Wednesday, January 02, 2008

She really got me

My parents have pretty bad taste in wine. It's odd, because they have a nice wine cellar and spend some money on their wine, but YUCK! It's kind of a standing joke between the Mister and me and my siblings and siblings-in-law. We always try to arrange it so that the parents don't bring any wine to family events.

As an example, one year they gave the Mister and me, along with my brothers and their spouses, a half case of this wine from a winery called "Amity." This wine smelled like cow manure, i am not kidding. Even my SIL, who is a much nicer person that me, called the aroma "unfortunate." I actually threw it away, and that's saying something because it kills me to waste wine, even if it is swill. I wouldn't even cook with that shit.

Three years ago my parents gave each of us "kids" a case of wine. We happened to be having Christmas morning at our house that year, so my rat-fink sister-in-law (obviously NOT the nice one mentioned above) managed to leave her case behind. Hidden. In my closet. Under some towels. So it was not an accident, as she later tried to claim.

But i got her back. Her birthday is in late January. I wrapped up the case of wine and the Mister and i drove over to their house and left it on her doorstep, along with a syrupy birthday card, the "To a Dear Sister-in-Law" kind. Then we drove away really fast, in case we were spotted.

I got a mock outraged call from her later that day and we laughed and giggled and hooted. She told me how she had been all excited when she saw the box, until she opened it. She swore she would get me back.

Three years went by, i forgot all about it.

But she didn't.

This Christmas she had her son (i can't believe she involved an innocent 19 year old in her scurrilous plan) pretend to be interested in my car. And i fell for it; hook, line and sinker. Nobody is ever interested in my car, because the Mister always has a fancier one. So i took him out and showed him the car and let him sit in it and offered to let him drive.

And that little stinker watched where i put my keys and then went back outside and transferred that damned case of wine into the trunk of my car. I didn't find it until after we got home from San Diego.

So i called her up yesterday and told her just how much she sucks. And then we laughed and hooted and giggled.

But i am plotting revenge.

45 comments:

TTQ said...

The gift that keeps giving. Laughs that is!That's a great present if you ask me!

Mrs. Chili said...

That's hysterical. So, you're just going to keep figuring out ways to keep dumping the same case on each other for years and years.

ms chica said...

You realize you must plot revenge against two now. Since your nephew is old enough to vote, he too should be tried as an adult by the court of meno, and sentenced to some absurd task, like taking your parents shopping, or singing "Bad Touch" at the nursing home.

amusing said...

Oh, it's all funny til the bottles break and you have to pull out "Hints from Heloise" to find out what goes nicely with a bad vintage, an "unfortunate" bouquet and residual wine stains....

I think you tell them there was a terrible fender bender, your car is ruined and now you must have another, please, preferably nicer than the mister's.

luckyzmom said...

LOL:)

You should donate it to a silent auction, or some such, in her name.

flutter said...

Oh I love it!

Alli said...

That's too funny!

Joan said...

Ooooh...I just love this "Wine Tag Your It" family game. I feel a reality show coming on.

ETK said...

That is awesome! Can't wait to hear how you give it back to her.

liv said...

your sister in law is good people. that's just the sort of game you could expect from me. sort of like the year i gave my godmother a 3 tiered virgin mary beverage fountain because i knew she'd never throw something "religious" away. it had fiber optic lights. yeah, it did.

Maggie said...

Ooh this is delicious. Maybe you should open the case and somehow send her each bottle one at a time. Muahahahaa

QT said...

Too funny - I have friends that do this with a lawn ornament and every Christmas, baby shower, etc. it gets passed around.

Too funny!

Mama P said...

Now that is funny.

meno said...

ttq, you are exactly right. It's all about the laughter.

mrs.chili, i know, what a challenge!

ms.chica, you are right, that little bastard needs to know just WHO IS IS DEALING WITH!

amusing, ooooh! Good idea. I need a new car, Mine is just RUINED!

luckyzmom, that's a great idea!

flutter, just don't mess with me! I will take revenge.

alli, i think so too.

joan, a TV show! I like that idea too.

etk, i'm thinking, you know i am.

liv, she is good people. We just had the best laugh. Do you have a picture of the fountain? That would be priceless.

maggie, that is ONE of my ideas.

qt, what fun, a tacky lawn ornament might need to be included.

mamap, i think so too. :)

tt said...

Yep...once again you were my daily chuckle. Too funny.
It's giving me ideas...and that's a good thing.(**she says with a sinister laugh**)

Lynn said...

I can't wait to hear what you have in store for her. muwahahahaha

jen said...

i love me a good revenge.

Nancy Dancehall said...

AmityVino Horror.

Your SIL rules.

(oh my god. I forgot for a second how to sign in to leave a comment.)

Sober Briquette said...

