For the love of yeast byproduct
This is a post that one of you sent me and asked me to post anonymously. I didn't publish it right away because i can't decide quite how i feel about it. It makes me sad, and it also pisses me off and makes me want to tell the writer, "For god's sake, grow a pair!" I hope seeing in in print will help, but i'm doubtful. Courage.
Things given up for alcohol:
Sex. Too drunk. We have chosen alcohol over each other.
Reading. I can't focus on the words, they swim before my eyes. I used to love to read.
Sleep. I fall asleep hard, and then wake up after a few hours wanting water and aspirin. Am awake for hours until I fall into an uneasy sleep just before it is time to get up and make breakfast.
Time with my children. I view them as a hinderance to what I really want to be doing.
Patience. I am crabby and annoyed by everything. I'm a mean drunk.
My word. Every morning I promise that last night was it, I am quitting. That night I buy more wine.
24 comments:
Someone I care for very much has sacrificed our friendship for alcohol. I've been writing about it off and on on my site. I know she reads, but clearly my lamentations have had no effect on her. It breaks my heart, but she's an adult; if she chooses to destroy herself, she has that right.
That's rough. The fact that he or she recognizes that there is a problem is a start. I hope they can make the change they need.
It sounds to me like this person is an alcoholic (and is married to one too?). My brother-in-law has been battling alcoholism all of his adult life - and for the most part he has succeeded. But he has recently relapsed and, after recent stay in the hospital (due to his drinking) is in a 28-day in-house program to dry out.
your writer needs to seek help for their problem with alcohol. it is a disease like any other. and like depression, many people who don't have this problem don't understand the hold it has over those that suffer from it.
This is a painful post to read. I hope the person who writes it finds their "bottom" soon and reaches out to AA or some similar to get help. Good luck to the author.
I understand your hesitation to publish this, it's painful to read. having grown up with adults who overindulged, I feel for the 'hinderances'. but, as an adult, living in these tough times, I feel for the writer, as well. I hope he/she manages to make some changes before all is lost.
That is the strangest thing I've ever read. To be that self-aware that you know you're doing those things...well I suppose that's the true nature of an addiction isn't it. Aware you have it, unable to stop it. Very sad.
As someone who lived that way for too many years, I hope your anonymous poster will realize that there's only one thing that will stop the routine.. and that is to choose to stop. And keep choosing to stop. Drinking is a choice. It's not a compulsion.
My recommendation would be to check out LifeRing Secular Sobriety - which I am still a part of because I don't like the Calvinist religious influence of AA. Lifering encourages each person to find his or her own best sobriety "tool box" and make it work.
http://www.unhooked.com
~*
It is sad.
An interesting follow up post would be "< del >Things< /del> Bullshit Lies I tell myself when I am on my way to the package store."
Keeping that list around would be pretty sobering, too.
Keep trying, Anonymous. It's painful to give up an addiction to alcohol, but not as painful as the road you're on.
Aw. This is heavy.
I want to hug the writer and tell her/him that there is light at the end of the tunnel if she/he seeks it.
mrs. chili, that's a sad choice she's making.
gina, i think the problem is recognized, but the solution is not.
bob, i know that your comment will be read by the writer. Thank you for being so compassionate.
vanessa, it is painful. i find it frustrating as well.
holly, that was the part that bothered me the most. The children. They will be sall kinds of fucked up.
candy, i think you must be right.
chani, thank you for that link, and your story. I can only hope it will hekp.
de, i hope we will get a follow up post someday. I will ask for one. And i hope it's not the list you describe.
mother hen, you are sweet to send a hug. Passing it on..
This was painful to read as I pretty much left this person behind a little over a year ago. Altho I'm not sure he had this much clarity on his condition.
"I view them as a hinderance to what I really want to be doing."
This hurt deeply. I cannot stand the suffering of children. Their only allies are their parents. They need them. I truly hope this person finds a way to stop.
I hope your poster can stop. Or at least get his/her kids to Al-anon. And maybe sit in on a meeting with them. Can't hurt. Might help.
Thailandchani, I've never heard of that group. Do they have a group that corresponds to Al-Anon?
I think and hope this describes just a minority of those who take a drink, regularly or just occasionally. Alcohol certainly is one of the things that must be used in moderation and I guess there are those who can't tell when they have crossed the line of moderation. I too hope he/she will seek out help. And that it will work.
get some help. Do it now.
I feel sorry for the kids.
I don't know the person, or the situation, but the kids - they will carry this around forever.
My dad was (is) an alcoholic. I haven't spoken to him in four years. I would rather never see him again then have to live through his disease, a disease he has NO interest in curing...
A disease that cost him everything...
That resulted in him killing a woman, a Mom of two, in a drunken car accident...
That took him to jail seven times...
That was more important than paying for chemo for his breast cancer (no lie).
So yeah, you can have your excuses. But until you DO SOMETHING about it, it's still your fault. And guaranteed, you will lose everything you hold dear.
This is an enormous problem, symptomatic of a larger problem, the inability to cope with life.
That is sad. Really.
How incredibly sad to give up soo much for so very little.
I hope the poster can grow a pair too. It would be so worth it.
qt, yeah, i thought about your ex when i read this, minus the kids.
maggie, that part is the hardest to take. Destroying your own life is one thing, but not the kid's.
nancy, i had never heard of that group either. I looked at the website. Sounds like they welcome family members. Seems like a less rigid group than AA. Although i don't know what i'm talking about.
dick, yes, this is not a casual drinker.
flutter, i'm going to give my 5 cent psychiatric opinion here and say that i think this post is maybe the beginning of getting help.
sari, that's the real reason to quit, the kids.
tink, that was hard and real. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell it. I hope it's motivating.
patches, shit, i think i have that inability. I just realize that drinking too much will not make it any easier, rather the opposite.
magpie, i know. it is.
rll, maybe this post, and the responses, will start the pair. We can hope.
Addictions are one way of dealing with the pain of life, or of avoiding dealing with the pain of life, really. There are other ways though. It is possible to feel pain and not drink.
Please send my warmth and salutations to your friend. It's hard to grow a pair when you're buried in shit. But recognizing the various ways that you're buried (and remembering who you were before) is the first step. Thank you for helping me recognize and remember. And thanks for having the balls to post this.
Pretty horrific, the disease of alcoholism. I recently learned that current brain research shows that the addiction lives in the part of the brain that also deals with basic survival, which explains why alcoholics will forgo everything else for alcohol. Doesn't make it any easier for the rest of us, but it helps me have compassion her (my MIL).
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