family as shield
Last week a woman invited me to have lunch with her.
Sounds good right?
The problem is that i don't really like her. In fact, i find her smug and boring, with heavy emphasis on the boring.
I wasn't quick enough or mean enough to say, "How about never. Is never good for you?" This woman does not have the social skills to pick up on body language or she would know i don't really care for her.
I feel that everything she says is done as a way to impress me. Examples:
-On my geology class field trip the other day...
-I used to manage a lot of people at...
-I was in my studio working on my scuplture...
-My grandson will be graduating from the University of W-- when he's barely 19.
-When my last piece was commisioned...
-I designed the data base for...
-I know alot about the economy because...
She is about 70, and has been divorced for over 10 years, and while i think it's great that she has so many interests, they don't interest me.
At one point i found myself saying something like, "Oh, i just tell my husband when my car needs washing and he does it for me." All that statement needed to make it perfect was a simpering giggle.
And while i might wish it were, it isn't even true! I have to wash my own damned car. I had to laugh at myself when i realized on the way home that what i had done is play the 'stupid female card' in hopes that she would find me impossibly dull and never invite me anywhere again.
I also blamed having my daughter home this weekend as an excuse for not going to the movies with her.
26 comments:
I guess I'd rather just nip it in the bud.. and honestly tell her that you are not interested. You can let her save face by saying you have too many commitments.
If she keeps it up, then I'd just *tell her*. :)
It's easier on everyone that way.
~*
Ha too late, you're now her BFF because you have actually sat through the whole session listening to her. I bet $10 that she thinks you're highly interested in her and what she does.
Good luck :)
You're too nice. (I say that, but I wonder if I'd have handled the situation any differently....)
Happy dodging!
I got nothin. How do you even show up on the radar of a 70-year-old narcissist?
This right here is my greatest nightmare.
Pretty much every conversation I have with people (esp when I am trying to find friends) I am quite certain they are thinking all these things while they are with me.
And that then they go tell their real friends, or their mom, or their blog.
And that this is the truth of why I have no friends here in this city-town o' mine.
I've tried to figure out if it is the paranoia I inherited from my mother, or the simple fact that we all think things about each other and I am like the person who can hear what everyone is thinking (except that I'm making it all up in my head).
Everytime I hear myself say "when I used to live in Scotland..." -- I bite my tongue, but it is too late. TO me it is just my life, but I wonder often if it is perceived otherly.
Hmmm. If this woman really has no social skills then she may not be aware of her phrasing. She may also not be aware of your reactions because she's trying to make her life come out sounding normal. I don't know if this comes across when you are in conversation. On the other hand it could be totally thoughtless self-absorption on her part and you well shot of it if that's the case.
There is always the old tried and true "I'd love to but I have to wash my hair." Or, alternately, "I just tell my husband when my hair needs washing and he does it for me."
chani, i'm just not that brave. But i will be better prepared in the future.
mother hen, i would not take that bet!
princess, gee, thanks! You know you would have done the same.
mignon, sigh, we volunteer at the same place.
daisy, sweetie, i KNOW you can read body language better than this woman. honestly, you did not strike me as odd when i met you. The situation might have been a bit odd, but not you.
sally, she is not aware, that's the issue. I know that i am. like daisy, over aware.
hearts, ha! you made me laugh.
Daisy stole my comment, except that in reality I don't talk enough to put my foot in my mouth very many times. I assume my life is terribly boring and my interests so obscure ...
Tomorrow I have two dates back to back - one for a walk and coffee, and then lunch. I guess I can't be that bad, this is the third lunch with this group, and the other woman I've known for four years.
Actually, the movies isn't such a bad option because you don't have to talk.
See if I ever invite you to lunch again.....
Wait.....
I am not 70---yet.
whew~ wasn't mememe you were referring to... yet
It seems I share some insecurites with daisy and de. Talk about the novel. Talk about the stars. Brag about my kids.
Sadly, this woman isn't self-aware enough to be insecure.
Mr. Chili and I have a standing and ironclad agreement that we can ALWAYS use each other as excuses for anything. We're also making sure that the girls know they can use us to get out of situations that make them feel uncomfortable, even if they have to make us sound like trolls in order to gain any cred with the story (I'd LOVE to go to the tracks and drink, but my mother would KILL me if she found out...")
Wow ... I thought you meant a different smug, boring, everything-she-says-is-calculated-to-impress woman we know until I got the part about her age. What about you attracts people like this?
I'm totally fine with being used as an excuse, for the record.
Fyew... [she said wiping her brow]. I'm relieved. If clowncar and de feel the same way, I'm in good company.
Hmm. I've done the "stranger" and "where babies come from" talks with the kids, but I didn't get to the "you can use me as an excuse anytime" conversation. I guess I'd better get on that. (Oh, that Mrs. Chili - "drinking at the tracks" HA!)
P.S. Is "Your Daughter" blogging yet? Cuz I hope you will totally out her so we can all peruse!
xo
It doesn't matter what you say or do. This woman has it in her head that you two are going to be BFFs for-ev-er. Lol. I'm sorry. That's not funny. Well, kind of is. ;)
Anyway. The only way you can get rid of this chick is to find her another person to leech onto, someone else you dislike, maybe? Good luck! I've had a few of these over the years. The only way I was able to shake them was by moving, changing jobs, or getting a new number.
de, when you get right down to it, my life is really boring too. I'd WANT to go to lunch with you.
cheesy, no ma'am, it was not you, not even remotely.
clowncar, EXACTLY! You nailed it.
mrs. chili, i have no problem with sounding like a troll either. Use the family, anytime you need them.
my daughter, nope, this is a new one. I hope that by acting like a vapid twit, she'll not want to ask again, but i fear it won't be enought to deter the clueless.
daisy, silly you. I used to ask my kid if she really wanted to go to_____, and if she said no, but that she felt bad saying no, then i would "forbid" her to go. And she doesn't blog, she's busy at school and stuff. maybe she can write a post for me someday.
tink, oh THANKS for that. I'm sending her your way. :)
I've been inundated by the body language aloof all week. You just can't win with the self-absorbed.
Wow. Now I want to know what's so impressive about you that I should be trying to impress you, Meno! :) You are too kind. She sounds lonely, though. Sounds like there's a reason for that, though....
I always live in fear that I am the person you describe in this post!
I can't believe You, Meno, are being indirect!
Very funny!
jaded, no, you can not win. *sigh*
mrs. 4444, you should NOT try and impress me because i hate it when people do that. I think she is lonely, and i know why.
qt, oh yeah, because i so go out of my way to avoid you.
sari, she caught me by surprise! I just couldn't think fast enough to get out of it.
during my conversation with oprah the other day...
oy, i'm glad u are still here! when i clicked on your name in the comments, it went to some photo blog?
Like Barack was saying to me the other day as Michelle and I were heading out to go shopping...
People who are like this NEVER seem to pick up on subtle social cues like "Hell no I never want to see you again."
My wife washes her car herself, too, and the last time she took me on a ride through the car wash with her. I thought that was the way every wife does it? But I do the important things like opening the hard to open bottle caps, getting things off the top shelves at Safeway, etc.
I think your "friend" is to be felt sorry for as she seems to think she needs to impress you so much. So you can consider your lunches as your good deed for the public for the week.
it sounds to me like she wants your approval.
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