A brief history of stuff

We are in the process of ridding our house of stuff. Some of it is hard to part with, not because it has any value, but because of the stories that go with it.

So i have decided to take pictures of some of the stuff and tell the stories. Then i can get rid of it all with a smile. At least that's what i am hoping for.

I used to take pottery classes with one of my sisters-in-law. We had so much fun. It's like a socially acceptable way for grownups to play with mud. I made many ugly little pots with thick bottoms, a few of which i still use. This pumpkin was made from a pinch pot. You can put a candle in there and it won't smell like you burned the pumpkin pie.

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Look at this precious little tea set! There's even a wee cream pot. Em and i had many tea parties with this set. I once made cucumber sandwiches to go on the plates. Do you know how hard it is to make cucumber sandwiches? Cucumbers are slippery.

For a whole week once, Em insisted that we feed the cats on the plates. I wish i had a photo of our large boy cats eating from these little tiny plates.

Hey! I just had a thought (stand back!) If any of you with small children would like this tea set let me know and i will mail it to you. It would make me happy to know that someone is enjoying it.

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This is back from when Em was in her Garfield stage. She even had a book, "How to Draw Garfield." I have no idea why she chose paper plates as the canvas for her art.

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What on earth are those? They are fossilized shark's teeth, of course! I collected every one of these from a beach somewhere in Virginia as a child. I spent many hours poring over the sand looking for these. This predated my carnelian (from Stinson Beach in California) and agate (from the San Juan Islands here in Washington) hunting days.

Close up of shark's teeth. I still think these are really cool.

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This is a pasta bowl that The Mister bought at a fundraising auction for $100. We had a friend who did one of those Climb Mt. Rainier for Lung Cancer thingies. We had to buy something, so here it is. I have never used it. It's kind of a nice bowl. Hmmmm. Maybe i should keep it. No, no, i must Stay Strong.

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I used to make all of Em's Halloween costumes. This is a dragon. To me, every Halloween costume starts with a sweatsuit. I have made Unicorns and Turtles and Sea Urchins. No fairy princesses for my Em.


The wings are silver on one side and gold on the other. I patterned them after the wings of a beanie baby dragon.

I even drew silver and gold scales on the knees of the pants with puff paint. It kills me to give this to the Goodwill.

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This is Nala, from The Lion King. Nala used to go everywhere with Em. Nala would jump over the hot lava pit in our living room and her favorite food was parsley stems. More than once i have had to perform delicate micro-surgery to reattach Nala's head after a particularly fierce hug.

I think Nala will have to stay.

You can't make this shit up

completely gratiuitous and irrelevant picture of the butt crack of a teenage girl in a public place.

I was at the local mall yesterday, hanging out while selling some used books and reading Savage Love in The Stranger.

I started hearing some twittering from behind me, giggles and whispers from a group of people. I wasn't really paying much attention until one of them came up to stand beside me.

"Did you used to be famous for something," (as opposed to famous for nothing?) she asked me, "My friend thinks you did." (why is it always the friend?)

"Um, no."

"Are you SURE?"

I took a moment to consider my answer, as if i couldn't quite recall. "Yes, i am sure."

She issued a delicate snort and flounced off to report back to the friend.

WTF?

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In a shameless attempt to call attention to myself, i wish to point out that today is my two year blogiversary. What an interesting ride it's been. Thanks to all of you for making it so. What fun we've had. Yay me. YAY YOU!

An "I Love Lucy" moment

* This picture was taken about a half an hour after i stopped the dishwasher and finished mopping up the floor, when i had regained my sense of humor and determined that this was funny.

I am lucky enough to be able to pay someone else to clean my house. Sometimes i wonder if it's really a good idea though.

I came home about 15 minutes after they had finished cleaning, and found suds frothing forth from the dishwasher, which was running.

Yep, they had decided to run the dishwasher with dish washing liquid.

It wasn't even full!!!

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I just popped my Craig's list cherry! I sold Em's old twin bed frame for $40! I am so excited that i think i'll list The Mister's car. Shhhh. Don't tell him, it's a secret. Won't he be surprised!

Curse you Patches!

I made a lolcat.

I need help, srsly.

Aiming for 100

Well hi there. Thank you all for your supportive comments and suggestions. I find my own behavior unacceptable, but it's nice that none of you called me a jerk, at least not to my face.

