Thursday, February 12, 2009

Intelligent discourse

This is more in the nature of a diary entry than a thoughtful blog post. Fair warning.

I'm all excited as i leave at o'fuck thirty tomorrow morning to wing my way to Ohio to visit my offspring.

"Oh," she says, "Come visit me. I miss you. I want you to meet my friends"

Translation: Come spoil me rotten for a weekend mommy.

Okay, i can't resist THAT! Tell me you could.

There's also a person she likes. Maybe even likes likes. I have prepared a list of questions for this person. I hope s/he doesn't mind.

-so, what does your mother do?
-so, how do you feel about pre-marital sex?
-so, what are your political views?
-so, do you understand that i will kill you if you hurt my daughter?

-so, do you know how to don a condom?
-so, how did you vote in the last election.

(just kidding baby.... mostly.)

And then, and THEN (!) i'm going off for a few days to visit one of my
blomies. (Say it out loud, it's obscene.) We hope to go hiking together.

I'll be in touch as i have my precious with me. (laptop)

22 comments:

flutter said...

blow mes. *snort*

Maggie said...

Blomies really makes being a friend a rather dubious honor.

Spoiling your children and scaring their potentials is a mother's right and duty. Have fun with it.

Can't wait to hear your adventures.

Gordo said...

*Snort* .. Blomies ... :-)

When B was pregnant, I counted torturing SO's as one of the benefits of having a daughter. We got boys. Enjoy yourself.

de said...

I am speechless with JEALOUSY about the second half of your trip.

The Real Mother Hen said...

I think you're going to LOVE the fellow of your daughter despite he/she was raised by a rude mother, enjoys pre-marital sex (a lot), and voted for other party :)

All because you love your daughter so dearly.

Candy said...

That's awesome, are you staying in the dorm with her? I see mine too often to get excited about such visits. I'm envious :)

Mignon said...

The weekends with my mom during college stand out in my mind - some comfort and genuine loving during an incredibly stressful time in my life. Enjoy yourself and spoil away, it IS your right and duty.

(Also taking note that this 'person' is male.)

Clowncar said...

see, there's the difference between you and me. when I make that trip to visit someone my daughter like likes, i'm gonna bring the same list of questions. and a tazer.

furiousBall said...

this post made me laugh out my mouthhole

QT said...

Say hi to ms. chica! I wish I could experience hiking...I've got a few more months to go on that.

I bet your trip to Ohio is a blast!

Cheesy said...

Hiking? I'm so jello-hehehe

I used to LOVE visiting the kids when they were in college.. I love their friends like my own kids. The thing I try to notice when meeting the new loves in the clans lives is to watch how the other touches and speaks to them. I immediately adored both my daughters' husbands [at that time beaus] when I first met them. Tenderness oozed from them both.
They had grand mothers to raise such wonderful men. I hope em's fancy has a good momma.

Bob said...

Wow - you'll be just up the road, so to speak. It's pretty up there. Be sure to see Rock City! and Lookout Mountain! and Ruby Falls!

(I know this doesn't make sense, but it would if you traveled the highways leading to Ms. Chica's hometown from anywhere in the contiguous states.)

ms chica said...

Gee, I'm kinda of sad I'll be missing out on the interrogation...but I'd probably just have flashbacks about curling up in the fetal position like I did in HS when my parents did the same thing...But there is always hiking.

Hurry up already!

Tink said...

You could always say to him what my Dad always said to MY love interests...

"I just want you to know that I have a bullet for every occasion."

Dick said...

Have a nice trip. When you get back you will probably really appreciate our weather. I think it is cold this time of the year in Ohio.

My son says that he plans to greet the guys planning to date his daughter in his cop uniform with a shotgun leaning against the wall beside his chair. I think he will have awhile before having to really worry as she is only 8 right now and in the 3rd grade, but that time will come. Frightening, as he can remember his attitude toward girls when he was a young stud. And he actually was pretty nice.

Joan said...

Geez...isn't it usually the father who scares the dickens out of potential suitors? Young man...be afraid...be very afraid.

Irrelephant said...

And here I thought you were going to come see the new pups. Heck, I was even going to let you use the expandable-fishing-pole-now-lunge-line with a plastic bag tied on the end to make the pups tear around in circles at top speed.

Diane Mandy said...

Have a wonderful trip!

jen said...

so then, there's a boy.

there's a boy.

good luck, Meno. I expect you to chart the course as always.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I hope the spoiling went exactly as planned, and also the hiking.

As for the conversation with the object of Em's affections, that never goes as planned. I just hope nobody ended up in the hospital.

Jocelyn said...

The beauty of the blogosphere is that we all breathlessly await the report on both his condoms and voting.

Cuz there's nothing better than intimate info about someone we'll never know.

Vanessa said...

So you know, we all want to hear more about this boy....and you do have your precious with you....