That's great. It brings back memories of my in-laws. They used to take turns with another couple going on out-of-state booze runs, giving each other their orders. The other couple would always bring back something not on the list that was too good a deal to pass up, and my in-laws would be stuck with it. For YEARS, a bottle of "Primavera" wine would come out at every holiday.

Mother of Invention said...

I think you may just have a life-long game on your hands...and if one of you dies ...guess what wine they'll serve at your wake?!! HA!

There's a wine called, "Smells Like Cat-Pee"!

peevish said...

I admire the elaborate practical joke, mostly because I never have the brains or patience to pull one off.

Also, my favorite red wines are the ones that smell like manure. Really good Rhones, for example. Am I weird?

Marsha said...

Thanks for the laugh. I am horrid at planning a practical joke, so no advice...It would be funny if you could find a way to get her to actually have to drink some of it. Happy New Year.

sari said...

I think this sounds great. And you know it will never end!

thailandchani said...

I wouldn't even cook with this... sh*t

Crack me up! :)

meno said...

tt, if you come up with a good idea let me know.

lynn, oh you'll hear about it, but it may be a while...

jen, a dish best served cold, at least for my sil.

nancy, that's what i thought about the name too, and it was a warning.

de, it may be shitty wine, but it was SUCH A DEAL! That sounds familiar.

moi, cat pee? ewww. I don't think i'll be investigating that one.

peevish, Yep, you are weird. There's a difference between "earthy" and "cow shit".

marsha, i am horrid at it too. But i will think of something!

sari, never, ever.

chani, the joke at our house is that we'll use it to wash our feet.

Em said...

The post..and the revenge...is funny. Wine so bad that is has no purpose other than to be a bad gift...not so funny. LOL

furiousBall said...

Haha! That's awesome. The revenge was pretty darn funny.

Gina said...

We have a giant pair of jeans that make their way around our family that way. they have gone from being a gag gift to being the one everyone wants.

deb said...

that must be some crappy wine.

Dick said...

Maybe it will eventually become so old that it will have an antique value?

Andrea said...

It's like the proverbial fruitcake!!! LOL!

holly said...

this is such a hoot! I wish I had a sister in law like you, meno; would you adopt me?

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I think that's awesome - it's fun that you can do that to each other - and that the wine hasn't spilled all over either one of your things and reaked!

Sparkliesunshine said...

This is completely hilarious.

Susanne said...

Oh my. That's really funny. Have a Happy New Year.

meno said...

em, it's sad about the wine, but we are having more fun with it than if we drank it.

furious, just wait for the NEXT revenge.

gina, how fun! Although i wonder that everyone would want a pair of giant pants.

deb, you have no idea.

dick, probably it will be by the time we drink it. :)

andrea, oh! That's an idea, maybe i'll give her a fruitcake!

holly, well, maybe not, but i could send you my sil!

princess e, not a broken bottle, that would be really sad.

sparklie s, glad you enjoyed it, i think so too.

susanne, and you have one too!

Franki said...

Ahem...I believe it's called "earthy." We've got one of those bottles. It's quite dusty.

Can't wait to hear how your return it!

Tink said...

That's AWESOME! For years my family passed around a pair of gigantic panties. Birthdays and holidays, everyone wondered when it would show up, in what way, and to whom. I wonder what ever happened to them.

My Reflecting Pool said...

haha! I love pranksters! The place I buy my wine is owned by a guy who has the crappiest taste in wine. What is it about some of these "wine" people? blagh

meno said...

franki, i'm okay with "earthy" but the Amity wine was beyond earthy and was all the way to"cow shitty."

tink, someone is probably wearing them right now. Just be glad it isn't you.

my pool, i think we just have different palates. At least that's the nice explanation. It could be that they just suck at wine picking.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Why don't you give it to your parents on their next anniversary? They'll love it! In fact, if all the recipients of the unfortunate swill were to give all the cases to your parents, the wine would find a good home and your parents would be thrilled that all of their children and spouses have such marvelous taste in wine.

CS said...

That is really too funny. My Mom and I had a ratty crocheted yarn cross someone had given her that we hid at each other's houses for years. It finally disappeared a few years ago. This Christmas, included in my gifts, was a new hideous crocheted cross.

capacious said...

This is hilarious. Our family has a similar story with a romance novel entitled "Love Waits" that was in the grab bag as a joke one year. My sister and brother traded it back and forth for years. Once it even got returned to the library in a stack of books by mistake. It got lost when my sister put it behind my brother's washing machine. He was having house renovations done, and she figured the workers would find it and give it to him. Unfortunately, they threw it out instead. But my brother got a new copy of "Love Waits"....

He and his wife had a funny game of hiding a piece of string for a while. He hid it in a gallon of ice cream, which I always thought was genius.

Swistle said...

Ha ha, I love this! Stinky Wine Tag!

Melanie said...

That is hilarious!!! I am laughing out loud in my office.