Although Scott did say something like, it's okay to yell, but knock off that throwing stuff crap. I agree. I am going to take some of the information provided by you nice people and work on that. All i can truthfully promise is that i will try REALLY REALLY HARD not to lose it again.

The last person i went off on was my husband (although i did not throw anything) about a month ago. After i calmed down i had to go and apologize with my tail between my legs.

Last night we were chatting about something or other and he said, "I like talking to you because you are so reasonable."

I raised one eyebrow (a useful skill that i have passed on to my daughter) and looked askance at him.

"Well," he amended, "you are reasonable 99.98% of the time."

I just need to work on that other .02%.

Tantrum

I have a bad temper.

This is not something of which i am proud. The opposite is true. I am ashamed.

There is a lifecycle for this temper.

I lose it. I totally lose it. I scream like a rabid harpy at my child or my husband. I scream for about five minutes. Sometimes i throw things. The more i scream and storm, the worse i feel. I can't seem to stop it.

Then i have to go away. I can't calm down unless i am alone.

After a while, i present myself to the offended party. I apologize. I admit my failure. I stare at the floor.

I feel deeply ashamed of my disgusting behavior. I slink around for several days, not being able to look anyone in the eye. I sigh a lot. I am depressed, deeply. I think how they would be better off without me.

I can see it coming with Em. I can't with the Mister. So with Em, sometimes i can get away from her and calm down before i lose it.

With the Mister it comes out of the blue. It's binary. From zero to sixty in 3 nanoseconds.

My family forgives me, but i do not. I swear it will never happen again, that i will control myself. (The fact that i never do this in front of other people is proof that i can control myself. This makes me feel even worse.)

Then, six, eight, ten months later, i do it again.

"Everyone has the right to be an ass." *

I survived, although i was a zombie yesterday. A few things i learned:

-65 teenagers make ONE HELL OF A LOT OF NOISE!
-teenagers descend like a swarm of locusts on any free food, no matter how loathsome.
-teenage boys like to punch and kick one another.
-teenage girls like to groom one another.
-some traditions are stupid.
-it was smart of me to take earplugs.

It's some kind of traditon for the seniors at Em's school to have some kind of overnight event right after the graduation ceremony. But in reality, the kids were DONE, FINISHED, KAPUT, OVER, TOAST by 3:30 am, but we all had to stay at the last place until 5:00 am. Then we trudged on to the buses and rode in bleary-eyed silence back to the school. It would have been way better to have had the event end at 3:00 or so. But hey, i didn't do the planning.

The Mister and Em and i got home at 6:00 am. Ugh. Yesterday was spent waiting until it was late enough to go to bed.

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I watched Harold and Maude with Em today. It is so much fun to watch movies that i have loved with her and have her love them too.

* Colin Higgins

It's all over but the partyin'

This is graduation weekend at House Wobegon. There is the Senior Lunch, the Senior Party, the Graduation Ceremony, the Senior Reception and the Senior Breakfast. (I swear i am not exaggerating.)

I can't wait until it's all over. Yeesh!

On the other hand, my child is giddy with relief and happiness.

The Mister and i were foolish enough to volunteer to chaperone the Senior Party, which is an all night affair beginning after the Graduation and Reception and lasting until 5:30 am Monday morning.

What were we thinking? I am viewing it as one last gift for my daughter, because i can think of few greater hells than to be bussed from location to location with 62 screaming new high school graduates.

I hope i survive. Think of me as you snuggle into your warm toasty beds wearing your footie pajamas on Sunday night.

See you on the other side.

Warning: Too Much Information

I had my annual visit with the doctor a few weeks ago.

The usual, plus extra fun, was had by all. I got to do the tit squeeze, then the usual call back for more tit squeezes and a complete round of tit gelling. They've started using a device which warms the gel up first, isn't that sweet?

Next week i get to do something called a Stress Echo test. I think it involves getting me all annoyed and then yelling into my ear to see how long the sound takes to make it out my other ear.

I had blood drawn. My cholesterol numbers are great! Plus there was a notation added by hand from the doctor about FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone.) It said; " FSH levels consistent with menopause. Ovaries are no longer functioning."

I read that last part out loud while facing my naughty bits, just to make sure they were listening.

They were not listening.