Thursday, March 26, 2009


I maintain that it is a universal truth that if you get any random group of women together for more than an hour or so, they will start talking about their periods, or birth control, or sex, or giving birth, or infertility or all of the above.

This is one of the things that i find charming about being a woman.

I was answering the phones at our local public radio station earlier this week, sitting at at table with 5 other women and one older man named Fred. During one slow time, i had a hot flash, and had to rip off my scarf and outer layer of clothing while fanning myself. They were looking at me oddly, as i was a bit frantic.

"Hot flash," i said in a low voice to the women, so as not to offend Fred.

And we were off....

"Have you tried Evening Primrose Oil?" asked one woman. "It worked for me."

"No, i'm taking Black Cohosh. It's not working all that well, so i'll have to look into that," i said.

"I don't get my period any more," confessed one 20 something woman. "My doctor doesn't know why."

Much concerned advice from the table.

And so on.

By the end of our shift, everyone knew the reproductive history of everyone else. (Except for Fred, who retreated into the crossword puzzle, although he would have been welcome to participate.)

So, tell me, how are your reproductive organs? :)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

A message from the sky

Today, a crow flew by my windshield. He was carrying a cheeto in his beak.

What could it mean?

Is it the end of days? Or perhaps someone spilled a snack? Or maybe the crow is looking to clog his arteries? Is orange the new black?

Hard to tell with omens.

Without regard to the message, it was a striking image, from a color point of view. Close your eyes, just for two seconds, and visualize it.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I don't care what you think, and neither should you

A few years ago, whilst in casual conversation with a woman, the subject of electric toothbrushes somehow came up.

It was like someone had totally pressed her button, because she went off about it:

"What? Like you're too TIRED to move your arm up and down? How STUPID! They just cost a lot of money and then the new heads cost even more. Those are for really LAZY people. I'd never get one of those..."

and so on.

(Full disclosure, i have, use and love my electric toothbrush, but i don't give a shit how you clean your teeth, as long as you do.)

I don't know why, but this diatribe really stuck with me. I was just so amused about how vehement she was about something of so little importance. I remember just sort of cocking my head to the side at the time and saying something like "Huh."

Now on to the present. I bought a Kind1e 2 (the electronic book from Amaz*n.) I was sitting at my volunteer thing the other day, minding my own business and reading a book on it, between phone calls.

One of the women who works there came out and saw me. And off she went:

"Oh my god! I can't believe you bought one of those things. I would never buy one, those are going to be the death of books in print! It would give me a headache to read on it. They're too expensive. I can't even see the words, the print is so small...."

and so on.

I asked her if she'd ever seen one before, as i was wondering where all this feeling came from. "No," she admitted.

I gave the standard answer i've developed in response to passionate declarations about nothing of import.

"I can see you feel very strongly about this."

And went back to my reading.

Friday, March 13, 2009


I like to talk about my weaknesses and failings here, so there will always be lots to talk about.

I am a secret scorekeeper. I keep score. I keep score of the most petty things. And as i'm thinking about it, i'm trying to figure out why.

Here's an example: We have our house on the market so we are trying to keep it cleaner than our normal pig wallow. One thing we did is buy a squeegee for the shower doors, so we can wipe it off after showering and thus (hopefully) keep the shower door cleaner. Sounds good right?

But after a few days of using it, The Mister has kind of stopped. Normally it's not a big deal, as i usually shower within a short time after he does.

But not always. So i was looking at the un-sqeegeed shower door this noon (i was off playing squash in the morning) and making a mental note of this lack of compliance. Score one for my superiority.

And did you know, that every morning i re-hang his towel because he doesn't hang it up like the towels in a model home? Score two for my superiority.

And the list goes on, with each item being as earth-shattering as the towel situation.

Don't i sound like an ass? This man, who works all day every day so that i can sit on my butt and eat cookies, is being scored over towels and shower doors. Ick. We didn't squeegee the shower door for eight fucking years, so i think it will be okay.

Why? I don't really know. I know that i will try and let it go, but it is surprisingly dear to me.

What a waste of energy, and surprisingly like my mother. Man, that stings.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

in which i am totally uncool

I read this quote in Em's college's newspaper. It's been bugging me all weekend. It's from an opinion piece by a senior girl.

"When you limit our opportunities for binge drinking, you limit our opportunities for fun."

God, her parents must be SO proud.

I am not a drinking prude. I like drinking. I drink. I think the alcohol laws in this country are stupid. I give my kid a glass of wine if she wants one. I drank in college. I smoked dope in college. I will never be vice-president as i did inhale.

But this notion that binge drinking is the only way to have fun scares the crap out of me.

I found out a few weeks ago that a young person i know who is attending her first semester of college ended up in the hospital having to have her stomach pumped from drinking.

THAT sounds like a laugh riot doesn't it?

A mom i know came home from a weekend spent at her child's college with a story about one girl who got so drunk she passed out and shit and pissed herself in the dorm hallway.

Ha ha haha! Boy, that's funny, no?

A boy froze to death after passing out outside in winter.

I can't even joke about that being fun.

I just wonder when the object of drinking became to get so drunk that you pass out? Have you ever passed out or blacked out from drinking?

I haven't, so maybe it really is fun.

Thursday, March 05, 2009


Why do we post pictures of ourselves being silly with a person we love? Is it to prove to other people that someone loves us? See! See! Someone smiles with me!

Or is it to prove it to ourselves? I think the latter.

Too anxiety ridden to write anything much. A situation that is not that big of a deal has us anxious. The Mister and i are not good with any sort of uncertainty. Kind of removes the possibility of
relocating to the jungle.

A Stand Off witnessed this morning:

An immature bald eagle landed on our dock. As i looked out the window, i noticed it was hopping around on our dock rather oddly. Then i noticed that there were about thirty coots huddled under the dock, seeking shelter from the bird of prey. The bird would stay in one place for a while, and the coots, being silly birds, would forget that they were the hunted, and would start to ooze out from under the dock. Then the eagle would hop over to where they were oozing, and they would contract back under the dock, practically flying over the water.

I watched this stand off for about 10 minutes, then we had to go. I wonder whether the result was hunger for the eagle, or death for a coot.