A connection

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In my family, as kids, my brothers and i were encouraged to make fun of each other.  Ganging up on whomever was the current odd man out, whomever had done something stupid (as kids often do) or whomever was being ridiculous (as kids often are).

When it was me being ridiculed, i hated it, and it felt like there was no escape, no safe place to go and collect myself.  When it was not me, i participated gladly, thankful that it wasn't me.


The maddest i get as an adult is when i feel stupid.  That's when i lose my shit and start throwing things. 

At the time of this temper losing, i feel unable to stop, like i am under attack and have to defend myself.  My brain time travels back to that stupid-feeling child and becomes her again.


This is not an unimportant observation.