I came home the other day to find a mostly submerged paddle boat nudging our beach.
"Oh, how sad," i thought, "someone lost their paddle boat. I better go rescue it and maybe they'll come by, see it and take it home."
I started bailing out the wells, and trying to tug it up onto the beach. It weighed a ton. I would bail a little, tug a little and then bail a little more. One of my neighbors saw me struggling and came over to help. (Neighbor man is kind of cute, so that was fun!) Together we managed to drag it up on the beach.
There was a big gash along one side. "It must have gotten damaged in the water," said i to neighbor man.
Then i noticed all the regularly sized square holes all along the side and sprinkled across the top.
Apparently the real story is that someone decided they were tired of their paddle boat, took a railroad spike and drove it repeatedly through the boat and pushed it out into the water. As if something made of plastic and Styrofoam would actually sink.
Now we have to chain saw the bitch apart, as i cannot lift the whole thing, rent a truck and take it to the dump. I briefly contemplated pushing it back out and letting someone else deal with it. But that's not how i roll, dammit.
Y'all can help by thinking bad karma thoughts about whomever pulled this stupid stunt.