh ha ha ha! I love that and will be using it frequently.

tt, i would savor being able to watch.

beanie sue, i would totally recycle it, but it's ruined. Full of holes and missing pieces. Shit!

maggie, Truer words.... And you're welcome.

qt, maggie's pretty cool!

princess, it was a good upper body workout. My biceps are feelin' it.

Mrs4444 said...

Unbelievable. I hope he/she sinks in their new boat.

Scott from Oregon said...

patch the holes and give it to some poor kids to use for the summer....

Say It said...

bad thoughts of anal leakage going to the jerk who did this!!

Mamalujo said...

There's a bit of irony here vis-a-vis the title of the immediately preceding post. But still, I agree that you've made a deposit in your good karma account. Wish I could help with disposal!

Gina said...

Not only an ass, but a stupid ass. Awesome.

patches said...

I've seen SOMEONE's work before.

Apparently SOMEONE spend his weekends near the river leaving behind cases of inferior beer cans, washing machines, smashed bottles, and roofing shingles.


tt said...

hey...you redecorated!! I just noticed. Let's see....how do I spell..unobservant...oh, like that. Love the grafitti pic...

furiousBall said...

that's so damn stupid. i'm thinking a flaming bag of poop is called for here

Ortizzle said...

The Spanish have a great saying which, loosely translated, goes like this: "If assholes could fly, they'd blot out the sun."

Beyond that, here's a pat on the back and some good karma for you. Sometimes, that's the only way to keep a lid on the anger. :-)

meno said...

schmoopie, aren't you sweet? There is NO CHANCE that i will have dealt with it before saturday, or maybe even in the next month.

mrs. 4444, and i hope i get to watch.

scott, you'll have to trust me that this boat is not salvagable. It has maybe 40 holes, some of them 3 inches across, the rudder is missing, as well as the line that goes to the rudder.

say it, perfect, thank you!

mamalujo, i recognize the irony. I await whatever bad thing will happen because of this boat.

gina, i know. Makes you proud to be human doesn't it??!!

patches, oh yeah, there are numerous SOMEONEs. When i rule the world, littering will be a death penalty offense.

tt, Thank you, i had fun doing it too.

furious, i only wish i knew where to deliver it.

ortizzle, oh tell me the spanish words, i love that.

Clowncar said...

Why sink it? Why not just give it away to someone?

My eyes are lighting up like those kids in Village of the Damned as I warm up my bad karma eyeball rays.

sari said...

I think the good thing about Karma is, it works by itself.

Oh, yes. It does.

sari said...

I was too anxious and posted twice, then deleted.


Ortizzle said...

The original Spanish is:

"Si volaran los gilipollas, se anularía el sol."

N.B. The word "gilipollas" (pronounced Hilly-POY-as) is the word they would use in Spain for "asshole." If you actually plan to use this phrase with someone latino, beware that there are several variations, depending on the Spanish-speaking country, e.g.:

MEXICO = (los) pendejo(s)

= Si volaran los pendejos, se anularía el sol.

ARGENTINA = (los) boludo(s)

= Si volaran los boludos, se anularía el sol.

O.K., that's enough bad language rolling around your blog. Have fun, lol.

egan said...

Just great. Throw it in the lake and hope it will sink. Bury our trash underwater and all will be right. Ugh. What a pain.

Brad said...

Is the title to this post refering to the jerk who tried to ditch the boat? Or your neighbor ?

l said...

I just can't get past loving Meno for pulling the sucker from the water.

meno said...

clowncar, an excellent question. One i cannot answer. I hope you fry them with the eyeball rays.

sari, you think so huh? I wish i were as sure. And i took care of your extra comment!

ortizzle, oh thanks! that's great. We even got a pronunciation guide. Yay!

egan, i know. I wish i had Wall E to deal with it.

brad, *snort* where is your brain these days???

i, thank you. Although i did think about leaving it there. *Grumble, grumble*

Sienna said...

Oh buggar!

Really enjoyed the Spanish phrase-ing though, I love different language stuff and a bit of clever slang..am noting this down, future reference, and all that..thankyou..

Also cute neighbors are good fun, I am seeing a lot of positives out of this experience. :)-I<

That is me, I just drew a picture of me, kinda all smile and neck. Hmm, no hair.


luckyzmom said...

You must change the "directionality" of the current of your lake!

Wayfarer Scientista said...

I agree - what an ass. Anywho, stopping to say hi post bloggy break. Back to my reading now!

Lynn said...

Maybe karma already took it's toll and SOMEONE made a trip to the ER because they accidently put the railroad spike through their worthless body.

peevish said...

ok, done.

Mona Buonanotte said...

I wish karma to visit the spikers and give them a taste of their own....

Irrelephant said...

I wish I could believe in some cosmic bookkeeper, carefully jotting down black and red marks, ready to exact a payment to set the scales right. Unfortunately we both know the world is filled to it's edges with arseholes and mouth-breathers and such ilk.

Me, I thank my lucky stars there's people like you here, meno, to counteract all those who are in dire need of retroactive abortions.

TTQ said...

Putty and Duct tape (Both are for so much more than plumbers butt). 'nuff said.